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Original poster

DP wants home ownership but not a mortgage

621 replies

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 18:43

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 03/07/2024 19:18

Well why doesn’t he feel bad for freeloading off you? Why doesn’t he have some emotions about putting your family finances at risk without sharing the burden equally?

He is making you a (bad) business proposition masquerading as a romantic gesture. Just be businesslike about it and say no.

moggiek · 03/07/2024 19:19

Hard no.

DPotter · 03/07/2024 19:19

Sorry - to answer your direct question - it is totally understand to feel uncomfortable about his proposition.

Trust your gut - you have yourself another freeloader

Livinghappy · 03/07/2024 19:19

How old is this man?

No one wants a mortgage for 20 years.. it feels like a weight but that's reality of house ownership. Did you have a mortgage you paid off?

Wizardcalledoz · 03/07/2024 19:20

But he would owe you a lot of money and would be tied to a 'mortgage', just not to a bank. It doesnt make sense. I'd be very wary, esp after only 3 years

PurpleBugz · 03/07/2024 19:20

You are right to be wary. I personally would not

ButtSurgery · 03/07/2024 19:21

Cheeky prick. You face all the risk and pay all the interest, fees and charges - he gets to swan about?

Nah. He can jog on.

Original poster
Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:21

80smonster · 03/07/2024 19:07

Nah, wouldn't be up for that if I were you. Why doesn't he go ahead and buy a property for whatever he feels is affordable mortgage-wise, he can rent it out and use the rent to pay you rent/top that up if its not hitting whatever you agreed. You will both own property. No need to pop a claim on each others? If you were to part company, worst case scenario - he will have somewhere to go.

This is the other option. I would fully support him if he wanted to do something like that.

OP posts:
Longlazyday · 03/07/2024 19:22

What did you learn first time round?

Psspsspssssss · 03/07/2024 19:22

Wizardcalledoz · 03/07/2024 19:20

But he would owe you a lot of money and would be tied to a 'mortgage', just not to a bank. It doesnt make sense. I'd be very wary, esp after only 3 years

He wouldn't owe her anything - if she was enough of a pushover to agree to such a ridiculous agreement, it's highly likely he's be able to guilt her into handing over a share of the house although he stopped paying. Promises of repayment when the business does better... Accusations of being cruel etc.

There's no downside for him. Especially as he has to pay to live somewhere anyway. This way, he gets a share of a property potentially with zero risk.

verdantverdure · 03/07/2024 19:22

What about he saves up for twenty years instead?

Is he paying £600 rent plus bills or is he living rent free or bills free?

Neveranynamesleft · 03/07/2024 19:23

Trust your gut. You obviously are not comfortable with the whole thing as you have come on here. And rightly so... look how many folk have told you no !

KeyWorker · 03/07/2024 19:23

I could already see a tiny red flag there and now Ive read your update regarding him setting up his own business it’s a great big red flag flying in the breeze. Having a mortgage or rent to pay is normal and part of being a grown up, even if you are looking to start your own business. He can’t just opt out.

Out of curiosity, how much money has he saved since moving in with you?

GingerPirate · 03/07/2024 19:24

I cannot see one reason why I would even consider this.

Uricon2 · 03/07/2024 19:24

MounjaroUser · 03/07/2024 19:09

What? Has he actually said that he could stop payments to you?

I would go off this man so quickly. He wants what you have, OP, and he's literally telling you that. I'd get away from him as fast as I could. I wouldn't be able to trust him an inch.

Show quote history

Basically , entirely this.

You would be very foolish to go along with a madcap scheme that benefits only him.

Knickerknack · 03/07/2024 19:25

What if you lose your job and can't pay the mortgage - or go on mat leave? What if he loses his job - is he legally obliged to go on paying you, and can you afford him not to? You bear all the financial risk in this scenario and he none, so why should he benefit?

HandymcCandy · 03/07/2024 19:25

It's a no from me.

Poolstream · 03/07/2024 19:25

No.

You are not a bank.

Not for him or anyone.

Noshowlomo · 03/07/2024 19:25

hard no

Igmum · 03/07/2024 19:26

No. Absolutely not. Just no.

Seeingadistance · 03/07/2024 19:26

SuncreamAndIceCream · 03/07/2024 18:52

Lol.

No.

Seconding both the lol and the no.

cantwait4orsummer · 03/07/2024 19:26

Why don't you buy a house- just in your sole name and keep him as a lodger? No interest in the property whatsoever

gardenmusic · 03/07/2024 19:27

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

AAAAAGH! So no rent, no payment towards house (which is a very bad idea anyway) possibly no help with the utilities....

ARichtGoodDram · 03/07/2024 19:28

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:07

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

Show quote history

So he wants to own half your home whilst have the freedom to not pay you for it?

What is in that for you?

HateMyselfToo · 03/07/2024 19:29

What's the betting he can't get a mortgage due to money problems in the past!

MN must have made me suspicious - don't marry him as he'd end up getting his hands on your property and savings.

He should buy somewhere himself, rent it out to cover what he pays you and plough any additional money into paying off his mortgage quicker. Ta da - he will soon own somewhere without a mortgage without you bankrolling him.

Then he will be in a position to talk about going into something jointly with you - when he actually has something to bring to the table.