Would you pay all the bills, to allow DH to retire?

[retirementislooming]

I'm really torn as to what is the right thing to do here. Would love opinions.

Been with DH for 17 years. He works in a high stress, life or death job, and to be honest, he is close to burn out. It's shift work. He is knackered most of the time. He would like to retire at 55, which is about 2.5 years away.

He would have a lump sum to invest, of circa £72k. But his monthly income from his pension would only be £900pm.

I am going to draw my pension at the same time as him (I'm older). This is a pension I had from an employed position for 27 years, but I am self employed now and will carry on working.

My lump sum, plus other stuff coming to fruition in a couple of years, will mean that by then, I should have £165k lump sum, which I plan to put into NS&I. My pension income will be £1000pm, which I will feed into the NS&I.

My self employed business brings in around £2500-£4000 a month (seasonal).

Our household bills will be £500pm, plus food and alcohol, so about £1000 a month. No commuting, as I WFH, and mortgage will be finished.

So, my question is, even though we have never combined finances, should I support us both with the income from my business?

On the one hand, I feel that if he paid half of the bills, then he would probably have to put in £500pm, only leaving him £400pm left to play with, and this might push him back into work (which I definitely don't want), on the other hand, would I be crazy to pay all the bills from my ongoing self employed business?

I should add, that my business is not hard work particularly, and with him at home, and helping me with it, I would feel semi retired myself.

I feel like I can't see the wood for the trees.

A - he should retire and your business should cover all bills & food

B - he should contribute

Another salient point, is that he is due to inherit substantially in the future. At which point we could go back to 50/50, but this won't be for many years yet (by the looks of things).

Lastly, we do not share children. Mine are grown and flown. He has none.

And yes but the OP also wants him to have plenty of time to travel….. Hence she isn’t keen on him taking a part time job instead (which HE proposed)

I don't understand married couples who don't see each other's money as family money. Of course you should pay all the bills, especially as you enjoy your business and you're not sacrificing anything by doing this. I expect you will get to enjoy his inheritance in the future too?

Well my husband & I are married, we’re a team, we aren’t 2 housemates sharing somewhere to live. Since the day we got married there has been no “his” money or “my” money, it’s all “our” money. If he needed to retire for the sake of his health, physical or mental, and we could afford for him to do that then there’s no doubt in my mind that we would.

Your children have left home and have their own things and homes. Your house will probably go on your care later on. There is something not right about your posts you're married and he will inherit 2m. He has no children to leave an inheritance to so your children stands to inherit what he has through being married to you. Unless you were both planning your retirement with his inheritance or there is a secret will and the cats will inherit. Is there a subconscious planning going on?

You don't want him to pay off the rest of the mortgage that's not in his name. Why is that, will he leave it to the cats? Hard to prove that he owned it when going through probate if his name is not on it.
He could easily leave you and buy his own place he doesn't need you. Is that the problem you want to feel wanted?

@retirementislooming Definitely A. You've been married for 17 years and are supposed to be a partnership (I can't believe you don't even have a joint bank account). You clearly love each other, trust each other and want to do the best by each other so if you want him to give up his earned income, why wouldn't you be prepared to step up and fill the gap?
Incidentally, if you don't have Powers of Attorney (particularly financial given you don't have any joint accounts) and valid Wills, please get these drawn up immediately.

What if your business stops doing well, or you become ill and can't work? To only have an income of £900 at age 55 is incredibly low and puts him in a very vulnerable situation. What about big spends going forward - big holiday, new car, house repairs - who will cover them? My uncle was a paramedic but changed to non-emergency ambulance work for a few years before retirement - no shifts, low stress. He retired at 61 but had planned this for years and overpaid into pension to be able to do so. It doesn't sound like your husband made those kind of plans?

He earns £50k a year? What's he doing with all that money?

Look OP, you seem to want to be a wifely equivalent of a Sugar Daddy (or already are). Just own it.

If you want to fund having this "generous" loser in your life, just do it.

Then yes you have to support him, you’re telling him not to work.

He said he wasn't prepared to share any of his big inheritance with her. That changes everything.

So why did you say in the other thread that:

'His £60k will be kept by him. His inheritance will be kept by him.'

In this post, you have made him sound a lot more reasonable with money so that posters are giving you a different answer than on your other thread. In your previous thread, you seemed more reluctant about him stopping his contribution to the household finances and about paying him to help with your business as you don't really need the help:

'But if he no longer contributes his £1k a month and I have to pay him £1.5k a month, I’m essentially £2.5k a month down!!'

You now want posters to tell you that it's fine for you to finance everything and that he shouldn't have to work at all as it would interfere with your plans for holidays. That's fine but you have done a complete turn-around in the last 24 hours.

You have separate finances so he should contribute but it doesn’t have to be 50/50. Could you not have a household account where he puts in £250 and you put the remainder? That way he has increased spending money and you aren’t carrying everything.

I would hope my spouse would support me to leave a stressful and relentless job.
A marriage should be about supporting and being supported. Through good and bad
Otherwise it’s just a very good friendship. Not a marriage.

Why the second thread?

He can just get a zero hours/bank job and have the time off he wants.

I’d support my husband in this situation. It makes sense.

If he is incredibly stressed/ close to
burnout it is not entirely unreasonable to also consider whether he may be a candidate for a heart attack or stroke. It’s worth thinking about in the round as I imaging you would rather have him with you and/or not have major brain damage and physically disabled. At early 50s those kinds of jobs see a lot of people have heart attacks and strokes. In my opinion, it is advisable to do all one can to avoid that - particularly if you can see this is the path he is on.

Oh its this guy? NO.

I know you don't want him getting a part-time job because he won't get enough annual leave, but he could look at seasonal or casual work. For example, a lot of ex-emergency service personnel I know work as and when as driver/bearers for funeral directors

I would for 6 months. Then I would expect him to find a part time role.

Hell probably be bored stiff by then and want to do something. My husband is 66, he would be if he retired completely.

Based on what you've said, he'd fritter the £900 a month away on things that aren't needed and aren't used and you wouldn't have money for holidays etc anyway unless you saved it. I would therefore suggest that you split things in half and that you pay the majority of travel because otherwise you're not going to be able to afford to do the long holidays that you want to do as he'll have spent all of his money with nothing to show for it.

why is his pension so low?
55 is way too young to retire and sponge off you. And if he’s younger… I’d worry he’d use his free time to get his head turned by some 45-year-old.

400 per month to play with is a lot. I don't understand how this would force him back to work. But like other posters said, a part time job would be much better for the family finances as well as his mental health.

Get all your documents together and consult a few independent financial advisers. Not us. Seriously.

This is the thread other posters are referring to, started earlier this week:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5297176-dh-retiring-and-how-to-sort-money?page=1

@retirementislooming - Is that your thread too or is there someone with extremely similar circumstances to you?

But it's OP who's driving the "retire early and work in my business" agenda, not her DH. Yes, he wants to retire early at 55 because his current job has taken the best of him, but he also wants to get another less stressful, part-time job to supplement his pension. Yet it's OP who doesn't want him tied down by another job because she wants him to have the freedom to travel with her. She can't have it both ways and nor can she dictate what route he chooses to take to supplement his pension income. They've been married for 17 years and are supposed to be a partnership after all.

Agency work.
zero hours contract.
seasonal part time work such as at caravan/camping parks exist. Closed most of the winter so no worry about holidays

there’s options available.