How do I get rid of the urge to always spend all of my money?

[Jessie21]

I'm well aware I am going to get a lot of flack on this post. All I can say is please be kind, I am trying to sort this out before it gets serious.

I'm 25. I'm in a low paid job (£18k a year) but about halfway through my training to become a solicitor. When I qualify I'll obviously open a lot of doors. I've got to stick it out until qualification.

I live at home. My parents don't ask for rent, they are well off. They ask for me to do my own food shopping and that's about it. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in that regard.

The issue is, I'm obviously wanting to start saving for a house and things like that. My first goal is, realistically, a car. I'd love my own little run around instead of sharing with my mum.

But the issue is, as soon as I get any money into my account, I start spending it. I'll always come up with excuses to buy things and regret it at the end of the month.

My monthly wage is £1300 give or take. I have about £250 in monthly outgoings (phone contract, gym, contact lenses, university fees). After that I could, basically, save £700+ a month. But I just don't.

It'll be an excuse - "oh I need more work clothes" or "I need a new makeup sponge" and I'm sick of it. But I just can't break this habit.

I have all the best intentions and then never get round to actually doing any of it.

I've realised this is an issue because I've just received a pretty decent bonus from work - £750 after tax. And my first thought is "oh, what can I buy?"

I need a revision guide for my exams and some flashcards, and thats it. But I'm sat here thinking about all the cult beauty orders or asos orders I could do.

I'm aware I'm a failure - 25 with very few savings and still living at home, but I really want to break that cycle before I'm earning serious amounts of money. What do I do? Any tips? Any advice?

It's great you are recognising you have an issue. What strikes me is that although your salary is low your disposable income is relatively high due to your low outgoings. So perhaps the first stage is a mindset shift to realise that you actually have a lot of money. (Certainly more than me - I have a good salary but mortgage, childcare etc etc).

So given you have quite a lot of money, it's important to actively manage it. I would definitely recommend setting up a savings account that you automatically pay a set amount into each month. You say your parents won't accept rent but what if you paid them rent but then they put it aside for you (so you're effectively saving with them rather than a bank - you'd have money for a car in less than a year).

In terms of shopping - try to stop impulse buying. If you see something you want (but don't need) then take a photo/screenshot and keep a folder of things you want to buy. A few weeks later, review your photos and you'll probably find you don't feel the same need/emotional pull to purchase them - or at least not all of them. Don't be rushed into a purchase because of a 'special offer' or sale price. Buying a £50 top for £20 is not a bargain if you don't need it, it's £20 less towards your car fund. Good luck - picture yourself in a years time with your own car!

You’re being ridiculous. You CAN contribute and help you just can’t be arsed. For example, when my father was hospitalised suddenly I had money put aside to fill my mothers fridge, sort out her car parking, travel down to drive them back and forth, and pay a myriad of incidentals till the crisis passed. My mother could focus on her husband and nothing else. THAT is what making someone comfortable is.

My parents are millionaires.

I once paid for a £3.50 pint for my dad and he did not speak to me for days, because he was offended and upset that I had spent my money on him. My parents would not, and do not, accept money from any of their children in any way, shape or form.

I have cared for my parents through critical illnesses and even then, they refuse to accept money - if I bought food for them, they would immediately pay me back. They do not accept money from us.

I'll start doing that, it's just scary to take the plunge I think from one mindset to another

OP your current disposable income is high. Use this time to save up. Why don’t you just have an instant access savings account so you can still access the cash, but it’s not there in your current account? Doesn’t sound like you need that much money available for emergencies anyway, but you could have a few thousand saved in 3-6 months. Keep this as your emergency fund and then put any extra money into savings or investments with better rates which you can’t easily access.

Also consider a private pension!

Paused my private pension on other advice but it is sat there, I contributed about £90 a month before I paused, I will get that started again

Wow, that’s horrible, it is deeply disrespectful to refuse to let someone buy you a drink. Why can’t you refuse your father money if he can refuse yours? As for refusing to speak to you, honestly it’s controlling behaviour. Ignore it and carry on or address it and carry on but don’t acquiesce to a bully.
A millionaire with so little understanding of money they keep everything in current accounts is mind boggling.

They're just like that - if we buy them presents for their birthdays/Christmas they'd rather we spent the money on ourselves than them.

A lot of their money is in property, and everything else - they're retiring, they want access to it for holidays etc., they have regular income ~£15k a month, so they don't care to invest it etc., they just have money - a lucky position to be in for sure!

This is great advice. As is the advice to set up an auto transfer on payday. I was crap at saving in my 20s too but prioritised pension and now I’m late 30s I am so grateful that I did!

Ive got premium bonds, a stocks and shares ISA and cash savings. The PBs have a monthly prize draw which is exciting, and the S&S ISA fluctuates quite a lot - I enjoy keeping tabs on both to see how my savings are doing and find it more fulfilling than mindless purchasing too.

On the shopping - I’ve also started trying to buy better versions of things, so will spend much longer researching my purchases, which feels just as “fun” as buying them. I will often put something in my online basket but wait until the next day to actually pay for it and often I decide I don’t really want it. I’m buying fewer things that are better quality and will hopefully last longer. Good luck!

@Grinchinlaws how do you deal with the stocks and shares going down? I know it's only temporary but the idea of watching them go down terrifies me- but I am thinking I will open a s&s isa when I get paid next week

I agree with others. Find a middle ground, it's not a 'spend all' or 'save all'.

Don't see yourself as a failure, it's very tempting to buy the nice things. The fact that you recognise that you should be saving is more than the first step.

Have you looked at LISA accounts? Seeing your money build in one of those could be all the incentive you need. Just check the T&Cs though.

Good luck!

Actually they haven’t gone down in the sense that I’ve lost money since I opened them - the gain fluctuates between about 6% and 12%, but I invest a fixed amount each month so when the value is lower I can buy more and vice versa. I’ve got mine invested in simple tracker funds - over the long term they are not likely to lose money, though I appreciate it is a risk. That’s why I’ve got some money in cash and premium bonds as well though.

Paused my private pension on other advice but it is sat there, I contributed about £90 a month before I paused, I will get that started again

What advice was this? Early pension contributions are worth more per pound than anything you put in later. You really don't want to be playing catchup later instead.

I appreciate that you have the prospect of a high income later, but you have a lot of spare income right now.

I think part of my issue is that I'm on such a shit wage I feel like there's no point in saving - I'll never be able to afford a house or monthly car payment on what I'm on. Hopefully it'll increase soon but I'm also at a company who's apparently known for low wages

Haven't read the entire thread so apologies if anyone suggested this, but next time you want that top or shoes or whatever, work out how many hours work that is to pay for it and ask yourself if it's really value for money.

OP you're starting to come across as a bit whiney and spoilt, blaming the fact you can't save any money on your rich parents. All this 'I'm a failure' when you're clearly not is very self-indulgent. Your parents also sound very supportive of you and don't seem to be disparaging or your earnings/where you are.

You have loads of disposable income, you can easily save £500 a month and still have a good amount of disposable income to play with. You don't need to spend £7.5k on a 'little runabout'. You could easily get a good condition, low mileage, auto Fiat 500, Fiesta, Corsa etc for £3-£4k and have that saved up in 6 months, especially if you put all your bonus straight into it.

It feels like you need a bit of a reality check about what you think you should be achieving etc. I can't stand the usual MN race to the bottom on money, but you should be making the most of this time and you have far more than a lot of people far older with families to support.

I get it can feel tough to look at your current account and see there isn't much in there, but you'll know that you still have thousands saved in other accounts, so it'll all balance.

Yes, OP you could do a lot worse than putting a lot of money in your pension now. Although the main downside is that the money wouldn't be available for a house purchase. But neither would it be if you've spent it on crap.

I agree that if your parents can't/won't guide you, then you'll need to learn about all this yourself. I've learned a huge amount from the meaningful money podcast. All the back catalogue is on the website and it runs in seasons addressing themes. One that goes back to basics or starts from the beginning would be good for you, like the one that addresses the financial flowchart:

https://ukpersonal.finance/flowchart/

https://meaningfulmoney.tv/category/podcast/season-25-finance-os/

If you're investing in stocks and shares then do it for the long term and don't worry about short term fluctuations. Look for some investing advice, there's plenty out there.

Look, even if the stocks and shares market goes down, you are a person who is actually very happy with losing money. You've already told us you do it every month by buying stuff you don't need.

I get the joy in spending too. I did a few online orders recently and will be returning them all now they've arrived!

The other thing I love is selling on vinted and checking premium bonds each months. Seeing the monthly win (hopefully) or a small sell is fun. And obviously beneficial rather than a spend.

Don't be down on yourself, but do be proactive to see what will work for you to save. £500 a month for a year would be amazing. Then push to save more if you can.

Good grief - you're not a failure! You are spending the money that you are earning on things that you choose to buy - that is not failing! You aren't getting into debt and you said you have a small amount in savings, so enjoy your money for now. Once you have finished your training and you're earning a much higher salary, maybe that's the time to start saving for a deposit on a property. Once you get to the stage when you leave home, you won't be able to spend your money on frivolous things, but for now just enjoy treating yourself while you can!

I personally love putting money into Premium Bonds because every month I have a bit of hope that I could win a large amount, enough to buy a house that I feel okay in. You're not a failure at all; if older people had had the same financial circumstances as we do in our 20s/30s, they'd be in the same position as we are. They got lucky.

Edit: There's no guarantee your winnings will equal the same as a high interest savings account, but you can easily access your money within a few days and winning feels good!

Well, sort of, but the downside is that s/he's not buying the car that s/he wants to choose.

I am not the person to be giving financial, advice - there will be plenty of sensible people here who can do that - but PLEASE don't think of yourself as a failure!!

You're only 25, which I know feels old at the time but honestly you are still so young. You're well on your way to becoming a solicitor so you have a fantastic career ahead of you. Just getting to where you are is such an achievement.

Yes, you have a problem with money. So very many people do. But instead of burying your head in the sand and letting it get out of control, you're taking responsibility now and trying to do something about it.

You're absolutely winning at life, as far as I'm concerned.

I'm JUST like this @Jessie21 and I'm 41! It's my personality unfortunately, money burns a hole in my pocket.

How I combat it is to set up a standing order from my account on payday to go into a savings account with another bank so it's less easy to access.

Don't go big-bang £700 a month though. We all need our little treats to keep life liveable. It's not all about saving for the future. Our present needs to be lived as well.

@Jessie21 even if you only put away a small amount it soon grows. My advice is start small and, set aside/save any bonus or pay increase. Not only do you not miss bonus or pay rise money (because you didn’t have it the money before so if you save it nothing has changed and you still have the same money available (while savings will grow)) it means you can always leave a company without worrying you have to have a huge rise (because you are used to managing on the lower amount). Also, the anxiety about not having much in your current account will soon pass as you realise it is still easy to access - remember any new routine takes around 6-8 weeks to become a habit so give yourself time. And well done for thinking ahead - you’re not a failure at all. The last 5 years’ pay increases for me have gone to savings or pensions despite bills going up and things being a little tighter but now I have breathing room.

Also saving like this is like training for bills and mortgage 🤔 best of luck OP!