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Original poster

Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

503 replies

Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:24

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:
crew2022 · 07/10/2023 23:27

Give your sister half, it's what your mum wanted. You're a good person to care for your gran but it's what your mum had asked.

saraclara · 07/10/2023 23:30

Does your dad recognise that you've cared for your gran for five years while your sister has done nothing?

wildwestpioneer · 07/10/2023 23:31

It's up to your grandmother what she does with her estate, she wants you to have it so i'd abide by her wishes. Inheritance is a gift, not a given.

Your sister will get an inheritance from her father no doubt.

MessyMyrtle · 07/10/2023 23:31

If it was me, I’m pretty sure I’d share it with my sister. I value my sister too much to want to cause a rift between us. And this sort of thing would cause a rift. And your dad is right in my opinion, if your mother had lived her share would probably have been split between you both.

wildwestpioneer · 07/10/2023 23:33

To add, imagine how you'd feel if you gave money to someone, for their benefit, who then gave half of it away to someone you'd told them you didn't want to have it.

NoSquirrels · 07/10/2023 23:33

Do you value your relationship with your sister? Life is for the living, after all. Would 100% of the money compensate you for the loss of a relationship with your system (and possibly your dad)?

ZebraD · 07/10/2023 23:34

Split it! No excuses. You chose to look after your grandmother which is wonderful. We do t all have the same relationships with each other - that’s life. The fact you have a mortgage and she doesn’t is irrelevant. It’s from your mother originally anyway so just split it.

Charlingspont · 07/10/2023 23:35

If you want any kind of a relationship with your sister, you'll split it. It would be hard for her to maintain a relationship with you otherwise unfortunately.

FloweryName · 07/10/2023 23:36

I wouldn’t over think it at this stage, just wait and see how things are by the time you actually receive the money.

I don’t think you are automatically obliged to give your sister exactly half, but you might choose to give her something based on whatever circumstances you’re both in at the time. Without wanting to sound insensitive, it is irrelevant what your mother would have done because sadly she never had the opportunity to receive it. It is more important now that you are someone who is close to and loved by the woman who this money belongs to.

Codlingmoths · 07/10/2023 23:36

Does your dad recognise what you’ve done for your grandma? Does he expect your sister or you to care for him? I suspect it’s you he has in mind if it comes up! Your mum might simultaneously not be able to split it unfairly between her own daughters and also recognise that her own mum should absolutely leave it to the granddaughter who was there for her. For years.
was there an inheritance from your mum or did it all go to your dad? (& is it being used up supporting your sister) I don’t think your sister deserves your grandmas money to be honest. Ask your dad does he acknowledge l that you’ve put so much time and care into looking after your grandma, while struggling with your own bills, whcih your sister doesn’t do? Does he acknowledge your sister has basically been using her mums inheritance by having everything paid for her at home and you won’t see a penny of what’s been spent on her?

I wouldn’t just share it as you can see.

Fleabane · 07/10/2023 23:36

Why did your mum's estate not pass to her children?

AFieldGuideToTrees · 07/10/2023 23:37

I'd wait until your grandmother dies and assess the situation then. It's pointless trying to think about what to do when she's still alive and anything could happen between now and her death. Yours and your sisters circumstances could have changed dramatically. Your dad might have changed his mind. Your grandmother could have changed her will again.

Birdienumnumm · 07/10/2023 23:39

Fleabane · 07/10/2023 23:36

Why did your mum's estate not pass to her children?

Grandma’s house isn’t in mums estate because grandma is still alive.

maximist · 07/10/2023 23:40

Fleabane · 07/10/2023 23:36

Why did your mum's estate not pass to her children?

Because her mother/OP's grandmother is still alive....

Original poster
Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:40

My mom's estate was taken by her then boyfriend. She literally transferred it to him a month before she died. So my sister and I can't have it.

My grandmothers estate has been passed to her children -me

OP posts:
Original poster
Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:42

@AFieldGuideToTrees I should have said this, my grandmother is currently receiving end of life care and she talked about it with me today. She doesn't want me to share it. But like lots have said, I also don't want to lose my sister. It's hard because I feel like I'm betraying someone whichever way I go. But I suppose if I do split it between my sister and I, my grandmother won't know about it. As sad as that is 😔 I hate all this. I'd rather just have my grandmother forever.

OP posts:
Birdienumnumm · 07/10/2023 23:45

Although I wouldn’t be worrying about this as grandma is still alive, and a lot can change, this is the sort of thing that can end relationships. I think you have to weigh up whether your own relationship with your sister is worth the money. If you don’t share, you’d be well within your legal and moral rights, but I wouldn’t be shocked to hear you sister wouldn’t want anything to do with you.

Original poster
Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:45

@Codlingmoths yes he does recognise what I've done for her. I also cared my for my dad and sister when my mom died as they didn't handle it well. Then finally when they were ok, I wasn't and fell into a deep depression. My sister wasn't there for me, neither was she there for me when my friend died or when my baby died. I love my sister so much but she's not a caring person

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 07/10/2023 23:45

All this information about your mum and her wishes is a bit of a red herring. Your grandmother’s money is and has always been hers to leave as she wishes; the fact that at one time it would’ve gone to your mother had she been alive is completely irrelevant. The money is your grandmother’s and she has every right to bequest it as she sees fit. So there’s no obligation of any sort to share with your sister. Different matter if you’d like to do so.

Original poster
Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:46

@crew2022 my mom hadn't asked that. She died very suddenly. My mom would have put all of the inheritance in her own house with her new boyfriend. She told me that. So I know what she would have done with it.

OP posts:
Rugbee · 07/10/2023 23:47

Hmmm you are drip feeding trying to make your sister look worse and worse … I think you want this money!

Original poster
Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:47

@saraclara yeah he does recognise it. But don't think it accounts for much really. It's just I've got to do what's fair. He doesn't want one of his children to do better than another basically. He wants to us to do/have the same in life.

OP posts:
Millybob · 07/10/2023 23:48

You were stupid to tell your sister; your grandmother's will is none of your business until she's dead and you actually inherit. I'd cut out anybody who was blathering about my will before I'm gone.
But no, I wouldn't share with your sister; your grandmother has made her wishes clear and for very good reason. It has damn all to do with your father.
Of course, if you'd kept your mouth shut in the first place, there would have been no need to tell them you'd inherited anything.

Bubbadoo56 · 07/10/2023 23:49

The house currently belongs to your grandmother, NOT your mother. Your grandmother has the right to give her possessions to whomever she wishes. YOU are the person who has helped in her time of need and so naturally she would like you to benefit, not your sister, who has done nothing. Please honor your grandmother's wishes. After my death, I would like to be able to haunt those who undeservedly get my money, instead of the people that are actually in my will.

Original poster
Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:49

@MessyMyrtle my mom would have put it into her boyfriends estate. She spoke about it often. My mom and grandmother are/were kind of strange where they'd ask each other how they were going to spend inheritances etc 🙈 always been like that in family. My grandmother wanted to know how it was going to spent.

OP posts:
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