DP wants home ownership but not a mortgage

[Maplelady]

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

The only thing I would think to do in this situation is to deduct bills from his £600 and then save up the rest in an account in your name only. Eventually use this money saved to buy a cheaper rental property elsewhere and split the mortgage on that. But in the meantime, if you split, you get to keep the money saved, or possibly a share each, because otherwise he has profited from living rent free with you.

If he's earning 80k and only paying you £600 a month why hadn't he got a decent chunk of savings, if he had say £100k you could buy together both cash and percentages of ownership would reflect that

Only read OPs posts so somebody else might have asked this.

@Maplelady
If he stops paying a mortgage then the bank will repossess the property.
If he stops paying you what would happen? Could you take control of his share? No, you would be stuck in a hugely expensive court case where you would "win" but you would end up with no house and no savings. Is he really that good in bed? Don't do it.

I am a bloke here, and I am giving an honest point of view, as I (we / me and GF) are in the scenario you are. Lower numbers involved, and I admittedly rent out my own small flat. I give the 'landlady' my digs and I have never once thought of the scenario you have been presented with.
We did discuss buying somewhere else, and may do in the future, but it will be properly done with equal shares/deposits or an agreement drawn up for relevant % shares. I wouldn't dream of trying that nonsense on.

I'm not sure I would want to live with someone who treated me like his rich mummy....

He can get a mortgage because I’ve seen the mortgage in principle. He just doesn’t want it. Can I ask if your future partners have been cool about you never wanting to become financially intertwined?

Can you get a buy to let mortgage if you don't already own a property?

What would be in it for you?!

Hard pass from me.

I own my house but I have a mortgage, house is worth about 125k with 58k mortgage. DP and I get married in a few months buy before he moved in my solicitors drew up an agreement that meant he had no claim to the houae should we split up (he pays 50% of utilities, food council tax but pays nothing towards mortgage and maintenance of the house). We have had a prenup written to extend this after the marriage so that the house is protected.

@Maplelady protect yourself!!! It's not about trust or love, it is about sensible financial decisions.

Why do you feel the need to strongly encourage him to take thought for his own financial future? Is he a toddler? Is he your teenage son?

This man is old enough to have sex, wirk, and thinks he is going to start a business? He does not need to have money explained to him.

Can I ask if your future partners have been cool about you never wanting to become financially intertwined?

I have a feeling yours won't be.
How much are you willing to lose to make him happy?

He doesn't have to be your tenant if he ponies money in the form of a mortgage to buy a share of the equity in this house or another.

This is his CHOICE.

What he is proposing is not a partnership arrangement. He wants a share of your assets without any commitment or risk on his part - whilst depreciating your share of the equity.

As a pp said, no decent solicitor would recommend what he is proposing.

I'd have a huge ick over this tbh.

He wants to be able to walk away at any time. He could even force you to buy him out

a bank will be able to hold him to his obligations in a way you can not.

please please.do not, I say, do not do this. ever.

I guess you have a lower salary so he thinks he can order you about.

If he wants it to be all pleasure and no business between you two he can move out and be someone else's tenant!

Funny how it's not a problem for him to mix business and pleasure when he's asking you to finance his dreams with an interest free loan and zero guarantee he'll pay up (on the contrary, you can pretty much guarantee he won't!).

Admittedly I'm asking this from the perspective of a NMW earner who is totally unmotivated by money, but with an income of £80k and no DC why does he want to start a business anyway? He has the ability to save hundreds each month to afford whatever he fancies doing in life. Is he one of these who's always hankering after a get-rich-quick scheme because he's convinced he "deserves" more from life than what he has? Such people are basically gamblers and risk takers who are happy to shirk debt payments if their sure-thing doesn't pay off, because in their minds their "worth" and what they're convinced they "deserve" is always more important to them than any promises they've made to others.

He can get a mortgage because I’ve seen the mortgage in principle. He just doesn’t want it.

So he’s got enough savings for a deposit for a place of his own but doesn’t want to take the risk of a mortgage in his name (a buy to let for example), instead wanting you to shoulder the risk. He’s a childish prick and I’m assuming after reading your replies you won’t be agreeing to his plan. Be careful because after the days settles he may ask you to marry him.

On 80k how come he has no deposit to include?

OP if he's on 80k before tax and paying you 7200 a year, he's left with £48,250 per year.
Where is all this money going?

Any solicitor worth their salt (with any integrity) would laugh them out of the door

I think 600 is reasonable in those circumstances. It is much less than he would need to pay for his own place. It is more than the cost of him being there to the OP (extra bills, food etc). So both are benefitting slightly (though actually I take that back if he/you have a super expensive lifestyle and you are subsidising him). But its fairer than if he was paying full market value for renting a house to his partner, or if she was subsidising him.

His suggestion is very cheeky though.

You are quite lucky in some ways. He’s been quite open about his plan to financially abuse you and exploit you. This would put me right off him.

He isn’t joining with you financially as married couple does he is literally exploiting you and strip mining you for assets. All reward/no risk us not “joining.”

No. I don’t own a house yet but want to, so if I got with someone and they owned outright not a chance I’d be as cheeky as to ask for this arrangement. If he wants to own he goes for the option where you sell and he pays the mortgage, he’s still massively benefiting from living in a house way bigger than the amount he could afford. So it’s win win.

Yeah how about no. And if he’s on 80k why doesn’t he own a house? Tell him to buy his own place and have it rented out and keep your mortgage free house.

In all honesty, if someone suggested this to me I'd be so put off them that I'd end the relationship.

They are either too stupid/financially naive to recognise that they've proposed to financially exploit me, or they know full well that they're proposing to financially exploit me.