Would you pay all the bills, to allow DH to retire?

[retirementislooming]

I'm really torn as to what is the right thing to do here. Would love opinions.

Been with DH for 17 years. He works in a high stress, life or death job, and to be honest, he is close to burn out. It's shift work. He is knackered most of the time. He would like to retire at 55, which is about 2.5 years away.

He would have a lump sum to invest, of circa £72k. But his monthly income from his pension would only be £900pm.

I am going to draw my pension at the same time as him (I'm older). This is a pension I had from an employed position for 27 years, but I am self employed now and will carry on working.

My lump sum, plus other stuff coming to fruition in a couple of years, will mean that by then, I should have £165k lump sum, which I plan to put into NS&I. My pension income will be £1000pm, which I will feed into the NS&I.

My self employed business brings in around £2500-£4000 a month (seasonal).

Our household bills will be £500pm, plus food and alcohol, so about £1000 a month. No commuting, as I WFH, and mortgage will be finished.

So, my question is, even though we have never combined finances, should I support us both with the income from my business?

On the one hand, I feel that if he paid half of the bills, then he would probably have to put in £500pm, only leaving him £400pm left to play with, and this might push him back into work (which I definitely don't want), on the other hand, would I be crazy to pay all the bills from my ongoing self employed business?

I should add, that my business is not hard work particularly, and with him at home, and helping me with it, I would feel semi retired myself.

I feel like I can't see the wood for the trees.

A - he should retire and your business should cover all bills & food

B - he should contribute

Another salient point, is that he is due to inherit substantially in the future. At which point we could go back to 50/50, but this won't be for many years yet (by the looks of things).

Lastly, we do not share children. Mine are grown and flown. He has none.

Is he a fireman? If so yes I would support him.

What does he plan on doing in retirement? 55 is quite early- would he consider part time or self employed work here and there?

Could you pay 75% of bills for example and he pay the rest to give him a bit money? I think 55 is too early to retire entirely with a pension that small. You may want to give your kids a bit of cash as they buy houses/have kids so you don’t want all your money tied up In supporting you both. Although I’ve just seen he’s got a lump sum…. but it may have to last him 30/40 years

I think you’re missing out the salient point from your previous thread that he is a spendthrift who spends all of his money on tat every month, along with a very expensive car hobby. Whereas you are careful with money. Combining finances in those circumstances doesn’t seem so wise.

Agree. He's going to burn through all your money, as well as his.

Let him get a less stressful part-time job to supplement his income after retirement.

Not a fireman, but in emergency services. Job is horrific, tbh. Incredibly stressful and the shifts are a nightmare. He is tired all of the time. When he is on annual leave, he is a different person.

In principal, yes, I would support him. However, how do you think he'll be with no job? Will he be productive? Running the house etc? Could he take on another less stressful job part time to generate a bit of income and also give him a bit of structure?

This is important. I wouldn't support anyone who would likely spend my money on crap, no.

I wouldn't pay all of the bills tbh, if he's only 55 then he surely needs to understand that if he retires completely then he - and subsequently your household - is going to be much worse off. Why does he need to keep hold of all of his £900 pension?

If your bills are only going to be £1000 in total, I'd let him pay about £400 and you pay £600, then you're still taking on a bit extra but he's still paying enough to make a difference.

You wouldn't want it to get to a situation where he's never spent any of his money on bills since retiring so early and so you feel forced to keep working (even self=employed) beyond when you're happy to because you're covering all of the bills.

It sounds like you can easily afford it between you but yes he should still make a contribution but not half as that would be disproportionate. At 55 he might want to think about doing a stress-free part time job - partly to supplement his pension but also for his well-being.

No - he can retire, but get a different job.

This! All the emergency service workers I know who have retired have gone on to get another job. Even if it is just part time. He is too young and doesn't have enough money to retire completely.

I remember your other post. Personally, I would support him retiring from what he currently does, but I would not be prepared to bankroll him not to work for the rest of his life. I'd agree to support him for a period of time whilst he recovered and looked for other work but I would expect him to start earning again at some point if he's medically fit to do so.

I'm nearly 50 and the idea of never earning again after 55 is absolute anathema to me.

This. Even without any other detail you will not want your DH doing fuck all spending your money that you've kept separate so these years (for likely a good reason).

He can get a less stressful part time job to fund his tat (and keep himself out of your hair occasionally lol)

Could he not retire and just get a small part time job doing something different for 2-3 days a week?

I never understand these threads where the op outlines the options like those are the only ones.

OP, he can surely give up his emergency services job and get an 'easier' less demanding one, part time or even properly be on the books as working for you? I don't think it's fair that he gets to give up working at 55 while you carry on and pay for you both.

He would have structure, as I know which bits of my business he would help with. I don't need the help, but can't deny that during peak times, it would take a lot of pressure off me (which would be nice of course).

He does the food shopping. He takes care of the cars. I cook more, but if he wasn't working, it could be 50/50 with cooking, as he enjoys it when he has time.

If I paid for bills & food, he would get to keep his £900pm, and I would (on an average month) bring in £3000, pay £1000 for bills, meaning that I get to keep the remaining £2000 + £1000 pension.

When I look at it this way, it feels mean to take anything off him, as he will be getting £900pm and I would be getting £3000pm! Does that make sense?

B he should contribute - a less stressful part time role - because all the assumptions make it seeem a little flaky financially to rely just on you

For my late DH I would have done that like a shot, to improve quality of life for both of us, but over a long marriage we'd each supported the other at various times as needed, and DH whilst he could have spendy inclinations wouldn't do it without discussion. This sounds like it might be different?

This

It is mean.

If you can’t support him with more money then he can’t retire. It’s a simple as that. Marriage is a partnership.

OP you are easily recognisable from your previous posts and it is clear that you don’t want to - and you don’t have to.

you have to decide what you want from the rest of your life

I would pay the bills in your situation. Because you can afford to, and because you recognise need for him to retire. And he doesn't sound lazy either. I couldn't have 50% contrition leaving him with £400 and me with £2500

When I look at it this way, it feels mean to take anything off him, as he will be getting £900pm and I would be getting £3000pm! Does that make sense?

No, that doesn't make sense. The £3000pm income would be from you WORKING, while he won't be working.

What's he going to do with his lump sum?

And if he's so close to burn out, why wait 2.5 years to end his job? Change job now to something less stressful.

As PPs have said, fine to leave a stressful job but there's no reason to retire completely at 55 (unless one is extremely wealthy) - get another job, part-time if he can afford that.

And what's with all his other spending?

The issue with him getting a part time job, is the annual leave. He would only get 6 weeks off a year. We are wanting to travel in the winter for longer than he would be allowed off work, because my kids are abroad. He has himself proposed getting a part time job, but those are the reasons that I'm not so keen for him to do so.

I know I would still be working, but without going into boring specifics, my job involves putting in very few hours. I work about 3 hours a day, and it's really easy. I feel semi-retired myself, tbh.