How do I get rid of the urge to always spend all of my money?

[Jessie21]

I'm well aware I am going to get a lot of flack on this post. All I can say is please be kind, I am trying to sort this out before it gets serious.

I'm 25. I'm in a low paid job (£18k a year) but about halfway through my training to become a solicitor. When I qualify I'll obviously open a lot of doors. I've got to stick it out until qualification.

I live at home. My parents don't ask for rent, they are well off. They ask for me to do my own food shopping and that's about it. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in that regard.

The issue is, I'm obviously wanting to start saving for a house and things like that. My first goal is, realistically, a car. I'd love my own little run around instead of sharing with my mum.

But the issue is, as soon as I get any money into my account, I start spending it. I'll always come up with excuses to buy things and regret it at the end of the month.

My monthly wage is £1300 give or take. I have about £250 in monthly outgoings (phone contract, gym, contact lenses, university fees). After that I could, basically, save £700+ a month. But I just don't.

It'll be an excuse - "oh I need more work clothes" or "I need a new makeup sponge" and I'm sick of it. But I just can't break this habit.

I have all the best intentions and then never get round to actually doing any of it.

I've realised this is an issue because I've just received a pretty decent bonus from work - £750 after tax. And my first thought is "oh, what can I buy?"

I need a revision guide for my exams and some flashcards, and thats it. But I'm sat here thinking about all the cult beauty orders or asos orders I could do.

I'm aware I'm a failure - 25 with very few savings and still living at home, but I really want to break that cycle before I'm earning serious amounts of money. What do I do? Any tips? Any advice?

Very much this. Head up, big girls pants on and you can grip this easily.

You're being short sighted. You may be fine now, but you never know what might happen in the future. It is sensible for anyone, but particularly for a solicitor, to have a financial cushion. Right now when you have very limited costs and high disposable income would be the ideal time to build it. One day in the future you may be very grateful for it if e.g. illness or redundancy strikes.

You’re not a failure! I was like this into my thirties and ran up huge debt.

I second using Monzo. The free account is fine. Start small, putting away small amounts in a pot for hair stuff, clothes, car saving, school stuff etc. it gives you a better idea where your money goes.

Youve got lots of time to save, just spend a few months putting healthy new habits in place.

This quite long and quite a bit of waffle, but posted as it might help someone !

Ref the dopamine hit of the spend ...

I think you should do some automated saving. I have a Plum account that automatically rounds up spending from current account and puts it into savings. My main bank does this as well.There are also other things re plum that I do - eg automatic savings transfer, transfer to savings if it's raining (that nearly killed me at the beginning of the year when it was basically ☔ every day! ).

I've also got pots for savings for holiday, tax, car etc. I've also got a separate pot that I stick my eBay/vinted sales into that I don't touch.

I used to have an Amazon prime habit that was excessive. It's still there somewhat but now if I'm tempted I put the thing into an Amazon list. And not into my basket. My list is eclectic and I've currently got a book pouch, a pack of colour coordinated pens, some measuring spoons, a mandolin, a cherry pitter, cable ties, a treadmill and a kilner spaghetti jar... None of which I need.

This feeds my shopping addiction without actually buying anything.

I've also cleansed my emails and I subscribed to everything I possibly can do I aren't tempted by offers. I also I followed/muted facebook/Instagram accounts which were influencing me in a bad way.

It also helped with the process for me to declutter and get rid of stuff. Once I realised that I had 6 bottles of nail varnish remover, a big bag full of 'samples' of product that I wouldn't use, never mind the 10 bobble hats and 6 winter coats etc it was easier to say nope I don't need that.

It was cook books that did it for me - I got rid of a load at the beginning of the year (never cooked anything from them) - there was probably about 40 (at say £10 each when I bought them) and the second hand bookshop in our town gave me £20. Sunk cost and all that. Mentally it felt good, (so long as I don't think of the wasted miney!).

This all does mean that means that my purchases are considered rather than being immediately sated.

Although you are on a lowish wage at present, that will grow as you progress. It's difficult to think into the future but if you think that even if you put aside £200/month then in 1 year you have £2,400 which is a tidy sum.

Ref the having a big balance in your current account. With the banking apps it's easy to do immediate transfers across accounts/banks. My current account runs at about £20 in credit and I transfer what I spend as necessary. I often do multiple transfers a day. My sister likes to keep £300 in her current account. Plus interest rates aren't too bad so you are missing out there. You could set a balance you are happy with and transfer anything over that.

But perhaps you need that anxiety that the amount in your current account is low?

Why don't you set up two direct debits into two different savings accounts?

£500 into a long-term saver like an ISA and £200 into an easy access saver.

The latter can be used if really necessary if say you have a holiday or weekend away but every time it goes over a certain amount and you haven't s haven't spent it, move the excess to your ISA

You are unlikely to have this level of disposable income again and getting into these kind of habits is setting you up for a more difficult life later.

Give yourself a 'per diem' and be strict to follow it. Work out what disposable income you have to play with first after outgoings, food, rent, petrol etc and savings then don't spend more than that every day.

Save up for what you want with your per diem. So if my per diem was £20 a day and I wanted a new pair of shoes for £60, I'd think, ok I won't spend anything for a few days because that's worth 3 days per diem. It stops instant gratification.

During the expensive nursery years, my per diem was £5 per day on weekdays then £50 over the weekend to entertain family. I had to be so so frugal but we managed it.

I’m from a very impoverished background, the only time we got new clothes was at Xmas & it was one outfit, everything else was hand me downs from cousins or wearing clothes that were far too small. We didn’t have any pocket money etc, we didn’t go on days out, no cinema, no swimming, no weekend treats, had to walk absolutely everywhere as wasn’t allowed money for buses even school which was miles away. Sleeping in the same bed in winter with our clothes over our pjs so we didn’t have to have the heating on (I’m 42 for info).

I really struggle with money now as I always want a full fridge/cupboard, want the kids in nice clothes, want to give them treats etc. The way I manage to save now is to have 3 accounts. I have one that I can’t make withdrawals from, I have a credit union account which is a pain to withdraw from as you have to make a request so I’m not tempted to just transfer it over to my main account. I have SO set when I get paid so it’s straight out & I don’t notice it. I only spend what’s in my account. The CU account is for Xmas & birthdays & the other account is for long term savings

I also think your view of disposable income is quite skewed.

Yes you are on a low wage but it is basically all fun money. Even your outgoings are mostly in the 'nice to have ' rather than essential category.

Most people on higher wages won't have that much free spending a month once they have paid mortgage, council tax, gas, electric, water etc, etc.

You could easily save for a car and dismissing your wages in this way is foolish. You'll be disappointed in what you see in your pay packet even on 10k more once everything else comes out.

Remove all shopping apps off of your phone and go through your social media removing anyone that might influence you ( even if you don't realise it !) .
I've found this takes away temptation when I'm bored and scrolling

I'm trying with the car, it just feels so unobtainable - I'd need around £7.5k to get a decent one that won't just keep breaking down (I'm on an automatic licence too which doesn't help!), and that feels out of reach because it's half of my monthly wage

It is not at all unobtainable! Your bonus is 10% of that cost and you can save the rest within a year. I completely understand not wanting to ask your parents for more support, but could you say 'a contribution to my savings for a car' for Birthday and Christmas presents?

And you are working hard now so that you will have a much bigger income in the future. Don't do yourself down thinking you re on a 'shit wage' - think 'wow, I am being paid to qualify!'.

And put money in your savings account on payday, keeping enough to have some spending money, don't make life miserable and tough. Then take pleasure in how well you are doing, seeing your savings grow.

OK, but... you live at home with your parents, with effectively no actual expenses. What is the worst thing that's going to happen if you get towards the end of the month and there's no money in your account? At worst, you might have to eat beans on toast for a day or two, but there's no real risk to you here. You aren't going to be evicted, or have your power cut off, or any other real problem. There is literally no issue, if your current account is empty.

Also, I'm going to put it to you that you can actually control your spending, because you're already doing it. If it were truly out of control, you'd be in horrible debt because you'd be spending completely beyond your means. That doesn't seem to be the case, here. You're spending what you have, but not more. So you already have, and are using, the skills to stop spending at the appropriate moment. If you were to set a decent chunk - say £500 a month - aside into somewhere hard to access, then those skills would be what would help you to manage perfectly well on what you retain.

This isn’t adding up OP. Your parents are millionaires but only ever helped you with 5k exam fees, and you think 5k is a huge amount so you can’t ask them for more?

Didn’t your parents ever open a savings account for you? Fair enough they don’t charge you rent, but do they think you’re saving what would be your rent money each month? Do they know that you have no savings?

It’s not really a good enough excuse that you say your parents are useless at finances and that you just ‘can’t’ save because of ASOS.

Look at cash stuffing and penny savings and debt content on TikTok. DONT buy anyone’s courses or books, just watch the content and pick what method suits you best. If you were out renting right now and had a car you might be only able to save £20 a month, so take advantage of your current situation now.

Blimey, please don't pause your pension. Terrible advice. I would advise you restart that immediately.

I know you find it hard but I agree with the advice to transfer some of your spare money direct to a savings account each payday. Don't leave yourself with nothing, work out how much you need to live comfortably without splurging - maybe £200-250pm? Transfer the rest and consider it medium term savings and usable in emergencies.
If you saved £600pm you would have enough for a car outright within a year, that's great.
You could use a couple of accounts like the FD monthly savings account £300pm maximum contribution, interest is paid at the end of the 12m period.

Your salary will increase so things will only get better! And saving is a great habit to get into. I take pleasure out of my savings increasing and they give me a feeling of great security.

^This isn’t adding up OP. Your parents are millionaires but only ever helped you with 5k exam fees, and you think 5k is a huge amount so you can’t ask them for more?

Didn’t your parents ever open a savings account for you? Fair enough they don’t charge you rent, but do they think you’re saving what would be your rent money each month? Do they know that you have no savings^

This. I know that no-one can rely on being supported by their parents into adulthood (or an inheritance for that matter) but when your parents are so wealthy, it seems strange that they're not helping the OP more?

I'd have thought they'd at least buy the OP a car, or loan her the money to buy a decent one interest free. And even help her buy a house when the time is right. But no-one seems to have discussed anything, even if it's to talk about being a bit more financially responsible, if they don't approve of the OPs spending.

They want us to be independent. I don't want to ask them for money because it's not their job to support me - I have worked since I was 13. They don't owe me anything, they don't owe me an inheritance or anything

@Chocolatelabradorsarethebest I never said I can't save because of them - I said I have no idea re investing etc., because nobody in my family has any idea and I find it all confusing as hell

On a Reddit forum I was advised to pause them because it's "not worth it" and I "can easily claw back whatever I would have put in" when I'm on a higher wage. When I say I have no clue about any of it, I mean it

If you had your £250 outgoings, £250 a month general spends (which is generous), saved the remaining £800 and put your £750 bonus in to savings you’d have a car in 9 months. Would you rather have a car in 9 months or clothes and makeup? It really comes down to your priorities. On pay day start transferring the £800 in to a savings account and £250 in to a monzo account. You’ll be able to keep track easily of what you’re spending and once it’s gone it’s gone.

OK, so you read a Reddit post suggesting that it wasn't worth it, and changed your savings habits.

So you need to read some Mumsnet posts and change your spending habits just as easily.

(And put some back into your pension. A later high income isn't guaranteed.)

This is your problem. You’re an intelligent adult. If you can’t overcome this feeling you might as well give up now. Grow some willpower and have a standing order to pay money into savings on your payday. Then learn to leave it alone unless you need it

@Happyher really unhelpful to be honest

If your choice had been 'pension or food', the Reddit post would have had a point. But 'pension or frittering' isn't the same equation.

I was told to stop as, apparently, £90 a month is next to nothing and because my pension pot is only around £4000 at the moment I'm not worth investing into it

Do you usually do as you're told? It's not the impression I'm getting from this thread.

Ahem. I'm ill and grumpy. But if you can instantly stop saving without understanding why, you can restart with just as little thought.