He has loads of money while I struggle, am I right to be annoyed?

[BeMellowDreamer]

We’re together 3.5 years, I recently lost my FT job and after discussing we decided I should look for a PT job so I have more time to do housework, help my son (from previous relationship) with homework’s and bringing him to his after school clubs and walk our dog.
Due to the unexpected job loss I’m now behind on a few payments which is causing my credit rating to drop, I’m stressed and cry over it. I’ve been rejected from entry level jobs because I’m over qualified. DP may as well pat me on the head and say “there, there” while he tells me how much money he has saved and investments he’s making.
He has the ability to wipe out these payments to alleviate my stress but he doesn’t. Am I being taken for a ride so he can save thousands “for US” but if I ask for help he tells me it’s his money. Ive even offered monthly repayment options to pay him back if he helped me and he says “I’ll think about it” and nothing comes of it. This is a man wanting to marry me?? He tells me how good he is to me and I should be grateful but I can’t help feeling resentful that he watches me struggle and stress when he could stop that.

I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’m aware I’m vulnerable, so I want to know am I right to be annoyed or am I being a doormat?

OP says they discussed and agreed for her to go part-time.

I don't know why people are making out that she decided it unilaterally and is imposing on him.

If he wasn't on board, he shouldn't have encouraged it.

I think you need to go back to full time hours. Let him struggle with housework and both pay for a dog walker

He obviously wants to keep finances separate, which is fair enough ...you have a child to think of and you're making yourself vulnerable by going part time.

You'd be better off working full time and having financial security...if he moans about housework, tell him he needs to do his share or he needs to move out of your and your sons home.

I wouldn’t pay off my partner’s debts (over 10 years together) and I wouldn’t go part time unless I could afford it. I walk the dog before and after work and at lunchtime if I’m at home, if I’m not I pay for someone to do it.

How much money does he pay (did he move in with you)? How much does he save?

with no actual mention of how finances would work it would seem

It’s fairly irrelevant, if it’s a daft idea that doesn’t suit your situation, you don’t agree.

the entry level jobs you’ve been going for… FT?

OP is also in a rural area, and there may not be that many jobs in her field there. That said, I would try to work FT, hire a housekeeper, and have a chat about when you are supposed to be married/future of the relationship. Do not let your partner build up his finances at your expense and ruin your credit rating…not good for you or your child.

and if you do agree

and firm up financial arrangements. Especially if you are the one with a teenager dependent on you too

Leaving aside your son for a moment... so your monumental cunt of a "partner" "wants you PT" so you can do more housework while he, presumably, does less? And all that without adequately recompensing you for slaving away on his behalf? Come on OP you know the answer to your question. This is not a good man, and you'd probably be better off both in terms of finances and workload if you put in some additional hard work on your patio.

But apparently he did.

So he ought to live up to his side of it.

OP said she's behind on payments since losing her job unexpectedly.

I'd hope your partner would help you out if you lost your job, wouldn't you? Rather than just let you sink into debt in an every man for himself kind of way.

If I was in debt I wouldn’t reduce my hours, at least until they were paid off, I certainly wouldn’t want my partner to pay them off while I was working part time.

She lost her job. She's looking for work. She's missed payments because she lost her job.

I agree she should go back to work fulltime as she obviously can't count on him to help her out.

I think the consensus on here is that the OP should work full time. Whether she stays with the partner or kicks him out is her call.

^^THIS with Huge Bells on!
He is only impeding you because his income counts as a "family" one in the eyes of the DWP. Your rental is in your name only, and he has plenty of money to afford his own place. Tell him to go, start claiming UC (you might even be able to work part time, depending on the UC support). He is disgusting imo. I can't imagine watching my partner struggle like that and not help!

So he lives with you in your house?

If he agrees to you going part time, why would he not agree to an uneven split on the bills, surely you would discuss that the same time? or has that happened but because you can't find a job you're still falling behind on payments?

He doesn't seem very nice to let you struggle, but we could do with a bit more info OP on your current setup.

If it was a joint decision for you to go part time, he needs to be stepping up more financially. Sorry, OP, but his meanness is a huge red flag. He has you running around making his life easier, including looking after his child, running up personal debt and tearing your hair out about bills, while he builds up a nice nest egg for himself you have no claim on. Nah, I would be fucking him out the door, he is not worth the stress.

When myself and DH were living together before marriage, we helped each other out. We were in our early twenties so we had plenty of bumps in the road while finding our feet as adults. Both of us found ourselves between jobs at least once in the early days and we didn't leave the other to struggle. It was one of things that made me want to marry him, that as far as he was concerned, we were in this life together and what one had, we both had.

You both sound rather selfish and short sighted, to be honest.

If your financial situation was that precarious you'd get behind on payments by going part time, why on earth would that not have been discussed when you were talking about the idea? It sounds like neither of you thought about the implications. He liked the idea of you taking on more of the housework but doesn't want to make up the shortfall in household income, which is selfish, and you want him to pay for you to work less to look after your child from a previous relationship, which is also selfish.

This relationship sounds doomed, because neither of you actually genuinely seem to care about each other. You sound aggrieved he isn't immediately putting his hand in his pocket to rescue you, and that comes across a bit entitled. He sounds ungenerous and uncaring, and he definitely isn't going to rescue you. Now you know this, it's time to stop wanting to be rescued, get a full time job, pay your own debts off and throw the whole man away.

He doesn't sound like much of a partner TBH. I'd be ditching him and continuing my search for work.

As someone who had a career and gave it all up to be a sahp, which then resulted in me becoming reliant on my husband for money I’d definitely not give up work if I could go back in time.

Has he already got children?
Does he want children with you?

Dump him. Claim off the state - make sure you get carers allowance - you’ll be much better off.

You are being taken for a ride. You’ve compromised your earning potential to make his life more comfortable. He doesn’t owe you anything financially.

Go back to work full time.

Go back full time and I would be considering ending the relationship. If he isn’t even willing to lend you money to help, he doesn’t love you.