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Original poster

Husband upset, christmas gift money

178 replies

Countrybumpkin90 · 30/12/2023 08:06

Just wanted some outsider perspectives, not sure AITA. My parents have been incredibly kind and generous and have given me some money for Christmas (couple of hundred £) to spend ‘on something just for me’. My husband has taken offence as he believes this should be shared as we are married, and he thinks it should just go into paying down some debt we have. The debt is money we owe his parents that he borrowed before we were married and isn’t too much and we are already almost down to nothing else owed. We are in a good financial position and both are lucky to have good jobs.

On the one hand I do understand that as we are married everything is shared. However, on the other I don’t understand why he can’t just be happy for me. My parents say they should be able to gift their daughter something without him getting involved and I think that’s true too. Turned into a row last night and don’t know aita for wanting to just spend it on something I’d love as my parents intended.

OP posts:
itsmschanandlerbong · 30/12/2023 08:08

No way, it's your money. He borrowed the money so it's his responsibility to pay it back. You were gifted the money for you so spend it on yourself.

DustyLee123 · 30/12/2023 08:09

No, it was given to you.

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 08:09

the loan was before you married?

what was it for?

Berl29 · 30/12/2023 08:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Gliblet · 30/12/2023 08:09

Ask him if they'd bought you a £200 item of jewellery or a designer dress would he insist on being allowed to wear it?

RowanMayfair · 30/12/2023 08:09

If they had bought you a £300 handbag would he expect to use it half the time??
No, this is your gift. It's yours.

CarrieMoonbeams · 30/12/2023 08:10

If I was your parents I'd be really pissed off to think that you'd used my money like that. It was a Christmas present - what if they'd bought you a handbag or a coat or something, would he insist on having a share of those too? Cheeky git.

Buy yourself something lovely and don't let him guilt trip you. 🤗

Edited to add, sorry, I'm slow typing because I'm half trapped under a sleeping dog, everyone has said almost the same thing!

Rowen32 · 30/12/2023 08:10

I get money gifts, my husband is only happy for me and has great fun suggesting what I could do with it (spas etc)

lemmein · 30/12/2023 08:12

I bet your parents hate him.

Spend it how you want, it literally has fuck all to do with him - and you shouldn't be paying his debt off!

AnotherCountryMummy · 30/12/2023 08:12

If it was thousands then I'd share and use it for a holiday/debt/mortgage whatever. But I think he's being petty over a couple of hundred and should be pleased you can treat yourself!

Original poster
Countrybumpkin90 · 30/12/2023 08:13

Ok thanks so much you are making me feel better, didn’t know if it was just me. He’s an accountant so he sees money very black and white, which sucks the joy out of things. The loan was for some renovations he did in a property he bought on his own, we already share all our money and do everything together which I am happy with. Just feel like he’s being pretty unreasonable about this.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 30/12/2023 08:13

Your parents haven't given you money, they've given you a specific experience of being able to choose something for yourself without guilt.

I will admit that I've sometimes repurposed parental gifts of this type to things for ds, but not for dh.

Is he worried about something? About to be made redundant? Because otherwise this is just silly.

Orangello · 30/12/2023 08:15

If I was oyur parents, I would be very upset if you basically gave my gift to you to your ILs.

AuntMarch · 30/12/2023 08:19

When my dc was a baby, one of my parents gave me money for Christmas and made it very clear it was to be spent on me not the baby and not the weekly food shop. It is unfair that he expects their money to be spent on something so boring!

I assume you benefit from his earlier loan in that it increases the value of his property that you either get income from, or was sold to purchase one together when you did blend finances? If so then fair enough paying it back is a joint expense. Just not from Christmas money.

Therealjudgejudy · 30/12/2023 08:20

Is he always such a selfish prick?

Give the money back to your parents and ask them to buy you a bag/ jewelry/ clothing and wrap it and give it to you. Then tell your husband he is welcome to borrow said item whenever he wants!

Blueeyedmale · 30/12/2023 08:20

OP that money is for you.if your parents wanted him to have any they would have said it's for both of you.tell him to cope harder,he shouldn't be upset it's not his money it's a gift for you and his sense of entitlement is frankly childish.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 30/12/2023 08:21

Maybe next time ask for specific things/ experiences so it isn't an issue. Did his parents gift you both things of equal value at Christmas?

Fraaahnces · 30/12/2023 08:21

HE borrowed the money. It’s HIS debt, not yours. I’m assuming you had nothing to do with the loan.

JubileeJumps · 30/12/2023 08:22

No. It’s your money. If I gave this to one of my kids and they used it to pay their partners historical debts I would be very upset.
He’s very wrong sorry.

Jf20 · 30/12/2023 08:22

God that’s so bad. He’s so grabby and trying to get it off you. That’s nothing to do with being an accountant and everything to do with who he is, his self entitlement and his desire for you to have nothing.

what an awful man, I’m so sorry.

confusedbythesystem · 30/12/2023 08:22

No, the £ was a present for you. Just calmly explain that instead of buying you something like theatre tickets, a handbag or a special coat/jumper for Christmas, your parents have given you the equivalent money, so you can get exactly what you want/the right dates/the right size.

He needs to stop viewing this as family money and instead recognise it as a gift to you. If he doesn't then suggest he asks his family for receipts for any gifts he received from them at Christmas. He can then return his own gifts for a refund and put the £ towards paying off this (his!) loan.

LadyBird1973 · 30/12/2023 08:22

So do you own half the property he spent his money on? Dont assume that being married means you automatically do - it's a marital asset but not a guarantee you'd get half in a split.

Your h is a selfish prick - it's not his money, it's a gift from your parents. They wouldn't want it spent on his debt.

Jf20 · 30/12/2023 08:23

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 30/12/2023 08:21

Maybe next time ask for specific things/ experiences so it isn't an issue. Did his parents gift you both things of equal value at Christmas?

What??? She should do without to appease the man? He needs to get equal? What am I reading.?

Delassalle · 30/12/2023 08:24

That's just nasty of him. Tell him I said so.

Your parents wanted you to choose a gift for yourself.m and it's their wishes that should be upheld and respected not those of your husband who is a greedy little weasel.

YouJustDoYou · 30/12/2023 08:25

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 30/12/2023 08:21

Maybe next time ask for specific things/ experiences so it isn't an issue. Did his parents gift you both things of equal value at Christmas?

What?? No!! Fuck that, he's not some bratty child that needs appeasing! OP that's YOUR money, he can fuck right off!

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