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Original poster

DP wants home ownership but not a mortgage

621 replies

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 18:43

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 03/07/2024 18:58

Well, if he doesn't want a mortgage then he'll have to save up won't he? His idea is absolutely insane for you.

Richard1985 · 03/07/2024 19:05

What a chancer!

Andthereitis · 03/07/2024 19:06

Nah. He seems quite keen to direct your money.

Original poster
Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:07

AuntieJoyce · 03/07/2024 18:50

If he’s not happy borrowing then why is he happy borrowing from you? The answer is that if anything happens, he thinks he won’t pay you back.

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

OP posts:
80smonster · 03/07/2024 19:07

Nah, wouldn't be up for that if I were you. Why doesn't he go ahead and buy a property for whatever he feels is affordable mortgage-wise, he can rent it out and use the rent to pay you rent/top that up if its not hitting whatever you agreed. You will both own property. No need to pop a claim on each others? If you were to part company, worst case scenario - he will have somewhere to go.

MounjaroUser · 03/07/2024 19:09

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:07

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

Show quote history

What? Has he actually said that he could stop payments to you?

I would go off this man so quickly. He wants what you have, OP, and he's literally telling you that. I'd get away from him as fast as I could. I wouldn't be able to trust him an inch.

MostlyHappyMummy · 03/07/2024 19:09

If he's lived with you for 3 years and only paid £600 per month for living expenses - surely he could have pretty much saved up most of the money required for his mortgage.
Where is all that money?

Original poster
Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:10

Hotgirlwinter · 03/07/2024 18:50

No I wouldn’t do that.

I always think when it comes to money you have to remove emotion, it’s not whether you trust them or don’t trust them, it’s simply not good sense to do this.

Ok he doesn’t like the idea of a mortgage - who does? It’s just part of life for most ppl

This is good advice. We are a bit conditioned to feel guilty about removing emotions from these sorts of decisions because it makes us look like mean spirited partners. I kind of see his logic but it just feels off to me

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 03/07/2024 19:10

This sounds really dodgy to me.

AdmittowearingCrocs · 03/07/2024 19:11

Don’t do this. I owned my own house when I married my ex but he was unhappy that he didn’t own any of the house. We had another child (I already had three from first marriage and he didn’t have any) so we bought a bigger house in joint names. From my house sale I put a third down as deposit. He put nothing down as he had nothing. He left after two years so I carried on and paid the mortgage. He disappeared and it took me 15 years to get my divorce. I was a mature student at Uni and he was on sickness benefits when it went to court and I lost a large percentage of the value of my house and had to remortgage to pay him off. I will never compromise my security and home in the same way again.
Edited to correct spelling

radio4everyday · 03/07/2024 19:11

He wants to own a house but not have a mortgage?

he could win the lottery, or grow the fuck up.

Iloveshihtzus · 03/07/2024 19:11

Oh OP, you have gone from one man who took advantage of you financially, to another who wants to do the same. Please do the Freedom
Programme - and dump this guy now.

Psspsspssssss · 03/07/2024 19:13

Iloveshihtzus · 03/07/2024 19:11

Oh OP, you have gone from one man who took advantage of you financially, to another who wants to do the same. Please do the Freedom
Programme - and dump this guy now.

This OP. Stop dating freeloading wastrels.
He can't have it both ways - either he gets a mortgage or remains paying for lodgings.
If he doesn't like paying you, he's welcome to move out and pay a landlord instead.

SwordToFlamethrower · 03/07/2024 19:13

Yeah basically, he could choose not to pay you back for whatever reason, but own a house. Massive red flags

Bruciebogtrotter · 03/07/2024 19:14

Could you keep your original house in your name and rent it out and then buy a new smaller house jointly with a joint mortgage?

OMGsamesame · 03/07/2024 19:15

MounjaroUser · 03/07/2024 19:09

What? Has he actually said that he could stop payments to you?

I would go off this man so quickly. He wants what you have, OP, and he's literally telling you that. I'd get away from him as fast as I could. I wouldn't be able to trust him an inch.

Show quote history

This.

Do you want kids? I'll bet if you did and then split he'd make sure his earnings for CMS purposes were zero.

He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.
Don't we all! But it's the risk you have to take if you want to own a house in 20 years and don't have the capacity to buy outright.

Why does he think you should risk all your capital for his benefit?

pikkumyy77 · 03/07/2024 19:15

coodawoodashooda · 03/07/2024 18:50

He's okay with you being more vulnerable than him.

This is correct.

DPotter · 03/07/2024 19:16

Nice try Maplelady's DP, nice try.

Absolutely no way would I be selling up and using all my savings to buy a house and then handing over ownership piecemeal. You would be taking all the risk and he all the benefit.

Not even sure how you could do this - how would you change legal ownership if he pays it off month by month. How would you set up a contract and how would it be inforced.

No - I agree with everyone else. Don't do it. For someone earning £80k, he's either very thick or really chancing his arm. He either gets a mortgage, remains a renter or wins the lottery.

By the way I think £600 per month as a lodger is pretty low (depending on which are you live in) and I sincerely hope he's paying additional sums for council tax, utilities, food, insurance, etc etc. And if he isn't - well get that sorted first

PaminaMozart · 03/07/2024 19:16

No no no noooooo...

Don't commit to anything without legal advice.

TimeandMotion · 03/07/2024 19:17

He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

Aw, diddums. It’s not as if anyone with a mortgage loves the idea, is it? But that’s life.

Psspsspssssss · 03/07/2024 19:17

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:10

This is good advice. We are a bit conditioned to feel guilty about removing emotions from these sorts of decisions because it makes us look like mean spirited partners. I kind of see his logic but it just feels off to me

Show quote history

OP the 'logic' here is that you are essentially taking on the burden of becoming an unauthorized provider of finance.
He gets a share of the property without the requisite checks, balance and legal agreement.
You get the responsibility of paying the bank on his behalf and screwed if it all goes tits up.

Also, I can 100% guarantee you that no respectable solicitor would allow this arrangement.

How would it even work .. 'after X years of payment he gets Y share of the house'?

What exactly do you think makes sense about his logic? Other than the unnecessary guilt you've been conditioned to feel?

Nigellasstickytoffeepudding · 03/07/2024 19:17

How bloody dare he suggest such a thing.

I do hope you said absolutely not op.

He's a gold digging twat

MounjaroUser · 03/07/2024 19:18

Just out of interest - does he have any savings and does he intend to use any of them on the deposit, or does he think you should supply that, too?

AvocadoDevil · 03/07/2024 19:18

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:07

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

Show quote history

I think you meant to say:

”he could stop the payments if he wanted to”

PaminaMozart · 03/07/2024 19:18

MostlyHappyMummy · 03/07/2024 19:09

If he's lived with you for 3 years and only paid £600 per month for living expenses - surely he could have pretty much saved up most of the money required for his mortgage.
Where is all that money?

Indeed.

Is he feathering his nest while you scrimp and save?