DP wants home ownership but not a mortgage

[Maplelady]

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

Hell no! Don't be his banker, especially since you've been fleeced/burned previously. If he wants a property, he should buy his own property on the mortgage he raised.

Or if he wants a share in a property, you should draw up papers together in some way. Even if he's paying you - because you're taking all the risk - there should be documents acknowledging this and detailing what the outcomes are.

When we married, my DH bought at house for us. At the time, only his name was on the deed because I had no job. Later, when he paid off the mortgage (but I was working part time and had produced and was looking after 2 children for us) he added my name to the deed.

What is your DP doing to contribute to the partnership?

Just say no. He could easily afford a mortgage and "not wanting one" is his problem not yours.

I would also hang on to those savings, its good not to have everything tied up in your house.

Crafty Sod!

Why didn't you learn your lesson the 1st time? If he doesn't want a mortgage then why does he want to repay you? He has zero intention of paying you. If you split up he'll take half the house. Why put yourself at that kind of risk, just to save his feelings?! He can buy a bedsit/flat and rent it out. He'll have a cheap property he'll own. He doesn't need to own yours!

oh look! giant red flag. If he wants a house and no mortgage, he'd better start doing the lottery

He could save each month if he wants to give himself security.

I would tell him to fuck right off!

Seeing as you own your house outright, why don’t you just ask him to pay his share of the bills and save the rest towards a deposit for a house he can eventually own outright? Then he’s not your lodger, you’re actually offering him a way to save a lot of money himself.
there is no way I’d put him on your house

He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house.

No no no no no no no! Fuck that shit OP. Read it again. A mortgage is something he accepts he's obligated to pay and feels tied into for its duration (obviously). Whereas you acting as "bank" for him would be a situation he feels totally free to ignore/cancel/end the arrangement at any time he likes.

He also wants you to lose all the interest you would have accrued on your savings, by spending them instead, which then has the knock on effect of leaving you without an emergency fund. He wants you to do this so that he doesn't have to pay the bank any interest on a mortgage, but still gets to live in a bigger better house than he does now and own it, initially without having paid for it.

That's not commitment or love. That's him getting what he wants at your expense and risk. Massive red flags for selfishness. Think twice before tying yourself to him financially. He doesn't have your best interests at heart, he's focused solely on his own.

His response to your perfectly reasonable offer would have me changing my mind, retracting that offer and telling him that if he wants to own property whilst living with me he can continue the current arrangement whilst also raising a mortgage, buying something and renting it out. Or else he can move out.

You’re not married and I assume no children. You are neither financial equals nor legal equals.

From your perspective you may as well be giving your bank details out over the phone to a random caller. Be very careful.

This is a very strange thing to suggest. Could he be in debt and not eligible for a mortgage. Is there something he isn't telling you about perhaps?

Wouldn't we all love a house without a mortgage?!

But at our partners expense?

No. Not at all.

Now, you have a conundrum to figure out here, is he thick as shit, or is he a chancer? He's one of the two OP, and none I would choose to be tied to, and I do not have anything like the same to lose financially.

Oh no - it's a 'NO' to that idea! Impractical for a start and messy too.

Either it is your property, or you buy as tenants in common in unequal shares, with those shares set out in writing, but he needs to put up some capital. Do not give him a legal interest in the property if he has invested nothing up front in it.

Bingo.

he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house

How exactly does this work? Say he pays 600 a month to you. What % of the house does each 600 give him? Based on a valuation as of what time and by who? What if the value of the property massively goes up or down in the next few years. Does the 600 buy him the same % or will you adjust the % periodically to 'mark to market'. Who will value the property from time to time - you, him, estate agent, bank of whose choosing?

Will his name be on the title deeds at all? If it is joint from the outset, absolutely refuse this on the basis that he has the barefaced cheek to 'steal' 300,000 from you from the get go whilst paying you 600 per month with no guarantee those payments will continue.

If he is not on the title deeds, how will you recognise his ever growing interest in the property?

You need a lawyer to document all this. I am a lawyer and I am shaking my head at how overly complicated this arrangement is. And it is not in your interest.

Red flags all round.

This.

It's an absolutely shit deal that only benefits him.

Do not do this.

“He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years”

😂😂😂😂

yeah…, me too but because I didn’t have a sugar mummy to help me out I had to suck it up.

(no offence OP)

I wonder if this fear of banks extends to accepting capital from them to start up his business?
I'd wager not.

No and whatever you do make sure you have a rent agreement so that he can never try and claim any part of your house in the event of a break up.

Absolutely not.

Please don't do this

No.

No way. Nah. You've been burnt once (I was too!!) and you really need to be careful.

What he's suggesting is absolutely wonderful for him.and totally shit for you.

I bet he's not able to get a mortgage because of stupid shit he's done in the past.

Honestly, I said I’d never buy a house with anyone again. I thought I was being unreasonable but all the comments on here have made me realise I’m not. I would strongly encourage him to make his own investments if that’s what he wants. I get that he doesn’t want to feel like my tenant but this is the reality of our situation

I mean, nobody really relishes the idea of a mortgage but how else did most of us become home owners?