DP wants home ownership but not a mortgage

[Maplelady]

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

Basically it would be the same as your current set up except the £600 (or different amount) would gain him equity in your house. I wouldn’t do that and use all your savings

Its also, concerning, that "he doesn't want to be tied to a mortgage for 20 years" but his alternative is you uprooting your own life (selling house and buying new one) to get a house that will one day be jointly shared. Surely, if he was genuinely reliable, his own plan would also mean a long term financial commitment. As much if not more than a mortgage since presumably he wouldn't want to back out of your arrangement. Yet this doesn't concern him...

Bin him. Easiest answer ever.

He wants to own a home but he doesn’t want to pay for it. No deal.

That's something that parents do for their children. Not non-related adults. It's patronising and pathetic. If he wants a house he's going have to either save or borrow - not from the op!

Tell him to jog on. Never give up your independence.

OP what are you thinking? Have we convinced you?

Like, I can see what he's trying to do here. You've been together three years, so it's not like he's randomly burst on to the scene. It's difficult because you may be starting to get to the stage where you feel his money is your money, but also you don't want to jeopardise the financial security you've built for yourself.

On the one hand, him owing you money instead of the bank, makes complete sense, because interest rates as we all know are eye watering at the moment. Over years, the amount he would be saving, would be huge.

But as you're a couple, wouldn't you both be saving that money?

On the other hand though, if and when you separate in future, this all makes for a very difficult situation to unpick.

I don't agree with the kneejerkers telling you to immediately dump him. By that logic, you should only ever start a relationship in future with somebody who also already owns their own property.

@Maplelady Not on your nelly!!!! he wants to half own your house without the mortgage! then split and he gets 50%!!!! forget that!

Don’t do this in a million Years OP.

So that's a no then

JustAnotherSexStarvedHusband

No, just another mysogynist.

Nice try! You are financially astute so make sure that you protect yourself. If he wants to go on the deeds then he needs to stump up.

Hahahaha he doesn’t want to owe the bank with a huge sum but has no problem owing you lol

Please don’t follow through, it will result in issues and resentment and you potentially losing out.

And let me guess if you decide to go through with his proposal, it would not feel right signing legal documents outlining the deal to protect you, I guess he expects it to be based on a gentleman’s handshake?

Is the £600 he gives you for rent, or does that include food and half of utilities?

This. Run…. He’s after your wealth.

Definitely not. Not ever. Please don’t enter into this arrangement.

Absolutely do not do what he’s suggesting. It’s unbelievably risky for you.
The vast majority of people who want to own a house have to get a mortgage. That’s adult life. He isn’t exempt from having to do what the rest of us do.

My guess is once he's got his feet under the table he'll start throwing his weight around, whilst simultaneously shirking the payments, secure in the knowledge that OP won't end the relationship no matter how bad he gets because if she does she'll lose half her house.

OP it's a fact of life that arseholes like this tend not to respect you if you don't even respect yourself. No self-respecting person would allow themselves to be used this way. It's a red flag (for low self esteem or something) in yourself that you're even considering it.

Well, he shouldn’t stop the payments to you!

No one “wants” to have a mortgage but it’s just one of those things. He needs to suck it up and pay his share like the rest of us do. Or not own property. It really is that simple. He sounds like a wannabe cocklodger. Nip this in the bud

*Could stop his payments if he needed too

More like he doesn't want a joint mortgage so he can plan not to pay anything towards his living expenses and become a cock lodger.

I'd be wary if he was on the deeds to the house you're paying for that he wouldn't try to use it as collateral to raise funds to start a business;one that could go tits up and end up owing money to people.

Keep your house,he can pay you rent to live there and if he wants to own a property he can buy one himself.

Out of interest has he been transparent with you regarding finances;are you sure there isn't secret debts,a bad credit history etc

Absolutely DO NOT agree to this nonsense. I guarantee your DP would not enter into this ridiculous arrangement if you were asking the same of him. Don't become his mortgage provider, it won't end well.

A large percentage of new businesses fail. What would happen in the future if his new business was in trouble and he had a large asset in the stake in your property? I think I would get some legal advice now to make absolutely sure he has no claim on your property because he lives there…and that’s before considering his ideas about interest free property ownership!

I'd be incredibly wary of someone who claims to earn £80k and has no savings or assets to show for it....

Nobody wants to pay a bloody mortgage, he’s absolutely ridiculous and his suggestion makes him unattractive.