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Original poster

Husband upset, christmas gift money

178 replies

Countrybumpkin90 · 30/12/2023 08:06

Just wanted some outsider perspectives, not sure AITA. My parents have been incredibly kind and generous and have given me some money for Christmas (couple of hundred £) to spend ‘on something just for me’. My husband has taken offence as he believes this should be shared as we are married, and he thinks it should just go into paying down some debt we have. The debt is money we owe his parents that he borrowed before we were married and isn’t too much and we are already almost down to nothing else owed. We are in a good financial position and both are lucky to have good jobs.

On the one hand I do understand that as we are married everything is shared. However, on the other I don’t understand why he can’t just be happy for me. My parents say they should be able to gift their daughter something without him getting involved and I think that’s true too. Turned into a row last night and don’t know aita for wanting to just spend it on something I’d love as my parents intended.

OP posts:
Alwaystired23 · 30/12/2023 08:49

Omg, buy yourself something you want. Don't use it to pay off the loan. What will you say if your parents ask you what you bought! Your parents gifted it to YOU, buy something YOU want.

SunshineYay · 30/12/2023 08:50

some debt we have. The debt is money we owe his parents that he borrowed before we were married

@Countrybumpkin90 You mean 'some debt HE has... HE owes his parents.' This isn't your debt. Also, why are you splitting bills 50/50 when he earns double what you earn??

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 30/12/2023 08:50

Suggest he sells all the presents your parents gave him, to pay the dept, what would he say to that?

Alwaystired23 · 30/12/2023 08:51

Alwaystired23 · 30/12/2023 08:49

Omg, buy yourself something you want. Don't use it to pay off the loan. What will you say if your parents ask you what you bought! Your parents gifted it to YOU, buy something YOU want.

I should also add MIL gave dh 10k once, as a gift following the death of a relative. He put it towards a car. I didn't get a look in.

MistletoeRegrets · 30/12/2023 08:52

We normally share/save everything 50/50 and he earns double what I do

Sometimes my life is crap. But I’m so glad I’m not in your marriage.

BabyYoshke · 30/12/2023 08:56

Actually he’s right to prioritise paying off debt, generally speaking, just not about stealing your Christmas present to do so.

Tell him to put his Christmas present on eBay and you’ll match how much he makes and you can both use it to pay the debt. That would be worth risking 200£ to see if he does it.

AuntMarch · 30/12/2023 09:00

So they gave him gufts, which he gets to keep, but he thinks you should be left with nothing tangible for yourself?!
I thought he was wrong anyway but now I think he's a prick.

3luckystars · 30/12/2023 09:05

He is just jealous. He wanted money money money, to do what HE wants with and you get no say and no gift. He sounds like a Scrooge.

Jf20 · 30/12/2023 09:08

Countrybumpkin90 · 30/12/2023 08:40

He’s just one of those people who thinks if you owe anything everything should be pushed at it, its the accountant in him.

And yes, my parents got him presents. They spent quite a lot of money on him and made him a stocking.

Really appreciate the comments, you’ve made me excited to pick out a Christmas present again the whole thing was so tainted last night

It’s not the accountant In him, please don’t try to justify this horrible behaviour. He’s trying to take your Xmas present. Intended to buy the gift of your choice. He’s not selling his is he?

Newchapterbeckons · 30/12/2023 09:22

The more I think about this grabby behaviour the worse it is!
It’s pretty vile to be taking someone else’s Christmas present to pay for your debt - made worse by the fact he isn’t raising money by selling his gifts to repay them!

He sounds incredibly materialistic and selfish, totally self serving behaviour. Nothing to do with accountancy. This would kill any respect I had for him stone dead.

Newchapterbeckons · 30/12/2023 09:24

The quicker he pays off his debt - with your money - the faster he can get back to spending lots of cash 💰 on what HE wants.

Revolting.

How much have you contributed to his debt already??

Wishimaywishimight · 30/12/2023 09:29

Why are "we" paying back money "he" borrowed? Next time, don't tell him if you get a gift of money. If he was a generous, fair person I would like share some of the gift with him but he clearly is not.

MoreHairyThanScary · 30/12/2023 09:29

So essentially he's had presents from your parents but now wants to manage what you do with your present.... tell him to tuck right off with that!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 30/12/2023 09:32

Give it back to your parents to hold-decide what you want and they can buy and gift it to you.

or just tell him to get to fuck. He has his gifts, presumably he’s not selling all his gifts to pay off the loan HE took out quicker? And why are you paying 50/50 when he earns double what you do? Don’t have kids with him you’ll be fucked. And no; it’s not the accountant in him, it’s the financial abuser in him that makes him act this way.

Andthereyougo · 30/12/2023 09:34

I wonder if he’d be so grabby if the money was given to your child? Would he take their money to pay debts he accrued before they were born?

pictoosh · 30/12/2023 09:36

My husband has taken offence as he believes this should be shared as we are married, and he thinks it should just go into paying down some debt we have.

Absolutely not.

The selfish wanker actually grudges you a gift from your parents. Tell him righteously to fuck off.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 30/12/2023 09:38

My In-laws give me money just for me and my DH makes sure I spend it on me! My parents also give my DH money and that's for him.

strawberrysea · 30/12/2023 09:39

Spend it on yourself and come back and tell us what you got with it please. I'd love to know 😊😊

It was a gift to you, not your DH.

Mariposistaa · 30/12/2023 09:52

Gliblet · 30/12/2023 08:09

Ask him if they'd bought you a £200 item of jewellery or a designer dress would he insist on being allowed to wear it?

Very very good argument.

Mynewnameis · 30/12/2023 09:54

He is most definitely being a dick

Pablosdog · 30/12/2023 09:56

Did they give him a present?

Flatandhappy · 30/12/2023 09:57

Absolutely not. I gave my adult (married) son some cash for Christmas and I want him to spend it on himself as I know that his savings were spent recently on a family expense. I would be really pissed off if his wife wanted him to pay a debt like you describe with it. We were generous (not cash) to DIL and GD but the cash really is a present for my son.

Pablosdog · 30/12/2023 09:59

Any money given directly to you by your parents is of course yours to spend as you wish! Just wondered if he felt put out if he didn’t have a present from them and that was his reasoning for thinking it was to be shared?

Growlybear83 · 30/12/2023 10:01

I would be really cross if I gave my daughter a nice sum of money as her Christmas present to spend on something lovely for herself and she then shared it with her husband or used it for something like paying off a loan. Presumably your parents gave your husband a Christmas present too? Has he suggested sharing that with you? I think you should either go out and spend your money on yourself, as your parents wanted you to do.

Pablosdog · 30/12/2023 10:01

Sorry just saw your post to say they’d spent a fair bit on him gift wise. He’s being really ungrateful and greedy!