How do I get rid of the urge to always spend all of my money?

[Jessie21]

I'm well aware I am going to get a lot of flack on this post. All I can say is please be kind, I am trying to sort this out before it gets serious.

I'm 25. I'm in a low paid job (£18k a year) but about halfway through my training to become a solicitor. When I qualify I'll obviously open a lot of doors. I've got to stick it out until qualification.

I live at home. My parents don't ask for rent, they are well off. They ask for me to do my own food shopping and that's about it. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in that regard.

The issue is, I'm obviously wanting to start saving for a house and things like that. My first goal is, realistically, a car. I'd love my own little run around instead of sharing with my mum.

But the issue is, as soon as I get any money into my account, I start spending it. I'll always come up with excuses to buy things and regret it at the end of the month.

My monthly wage is £1300 give or take. I have about £250 in monthly outgoings (phone contract, gym, contact lenses, university fees). After that I could, basically, save £700+ a month. But I just don't.

It'll be an excuse - "oh I need more work clothes" or "I need a new makeup sponge" and I'm sick of it. But I just can't break this habit.

I have all the best intentions and then never get round to actually doing any of it.

I've realised this is an issue because I've just received a pretty decent bonus from work - £750 after tax. And my first thought is "oh, what can I buy?"

I need a revision guide for my exams and some flashcards, and thats it. But I'm sat here thinking about all the cult beauty orders or asos orders I could do.

I'm aware I'm a failure - 25 with very few savings and still living at home, but I really want to break that cycle before I'm earning serious amounts of money. What do I do? Any tips? Any advice?

Try and reorganise your thinking. Saving isn't 'lost' money and most people will spend it eventually. They just choose to delay the spending so they can spend it in a lump.

Put a goal on it. 'X savings account is to collect £5k to buy a car' (don't get a car on finance, worst thing you can do!).

Then every month, spend on your car first. Transfer £500 into your car account. By early next year you can buy your car in cash.

If your parents are well off have they ever given you a lump sum to get you started? I also gave my DC my old car. Is this something your Mum may do with her car?

We are not well off just average but we gave our DC 10k and they have managed to add to this at University. Albeit only adding £2 a week and using round up but it was more about a learning curve.

Can you talk openly with your parents about finances? Maybe they will help you with a starter fund and you can add to it and build momentum.

They've helped me with my exam fees - I don't feel able to ask anything else of them as that's already a huge amount of money (£5k!) and I'd feel cheeky asking for more

Your wage isn’t really that low, on average and you have no financial commitments. Most people have far less disposable income. You need to get used to living on a limited budget, and it’s the best possible time to save. It doesn’t matter if you end the month with zero in your account; that’s what most people do! You need to save on Payday and ideally lock some of it away; you should get a Lifetime ISA to save for a deposit. And if you want to buy something, write it down or save the link and make yourself wait a few days. Likely you’ll not want it then.

Ramit Sethi’s, I will teach you to be rich, could really help you OP. The basic premise is to allocate a sizeable amount (say, 30%) of your income to spend intentionally on items or activities that make you feel ‘rich’ and to save save save, and invest in order to build wealth.

My son is your age and running a car, renting a flatshare and part-funding a Master's out of a similar wage. I have no idea how, which won't help you much (I couldn't do it!) but he certainly doesn't panic while the current account is still in four figures, or even three.

This isn't to criticise. You know you need a shift of mindset. Why not just put some, any, money into savings today and wait for the anxious feelings to die down?

I'm aware I'm a failure. No need to rub it in.

Don't be daft. Read the post. You aren't a failure, you're being dramatic about a perfectly OK situation.

And then go to Nationwide, log in, look at their immediately available accounts with reasonable interest, open one and put some money in. You might even enjoy it.

Can you discuss finance with them at least?

My DC at only just 18 discusses financial goals all the time because we are open about the mistakes we made and hope to help them avoid the same. We are not well off but have security from Public Service jobs and pensions. However, we have made so many financial mistakes too!

If your parents are well off they’ve made good financial decisions all their lives and their advice and guidance maybe the thing to turn your financial goals into reality.

I am sure they won’t find you cheeky. Start by asking for advice.

@Faketanisapain I've tried, all I get is "as long as your income is more than your outgoings, you're fine"

They don't do investments, savings etc. the most they have is maxed out premium bonds each, which doesn't make much sense for me because I don't have enough to win on them.

Have you tried piggy banking your accounts? So set up two or three accounts and your wages and direct debits go into one and you set up a standing order to give you pocket money every week and another to save towards Christmas /birthdays/holidays. I have mine so that my main account is on my iPad at home and my pocket money account is on my phone with Apple Pay set up. That way if I'm out and about and I see an item I want I can buy it from my pocket money account BUT I can't impulse transfer money from my main or savings account.

I also managed to get £2200 into premium bonds and didn't win anything for 5-6 months so started taking bits out. I'd spent half of it when I had my first win and that took me from £1150 to £1250 in bonds and it's like a switch has been flicked. Now I've won, even though it's only £100, it's so much easier to send £25-50 over to my premium bond account t as savings.

Could you start of trying to save for something smaller, so you see the benefit quicker? A weekend away or something?

It might help you to build up a savings habit.

It is difficult though, I feel your pain. I love buying stuff it's just my thing

I put my savings away on pay day. If anything else left over that also goes in the savings too. I give myself an amount of income for the month for disposable spending after bills/food. No kids. I was a spender and in debt at your age but livd in a flat share. It’s a lot to change your mindset but seeing savings build is also fun.

You are focused on your low wage but because you have minimal out goings you probably have a lot more money to spend than many people. Start with an easy access saver at the same bank maybe. Start with round ups, the maybe double round ups, then a small amount saved on pay day like £100. When you see it build you will get the bug.

Your wage is low because you’re training. Once you qualify you’ll have options and have the opportunity to earn a decent salary. Your outgoing are so low now that actually your disposable income is quite high for your age dispute your low salary. Don’t waste this opportunity to save. You don’t have to save everything, put £500 a month in savings and you’ll still have a lot left over to spend. Bonus of £750, put £550 in savings and spend £200 on something you want. You’ll have £6k+ a year saved which will get you a car.

As a solicitor you cannot afford to get into financial trouble as it could cost you your practising certificate. So the sensible thing is to start saving yourself a safety buffer. Pop along to Money Saving Expert and work out the highest rate paying ISA. Go for a fixed term one which has interest but an interest penalty for withdrawal. That way if you absolutely need the money you can access it (you can close an ISA and get the money out even if it is fixed term), but the interest penalty will dissuade you from taking the money out to fritter away.

You also need to challenge the mindset that you have a low salary so you can't save. Yes your salary is low, but you're not paying rent or bills so in reality you have more disposable income than someone earning more than double what you are.

Depending on house prices in your area, you could have the deposit for a cheap one bed flat in two years. Most the wealthy solicitors I know bought crap flats as soon as they could and them made money climbing up the housing ladder later on.

It's a shame you're struggling with this because you're in such a great position to save at the moment. You could have your £7500 car in 10 months.

How about starting to read some budgeting and money saving blogs and the forums on MSE - they can be very motivating and perhaps they'll help you see that the money you're spending on rubbish (because that's what it is) every month is just wasted, and you'll never get it back.

Sometimes I stop myself buying something ridiculous by reminding myself how many hours I had to work to earn the money to pay for it. Is it worth it? Usually not.

It's all well and good saying you feel as if you'll never be able to afford a house/car etc., but if you carry on as you are, that's guaranteed.

Ah. Parents with enough ready income to do whatever they want probably don't have the right financial advice for your position, because they essentially don't need to budget. It's a mixed blessing (but it does mean you effectively have about £700 a month more than most people your age, because it lets you live rent-free).

So -- you could have a car in 12 months! That's sounding good to me.

https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/

Lots of people have the same or similar problem with their finances OP. I like Ramit’s approach but if it doesn’t help you there are other financial literacy resources. Overspending is a little like compulsive overeating, it can be overcome with support.

I'm not in any debt so not worried about that

Yeah their advice is next to useless because they got quite lucky in the 00's and they now have six rental properties that they have 0 mortgage on 😩 plus their private pensions and their income

OP, you're not a 'failure'. You're training to be a solicitor - that's awesome.

You have a small issue with saving - and don't we all - it's tempting to spend money and buy new things.

But give yourself a bit of slack - you're only human and you're not earning a lot but one day you probably will be. It's OK if you make a few mistakes in the short term. Once you've got your qualification you'll be earning and will be more able to save.

Just breathe and stop putting so much pressure on yourself, you are young and you have loads of time.

I wont give you advice about budgeting because plenty of people have. What I will say is this:

1. I think you need to examine what spending is giving you emotionally because this is about emotions. When you see something online you want, stop for 5 minutes, go deep inside, take some deep breaths and consider: "what am I feeling right now, in this very moment, and what feeling is spending money trying to relieve?". It might be sadness, a need for self care, frustration, loneliness, pain, grief etc etc. Once you can identify what feeling you are trying to self soothe by spending, you can start to look at other ways other than spending to address that emotion. Take a break for at least a couple of hours and try to deal with that emotion in other ways.
2. Spending money causes a dopamine rush in the brain which is a feel good chemical so thats why it's addictive. Look at other ways you can get dopamine without spending money- decluttering, getting tasks done, chatting with friends, go for some exercise, do a meditation etc
3. The fact you want to save but are continually self sabotaging and running your balance down means that you have a subconscious block about being deserving of money- hence why you keep squandering it. That sounds crazy right?- why would I throw money away when I want it? Look at the messages you received about money as a child- what were your childhood scripts about money? were you told "we never have enough", "money is the root of all evil", "making money is so hard", "there will never be enough", "you are terrible with money" etc etc Once you are aware of your core beliefs around money, thats the first step to examine why you keep doing this. Once you can figure out what your subconscious beliefs are around money, then you can work on changing them.
4. One clue that stood out to me is that you call yourself a "failure"- what do failures do?- they squander money. That tells me you dont think you really deserve money so you throw it away the second you have it. Really think about how you are labelling yourself and how you think about yourself because that will 100% be connected to your behaviour with money.

Ok. That 'fear' you have when the account goes low -- you can turn that to good effect. Transfer some money into savings, say £200, or £500, whatever. You'll get twitchy and stop spending earlier than you would if the account remained high.

I'd love my own little run around instead of sharing with my mum. you aren’t sharing a car with your mum (unless you are paying half the related costs), what you are doing is borrowing your mothers car. You aren’t living rent free and paying for your own food, you are living in your parents house and costing them money in bills. They are subbing your lifestyle. It’s important to know this and keep it in the forefront of your mind. You are no longer a child and perfectly capable of changing the way you think and spend.
Insist on paying your own way. Make yourself put a large chunk of your salary away in savings each month. If you are uncomfortable having a low balance in your account then stop spending for a couple of months till you’ve built up a buffer. You do better at things by doing the things that need to be done.