How do I get rid of the urge to always spend all of my money?

[Jessie21]

I'm well aware I am going to get a lot of flack on this post. All I can say is please be kind, I am trying to sort this out before it gets serious.

I'm 25. I'm in a low paid job (£18k a year) but about halfway through my training to become a solicitor. When I qualify I'll obviously open a lot of doors. I've got to stick it out until qualification.

I live at home. My parents don't ask for rent, they are well off. They ask for me to do my own food shopping and that's about it. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in that regard.

The issue is, I'm obviously wanting to start saving for a house and things like that. My first goal is, realistically, a car. I'd love my own little run around instead of sharing with my mum.

But the issue is, as soon as I get any money into my account, I start spending it. I'll always come up with excuses to buy things and regret it at the end of the month.

My monthly wage is £1300 give or take. I have about £250 in monthly outgoings (phone contract, gym, contact lenses, university fees). After that I could, basically, save £700+ a month. But I just don't.

It'll be an excuse - "oh I need more work clothes" or "I need a new makeup sponge" and I'm sick of it. But I just can't break this habit.

I have all the best intentions and then never get round to actually doing any of it.

I've realised this is an issue because I've just received a pretty decent bonus from work - £750 after tax. And my first thought is "oh, what can I buy?"

I need a revision guide for my exams and some flashcards, and thats it. But I'm sat here thinking about all the cult beauty orders or asos orders I could do.

I'm aware I'm a failure - 25 with very few savings and still living at home, but I really want to break that cycle before I'm earning serious amounts of money. What do I do? Any tips? Any advice?

They will not accept rent no matter how hard I try - they are more than comfortable (think multiple £10k holidays a year). They don't want to accept anything from me

@Jessie21 have you opened a LISA? With all your parents knowledge about house buying and being landlords hopefully they have opened one of these for you? Or helped you open one?

I have one, it's not got much in it at the moment 🤦🏻‍♀️

When you buy something non essential pretend it costs you double, I have adhd this is the only way I've been able to save money over the years sounds stupid doesn't it but say you want a t-shirt it's £20 in your head it needs to be £40 you put £20 in your savings and obviously buy the t-shirt for the other £20. At the end of the month you can see exactly how much you've spent on non essential stuff and you do start seeing it differently I found I'd look at the t-shirt for £20 and didn't love it enough for it to cost me £40 and I did stop buying for a buzz and start buying things I genuinely loved that I was happy to pay double for.

So put some in it now.

Then enjoy the feeling.

I think Sprinkles' advice is good, too.

@rosaleetree that's a good post. People seem to be spenders or savers so if you're a spender and you don't want to be, it's probably worth looking at the reasons for that, because it's probably not as easy as ' just don't buy crap'.

I'm not a saver as such, but I genuinely just don't want anything very often. If I want anything, I will buy it, but I just rarely get the urge. So I probably don't understand how it feels to be constantly wanting to buy stuff.

But a couple of things that don't seem to have been picked up on.

Firstly, why is your salary so low and what hours do you work? NMW based on a 37.5 hour week is £22.3k pa so unless you're in the first year of an official apprenticeship, you're being paid less than NMW, unless you don't work full time.

Secondly, if you're constantly buying things, do you have lots of stuff you don't use that you could sell on Vinted? Or could you buy things on Vinted? Don't you worry about the environmental impact of buying lots of unnecessary stuff?

If you're a trainee solicitor, you will soon earn a decent wage and will be able to afford to buy a house. So if you carry on as you are, when you qualify, you'll probably regret wasting your current years with the opportunity to save a good deposit because you preferred to buy stuff instead.

Could you try to save, say £500 pm in an account you can't touch? so you can spend the rest without guilt? Or what about suggesting to your parents that you pay them this amount as board (set up a monthly standing order for pay day) and they save it for you for a house deposit? If you get into the habit of doing this, you might forget about the money after a while.

Cross posted about your parents not accepting rent but have you talked to them about what you've posted here? This issue seems to be causing you worries, so they should be happy to help you.

You'll not likely be as fortunate as them with property, so they should recognise this, or could it be that they're planning to give you one of their properties to live in when you want to leave home?

Tbh, how much your parents have, how many houses, how many holidays, is totally irrelevant. They're not asking you to pay rent or living expenses so you could start by putting the equivalent in a savings account. Just because they won't take rent from you doesn't mean you have to spend it.

You're in such a fortunate position. At some point very soon you're going to be in a position to earn a really good salary. If you sort your spending out now, your future could be very bright.

Ex financial adviser here.

You are not a failure. You are in a more fortunate position than many people your age.

Start small. It's amazing how a little now has a big impact further down the line so put maybe £100 into a lifetime ISA where you can only use it for a house deposit!

On payday, transfer whatever you haven't spent to savings too as an incentive to spend less throughout the month.

As you watch it grow and see interest added, you can equate that to your make up fund.

Sell on vinted and use that as a pot to then spend from when you have built up a little fund.

You’ve got a LISA that’s a good start.

Open a stocks and shares isa and an instant access cash isa too.

My DC add £2 and £5 a week only and do round up from debit card.

Their goal was to save and pay for their own annual GYM membership this September which is £350.00 a year (we paid the first year).Start with something you feel you can manage.

The stocks and shares isa has really made good returns this year so DC has reached and surpassed their goal already.

I like Moneybox and Zopa because I find them easy. But, I’m no expert as I said my limitation is to help my DC set up the good habits of saving little and often. I’ve not come close to being as financially successful as your parents are.

They don't do finances, they just have cash in the bank and replenish it each month and let their accountant/IFA handle everything so they know about as much as me!

You sound very disparaging of your parents.

I'm not, at all, they're my favourite people and I love them and I'm so proud of them. But by their own admission they're useless with finances and totally unable to answer any of my questions 😩

I had to completely change my mindset after my circumstances changed dramatically. Having sorted out a weekly budget and making sure I had the best deals for all my monthly regular bills, I opened a Plum account. It's just there on my phone. There are lots of saving options but I chose "round ups" so even a tiny bit of cash was swept in weekly and then I chose a weekly savings option where they number crunch my bank account and take what they think I won't miss based on my regular expenditure.

It's worked very well so far and I've got a "fallback pot" for any unexpected expenses and for times of a lot of expenditure such as Christmas. Highly recommended. I've never been a saver and this has been a fantastic positive change for me.

You are not a failure, you are obviously bright and self aware.
You exist in a world where companies are constantly encouraging you to spend money, using highly sophisticated techniques. You are only human!
I imagine your social media feed is a big part of the problem. Can you unfollow anything that encourages spending?
You need to automatically lock a chunk of cash away each month on payday, you could earn a good amount of interest to help build your deposit.
Finally, have a think about what hobbies and interests you might like which are not just about consuming stuff. You're shopping for an endorphin hit, and you're going to need to get them elsewhere.
Oh and you can make your own revision cards! Making them helps you learn...
Good luck!

OP it’s clear you love and respect your parents and I’m sure they will do some estate planning in the future to limit inheritance tax and you will benefit from a cash boost then.

You’re doing the right thing by challenging yourself now.

You have huge earning potential in your future too.

Start small but be consistent and don’t touch the savings!

Good luck 🍀👍

I meant more about the emotional side. You say they won't accept rent from you. But if you paid them rent but this was really earmarked as a deposit so you can buy (many Mumsnetters say they do this if they feel bad about/don't need to accept rent from their adult DC) it would mean you saved a deposit likely without noticing. Or it could be that they're planning to give you a house anyway. But unless they tell you this, it's not helping with what is currently causing you financial worries.

You don't need to know anything about finances to start off. It really is as simple as spending less than you earn. They do this naturally because they earn a lot. You don't, so you have to reduce what you spend, but the message is still there. Spend less than you earn.

Put the money in a savings account at the beginning of the month. A realistic amount, maybe £400 or £500. And your bonus: keep £100 to spend, put the rest straight into savings.

Put it in a high interest account and get excited about how it grows. Congratulate yourself on your savings. Rub your hands in glee like Scrooge! Be as pleased with yourself about growing savings as you are about buying make up stuff.

@Bjorkdidit nothing is paid to them, they're not interested (worried about any tax implications I think)

Have they ever considered hiring you to help with their business?

They could pay you a wage and save loads of money in tax!

It’s not about how comfortable they are. It’s about standing on your own feet and feeling comfortable yourself. If the really won’t accept rent then put it away in a separate savings account (maybe £100pw) and either buy them something when you move out or have it as a fund to make their lives easier/happier in the future.

The business is closing down as they retire, which has given them a huge lump sum- all they've done is split this across 4 current accounts at 4 banks so even then they won't invest/save! They don't really need help with their properties at the moment

@TomeTome they don't need any money to be happy/comfortable, see my other posts.

Right, so you need to take charge of your spare money yourself. That's fair enough.

Have a look on SpareRoom or Rightmove for your area. Find the cheapest rent going for a one-bed or a flatshare. Put that in your savings account each month.

Look up car insurance for your age and a car you might want. Put that monthly amount aside as well.

Basically, practise being independent.