Husband upset, christmas gift money

[Countrybumpkin90]

Just wanted some outsider perspectives, not sure AITA. My parents have been incredibly kind and generous and have given me some money for Christmas (couple of hundred £) to spend ‘on something just for me’. My husband has taken offence as he believes this should be shared as we are married, and he thinks it should just go into paying down some debt we have. The debt is money we owe his parents that he borrowed before we were married and isn’t too much and we are already almost down to nothing else owed. We are in a good financial position and both are lucky to have good jobs.

On the one hand I do understand that as we are married everything is shared. However, on the other I don’t understand why he can’t just be happy for me. My parents say they should be able to gift their daughter something without him getting involved and I think that’s true too. Turned into a row last night and don’t know aita for wanting to just spend it on something I’d love as my parents intended.

Your husbands sounds greedy. It's not his money if your parents give you a gift in form of money instead of a firm if an item. If they had given you expensive bag/make up/clothes, would he demand to have half of those too?

He'd better be planning to sell any Christmas presents he got and apply that money to the debt.

Did your parents give him anything?

It sounds like she has to pay 50% of everything while earning half the amount he does though

And she's matching what goes into the savings?

So you pay 50 /50 but he earns double the amount you do? Did I read that right?

I have no idea! I think I was reading a different thread maybe.

We are a team financially so if this was us, I would have used the money to pay the debt of to others and then would have made sure the family pot repaid the Christmas money and got me a present when debt free.

I know Dh would do the same.

I sincerely hope OP isn't paying 50% of everything while he makes twice what she does!

Why should OP have to do that to appease him? That's giving in to his controlling ways.

yes I assumed that she thinks HER savings are growing because of his contributions, and as he earns more...... But I dont think that she has thought it through. He is paying a pittance into savings and for bills compared to her. Now if he was contributing 2/3rd of the total for both bills and savings, then she might have an argument to say its to her benefit.

Can you clarify the 50:50?

If you have savings why haven't you paid off the loan?

We normally share/save everything 50/50 and he earns double what I do so it’s a net gain for me if you know what I mean.

Do you normally pay half of the bills too? Because if you do that is not a win.

A gift is a gift. Even the government accepts that when a parent gifts their child they can't tax it (grab it for themselves) for a certain number of years. And yet your DH thinks he can... it's nothing to do with accountancy and everything to do with him being a horrible grabby man

He's a real scrounger, isn't he? Making you pay back money that he borrowed before you were even married.

If he's an accountant and so good with money, why did he get himself into debt that he couldn't afford to repay by himself and needed to get someone else to partially repay? Someone that want even married to him at the time?

Would he be so "black and white" with £200 if it was solely his as opposed to yours?

Tell him to fuck right off.

All parental monetary gifts here get shared, but they are essentially considered a gift for whichever "child". We usually put money received for Christmas into a pot for fun, or meals out etc. Means we can still "live" but use our own money for more boring/sensible stuff.

However, if my parents gifted money and said it was specifically for me, my DH would not care a bit. If that happened and his had gifted money to us, I'd probably tell him to use that for himself. Or still put "my" money in the pot. But that's cos neither of us is selfish or jealous.

If they have reached a mutually agreed repayment schedule for the loan, they are under no pressure from the family to repay it immediately, there's no question of spiralling interest, then it's a lot more sensible to keep to that and have access to savings for emergencies.

However as i dont think that you can have a 'joint' savings account, it could all be in his name

Of course you can have a joint savings account, as you can any bank account.

The only accounts that have to be separate are ISAs and pension savings. DH and I have joint savings accounts, plus investments in individual ISAs and pensions.

I am also wondering why the debt hasn’t been paid off if they have savings.

Op - can you clarify what the 50/50 means, does he have extra leftover, or is leftover money split equally?

I missed that too @Countrybumpkin90

You know that's not fair, right?

Especially as you're paying towards the loan too

One of many reasons why i choose to not get married.

Yes. He did alright

Why? Because the OP's DH is being a knob about this particular issue?

Why do you think that?

Of course you can. My DH and I have one

Op is being ripped off in more ways than one!
Op, you should be paying a percentage of bills based on your salary. It’s entirely unfair otherwise.

Please tell me you don’t have dc with this scrounger!

No as i said many reasons why.

Deffo yours to do with as you wish then

buy yourself something nice and let him stew about it.