Would you pay all the bills, to allow DH to retire?

[retirementislooming]

I'm really torn as to what is the right thing to do here. Would love opinions.

Been with DH for 17 years. He works in a high stress, life or death job, and to be honest, he is close to burn out. It's shift work. He is knackered most of the time. He would like to retire at 55, which is about 2.5 years away.

He would have a lump sum to invest, of circa £72k. But his monthly income from his pension would only be £900pm.

I am going to draw my pension at the same time as him (I'm older). This is a pension I had from an employed position for 27 years, but I am self employed now and will carry on working.

My lump sum, plus other stuff coming to fruition in a couple of years, will mean that by then, I should have £165k lump sum, which I plan to put into NS&I. My pension income will be £1000pm, which I will feed into the NS&I.

My self employed business brings in around £2500-£4000 a month (seasonal).

Our household bills will be £500pm, plus food and alcohol, so about £1000 a month. No commuting, as I WFH, and mortgage will be finished.

So, my question is, even though we have never combined finances, should I support us both with the income from my business?

On the one hand, I feel that if he paid half of the bills, then he would probably have to put in £500pm, only leaving him £400pm left to play with, and this might push him back into work (which I definitely don't want), on the other hand, would I be crazy to pay all the bills from my ongoing self employed business?

I should add, that my business is not hard work particularly, and with him at home, and helping me with it, I would feel semi retired myself.

I feel like I can't see the wood for the trees.

A - he should retire and your business should cover all bills & food

B - he should contribute

Another salient point, is that he is due to inherit substantially in the future. At which point we could go back to 50/50, but this won't be for many years yet (by the looks of things).

Lastly, we do not share children. Mine are grown and flown. He has none.

Gardening - most people don't want to pay for a gardener in the depths of winter so lots of opportunities to travel then.

Health and Safety Consultant - name his own hours. He must know the fire regs through and through.

A lot of emergency services and ex military folk go into Business Continuity/Disaster Mgmt roles. Again, consultancy opportunity as lots of businesses can't justify someone full time.

55 is awfully young to fully retire and have little constructive to do especially if he has a tendency to overspend. Talk about a way to get yourself into financial trouble.

Some jobs let you buy extra holiday or may be willing to let him take longer unpaid if it's arranged in advance.

Plus if you die, he's f**ked.

If you pay everything, your risk is that he gets used to having his income to himself, and when you want to retire he is going to feel that it would be impossible to spend half of it on bills. You will need to pay for everything until his state pension kicks in.

If he does pay bills, then that leaves him tight on money. So, from what you have said, he may eat into his lump sum, or run up debt.

It's just not enough money to retire on at that age, to be honest.

Part time work - short term contracts to allow you to travel. Agency type work.

or decide when you are going to travel, then get a job after …

If ye are happy out & will not struggle for money
who cares who pays the bills ..
You also mentioned your husband will help you at home with your business making you feel semi retired ..
Leave the man retire & I wish ye a happy Life ☺️
X

I don't understand why people are saying that £900pm isn't enough?

Do most people have more "fun" money a month than this?

He might spend less when he leaves the stressful job as spending might be his way of coping.

I think most people are expecting him to contribute to ' life ' not just ' fun ' money.
sounds like a kept man.
not a husband
nor a partner.

I would do it.

Op, you mention that he might help out with your business, which means that he will also be contributing to the bills. I would go for it.

You mention he will be helping with your business. If you don’t want him to work as it will prevent you both taking frequent holidays, I’d be considering his contribution to household finances to be the work he is doing to help you.
The other alternative is he seeks seasonal work that suits your travel plans.

No, but most people expect to fund their own basic living costs-food, toiletries, utilities etc. even if they don't have to pay rent or a mortgage.

@retirementislooming why did you start a new thread?

We've combined resources since the day we got married.We have never given a thought to the my money & your money concept. I read your post & my answer is if we did conduct our finances in the way you describe I would have no hesitation in supporting his decision to retire rather than risk his health etc.

I think he should get a part time job to help support the household.

Honestly the only way I would consider doing this would be if my DH saved very hard for a few years and could bolster his income and demonstrate with budget and planning how they altered going to do it.
No £900 a month is not a lot to live off when that would struggle to covers basic bills if your not covering the other half through ill health etc.

The other aspect I would check is if he even can retire at 55.....our minimum has moved to 57!

After a good long break - like a sabbatical - could he pick up some low stress part-time work, like working in B&Q or the like?

55 is too early to retire unless he has plans for other productive things he wants to do. It’s good for people’s mental and physical health to remain active and engaged and to feel useful. My father retired at 45 because he’d made a lot of money. But I don’t think it was good for him - he wasn’t as happy as he thought he would be.

Oh my God, the poor man is burnt out! Would you rather he have a fatal heart attack with the stress, life isn’t always about money.

My husband has to carry me financially, I can’t contribute as I had to finish work due to being diagnosed with M.S. We’ve had to cut our cloth accordingly, my company pension is up the swanny, it’s 20 years since I had to finish.

Let him finish, I’m sure after a few months he’ll get bored and look for something less stressful. My philosophy on life has completely changed, as long as we have enough money to eat, pay the bills and go on at least 1 jolly a year that’s enough for us.

If you’re both healthy that’s something no amount of money can buy. I grieve for a life I once had, but have a loving husband who keeps my spirits up when I’m down is priceless.

Anyone who relies on inheritance to fund retirement is a fool. Whoever is supposed to be leaving the money might decide to spend it instead, or leave it to someone else, or the money might be eroded by debts, care home fees, equity release.....or the testator might live a lot longer than expected. If you want financial security in old age, start saving.

Oh I’ve just read that @retirementislooming hasnt really given the full picture. If he’s a spendthrift definitely DON’T support him.

Support him to take a sabbatical then get another less stressful job, to support his expensive hobbies.

£900 is not fun money when there are still bills to be paid.

as an emergency services worker, he should probably be getting a large lump sum and a reasonable monthly pension which doesn’t seem to be the case. Is he lying to you again?

We were due a large inheritance, but that’s all gone as a care home is getting all the money so you can not rely on that at all.

His pension isn't huge, as he only joined in his late 30's. No pension at all before that.

Not relying on inheritance.