How do I get rid of the urge to always spend all of my money?

[Jessie21]

I'm well aware I am going to get a lot of flack on this post. All I can say is please be kind, I am trying to sort this out before it gets serious.

I'm 25. I'm in a low paid job (£18k a year) but about halfway through my training to become a solicitor. When I qualify I'll obviously open a lot of doors. I've got to stick it out until qualification.

I live at home. My parents don't ask for rent, they are well off. They ask for me to do my own food shopping and that's about it. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in that regard.

The issue is, I'm obviously wanting to start saving for a house and things like that. My first goal is, realistically, a car. I'd love my own little run around instead of sharing with my mum.

But the issue is, as soon as I get any money into my account, I start spending it. I'll always come up with excuses to buy things and regret it at the end of the month.

My monthly wage is £1300 give or take. I have about £250 in monthly outgoings (phone contract, gym, contact lenses, university fees). After that I could, basically, save £700+ a month. But I just don't.

It'll be an excuse - "oh I need more work clothes" or "I need a new makeup sponge" and I'm sick of it. But I just can't break this habit.

I have all the best intentions and then never get round to actually doing any of it.

I've realised this is an issue because I've just received a pretty decent bonus from work - £750 after tax. And my first thought is "oh, what can I buy?"

I need a revision guide for my exams and some flashcards, and thats it. But I'm sat here thinking about all the cult beauty orders or asos orders I could do.

I'm aware I'm a failure - 25 with very few savings and still living at home, but I really want to break that cycle before I'm earning serious amounts of money. What do I do? Any tips? Any advice?

Moneysavingexpert.com has some tips on not spending, so see if any of those help.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/stop-spending-budgeting-tool/

They're also very good for financial education for beginners.

I have read the full thread now.

First bit of advice is to restart your pension. You are losing out on employer contributions and tax relief so literally throwing away money. It is invested in stocks and shares which do go up and down. It was low earlier on this year but is increasing again now. Do some research on where it is invested by checking pension statements and websites.

Second bit of advice is ignore your parents situation. £18k is not a bad starting salary and you have few outgoings so your disposable income is comparably high. Learning to budget is the single most valuable life skill alongside learning to cook. Your parents finances are not the norm so do not measure yourself against them. You most definitely are not a failure. Go on MSE and see how many are in debt with no savings and little disposable income because they have rent and bills.

Third bit of advice is get some help with your anxiety. Investigate CBT or talking therapies. Getting anxious because you don't have huge amounts in your account sounds like you are trying to measure up to your parents and at 25 and still unqualified that is unrealistic.

Keeping a spending diary where you write down everything spent may help.

When I say pausing my pension, I mean my own personal Vanguard pension, not my workplace one (that's still going!)

Is there any option to increase your payments into your workplace pension as part of your regular savings savings, rather than restarting your private one?

Not that I'm aware of - payroll only gave us the option to change it after 3 months. I'm barely above minimum wage so don't believe I can salary sacrifice much more as it'll push me below minimum wage

If you're paying the maximum into your workplace pension (for now) you're not losing out on employer contributions and probably not on more tax relief on the extra contributions to a private pension (if you're already getting maximum tax relief). I think everyone thought from what you said upthread that you had stopped paying into a workplace pension/any pension, and were missing out on employer contributions.

But I think you should be saving it not spending it, and paying more into your pension each time your income improves.

And if you don't need a car full time, at least while you're living at home and working at your current workplace, a car is really expensive to run, as I understand it. Perhaps look at the costs of using Zipcars or something similar when you do actually need a car, out of your discretionary spending budget, and continue saving the money for longer.

You need to feel excited about saving every month and watching that balance increase every month.

If you start with £500 in a year that's £6k and you'll want to keep seeing that go up and up and up. Look into ISAs and LISAs.

The other thing I would suggest is plan ahead rather than waiting for payday. Decide how much you want to save, how much you want to spend on food, how much you want to spend on treating yourself and maybe pay a little towards bills/rent just as a practice. I'm sure your parents will appreciate it (if I was the mother I'd actually save it and give back one day if I could) and helps you appreciate how much it takes to run a home.

How about 'paying' your parents a sum each month for your keep? You are very lucky that they do not want or need it - maybe they could save it for you.
Would they share with you the cost of the direct debits going out each month? Take the fuel direct debit, split it between the number of people in the house and hand over your share. Ditto other DD's.
To be honest, at 25 and working, I would want to share costs, regardless of my parents wishes.
It would be a good insight into paying for living costs, even if you get it back at a later date.
That should take away the 'pocket money' feeling.

I have adhd too but I can get a buzz out of saving as well as spending. I have two savings accounts. One is from deductions at source and for my old age.
I also have savings in a credit union so I can borrow against my own savings and pay back as low as possible over a long time (but over pay when I'm able).

Those two accounts are difficult to get at.

On my phone I can move money out of my current account to build up a buffer account that I can dip back into if I need.

I'm still only earning about 38k per annum @Jessie21 but over a life time, if you get clever about money you can get security.

If I can do it with adhd, and being single with no other income to prop me up, then it can be learned. For years in my 20s I never had a cent. I even cashed in a pension at one point. What an idiot!!

When I retire I will be ok. Not comfortable but ok. As in not too worried about money. Maybe not enough for all the ideas I have though.

Three things which really helped with my impulsive spending:

1. Pick a “shopping day” and stick to it. I only buy non-essentials on a Monday. It doesn’t stop me browsing for the rest of the week, and putting things in my shopping basket - but I don’t click buy. I find that my desire for 90% of the things I’ve chosen has waned by the time Monday comes around. When I do shop, I’ll try to pick just one of the items, or set myself a modest budget, rather than splurging uncontrollably. It works really, really well.
2. Completely agree with everyone else about savings. I use Moneybox which is a v user-friendly app which uses AI to calculate how much to move from your current account to a savings account (in line with savings targets you’ve set). It also does “round ups” meaning that it will look at every transaction on my debit and credit cards and transfer to savings a rounding up figure (to the nearest £2) - so if I’ve spent £9.50 in Tesco it would transfer £1.50 to my savings.
3. Recognise that you are spending in the anticipation that it will make you happy but that acquiring all your material possessions has not actually achieved that.

Ps my 21 year old daughter is living with me rent free atm but when she's earning properly not just a pt job, I will charge her 500 month and save 2 thirds for her future, and one third for me, split 50:50 (my own savings: expenses)

I know she'll try and beat me down on that though! She loves having money!!

Not spending really is a hard habit to get into. I love seeing my account balance at the end of the month when I've not spent anything beyond the nessesities.

So, move most of your cash in a savings account but leave enough in your current account for everyday. If you can view the balance in the savings account it might help with the anxious feeling. Leave all your cards at home, disable PayPal/Amazon etc and lastly shop online but don't complete your basket. The actual of choosing things but not actively buying might help.

Yeah if I was your daughter I would be upset at paying into your savings 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's not her responsibility to save for you

They will not, under any circumstances, take money off me, in any way shape or form

If you want your own your own place, you should open a LISA ASAP. It is free money - 25% top up towards your first home. I reckon that this will get chopped with a change of government but they usually honour already open accounts. Even if you only put in half your spare cash, you could get a tidy sum.

This. An investor once told me that if I invested a couple of thousand into a good ETF and just left it there for my children, and they didn't touch it at all through their working lives, it would grow to make them millionaires in their old age. Work hard at understanding how savings can grow. You are young enough for this to really make a big difference to you long term. I wish I'd understood this when I was younger.

I have a LISA, not confident about it staying though

That’s a hugely entitled attitude. The poster is saying she is going to charge her daughter rent. She is then being very generous and saving 2/3 of that money for her daughter’s future. It is entirely up to her what she does with that rent money. Her choosing to put part of the remainder into her own savings is not, in any way, her daughter saving “for her”.

Your perception of the world looks to be badly skewed by your parents failing to treat you like an adult. I had some sympathy for you until you showed your views there, but it really is time for you to grow up a bit.

@JustPleachy there's a difference between charging rent to pay your bills and to pay into your savings though

No, there really isn’t. That poster, and your parents, have additional costs because of having an extra adult in the house. Most adults want to pay their own way if they can.

@JustPleachy and so do I. But my parents will not accept it.

Each to their own, my parents would never dream of asking me to pay into their savings.

I think accounts with the different compartments where you can separate out your money into available for spending/reserved for bills/emergencies/savings can help with this, but also, if you recognise there is an unhelpful thought pattern that you want to change, CBT is quite good for that and you can self-refer on the NHS in a lot of areas.

I have a direct debit set up so that on payday a sum is automatically taken straight out of the account and moved into my savings account. It means I never really have a point at which my monthly salary is sat in my bank account so I don’t account for that money. If it’s going to be a struggle to get used to having less money start by only moving £100 or so a month and gradually build it up until it’s more. Realistically if you ever want to move out of home you will likely have to pay rent or a mortgage and won’t have £700 disposable income (unless you’re likely to become a high earner) so you should get used to having less ‘fun money.’

I used to have a Monzo account but moved away because there's a lot in the news about them being dodgy

Your parents are landlords, from what you say, and have happily saved that income. Why shouldn't a very generous parent-landlord save some of her daughter's payments?