Would you pay all the bills, to allow DH to retire?

[retirementislooming]

I'm really torn as to what is the right thing to do here. Would love opinions.

Been with DH for 17 years. He works in a high stress, life or death job, and to be honest, he is close to burn out. It's shift work. He is knackered most of the time. He would like to retire at 55, which is about 2.5 years away.

He would have a lump sum to invest, of circa £72k. But his monthly income from his pension would only be £900pm.

I am going to draw my pension at the same time as him (I'm older). This is a pension I had from an employed position for 27 years, but I am self employed now and will carry on working.

My lump sum, plus other stuff coming to fruition in a couple of years, will mean that by then, I should have £165k lump sum, which I plan to put into NS&I. My pension income will be £1000pm, which I will feed into the NS&I.

My self employed business brings in around £2500-£4000 a month (seasonal).

Our household bills will be £500pm, plus food and alcohol, so about £1000 a month. No commuting, as I WFH, and mortgage will be finished.

So, my question is, even though we have never combined finances, should I support us both with the income from my business?

On the one hand, I feel that if he paid half of the bills, then he would probably have to put in £500pm, only leaving him £400pm left to play with, and this might push him back into work (which I definitely don't want), on the other hand, would I be crazy to pay all the bills from my ongoing self employed business?

I should add, that my business is not hard work particularly, and with him at home, and helping me with it, I would feel semi retired myself.

I feel like I can't see the wood for the trees.

A - he should retire and your business should cover all bills & food

B - he should contribute

Another salient point, is that he is due to inherit substantially in the future. At which point we could go back to 50/50, but this won't be for many years yet (by the looks of things).

Lastly, we do not share children. Mine are grown and flown. He has none.

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband. There is nothing to be ashamed about if a married couple are in the the situation where either of the couple shoulder most of the financial burden through health issues or simply earning more. My DH as a self employed businessman has always earned far more than me I have never felt lesser of a person because he contributes more financially. When we married we combined resources in one big pot & treated each others earning as 'our' earnings. If he lost his business or had to retire due to ill health I would have no hesitation in taking on more work to support him. It's just the way we are but each to their own if it works.

OP sorry if you mentioned this but have you had a proper conversation about his spending habits and what this would look like if you were to support him? I think this is the crux for me.

Me and my DH just have one pot in which everything goes in and comes out so this would be an easy decision for us but I recognise you are in a different situation due to your husbands financial history

You’ve said he will help you with your business, so yes.

I assume this was with his full knowledge and permission??

I mean seen you’re so set all finances are to be separate etc….

Because YOU want lots of expensive holidays and YOU are worried it won’t be enough?

Either £900 is plenty or it isn’t.
Or are you saying he might dare not spend the money the way YOU want so you wont get your nice hols wo paying because he thinks other stuff take priority?

Tbh I feel for this guy. It’s all about what YOU want in retirement/work etc… Not one word about what his hope is, about his expectations (like he’d
like to have a nice easy job outside the house maybe?) etc…. It’s all about and what he should do to make you happy.
Wheres the partnership there?

That casts a very different light on the situation.....

He needs to pay in a proportion of the bills at the least. He needs to learn the value of money and better late than never.

It's his money though. Why is OP spending on travel more valid than his spending on tatt and cars? Does he actually want to travel? Could OP go on her own?

I'm starting to agree with PP that this is all about what OP wants and she wants him to somehow have the time to do it with her, and find a way to pay for it..

Did you not like all the very sensible advice in your other thread @retirementislooming ?!

Lastly on this. It really aggravates me when I read 'It's his money' when it's regarding a married couple but again each to their own🤔

I wasn't even thinking of the travelling, I was thinking purely of the household bills.

I'd lay any money that he quite enjoys the travelling though and is more than capable of saying that he doesn't, but the OP doesn't mention any reluctance at all

A poster after me made a great suggestion of taking a long break and then going back p/t after he'd recovered.

I agree but in this context OP clearly sees her money as her own

How much of your SE income is profit? Are you left with £3,000 from that once tax etc is paid?
If you don’t start off by asking him for a contribution it could be difficult to ask later.

Is this a marriage or a business arrangement 😂

I better go 😂

If I remember correctly, this is a second relationship for both of them and OPs was bankrupt when they met. I think a certain amount of bailing out has already gone on.

@retirementisloomingi suspect I know what your DH job is having retired myself. I assume he will be on the 2015 pension and so have you considered him staying on till 60 but in a non-operational role?

Ive given myself 6 months to decompress first before deciding what I would like to do. I feel so much better without the cortisol and my mind is clearer.

The job put on pre-retirement courses so I would suggest he books on one to understand his options before making his decision.

Also when considering him working for you, have you thought how this will affect the dynamics of your relationship with him as an employee rather than an equal partner, especially in light of his previous job.

I would also encourage him to go for any health checks that work are offering him to make sure he is physically fit and healthy and also access any counselling if he needs whilst still employed.

Why does everyone keep missing OPS husband will be helping her work from Home. ! !
And they have enough money , no mortgage to pay either

He’s too young to retire completely. He should get a PT job doing something easier that maybe he enjoys. So no I wouldn’t offer to pay all the bills otherwise he’d be too comfortable living off you.

Because actually the OP herself says she doesn’t need help.
And she hasn’t said anything about paying him.
Fir me, it feels like a Copt out on her side.

He's not too young IMO!

I absolutely would let him retire. Maybe he could find something part time to do like taxi or delivery driving. His job could end up exhausting him (or worse) there is more to life than money.

There is more to life than money. Unfortunately, life costs money. My issue would be if she "let's" him retire and pays all the bills, if she dies then everything goes to her kids (second marriage). So then how does he cope financially?

If it were me and DH, everything we have is joint and goes to the other if one dies, then DD cos we're a first marriage. So there's no issue in my mind of me paying the bills when he retires or vice versa. But if he were a second husband, before I retired and let him pay for everything, I'd have to be sure I could pay for myself if necessary, and vice versa because all my assets would be going to DD and his should, rightly, go to his kids.

My DH sounds like he is in a similar job and position. I'm the high earner. I see no point in my DH working for the extra 5 years until he will retire at normal pension age. It will bring him so little extra pension under £2k a year in total. I'd rather he stopped working while he still has some health left and enjoy life.

He can do a flexible self employed thing. Go into schools & talk about his life as a fireman or whatever. Retrain as a bookkeeper. Loads of options.

are you actually married?

Could he work with you to build the self employed business?