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Original poster

DH excluding DD in will

448 replies

Willmatters · 26/07/2023 21:23

NC for this thread

Married for 30 years with 4 DC in their twenties

Due to a family rift oldest DD has little contact with me and none with DH

Currently making our wills and I have stated that I wish my half of our joint assets to be split 50% to DH and the other 50% to be split equally between the 4 DC

DH has stated his half will be split 50% to me and the other 50% split 3 ways between the youngest DC i.e excluding oldest DD

I understand that he can do what he likes but I strongly disagree and I'm struggling to put my feelings aside

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 26/07/2023 22:39

Any individual can leave their entire estate to the cat's home if they like - children have no automatic right to inherit. Neither is it a spouse's place to dictate how someone should leave their money. It may not be popular, but this man can make his Will however he wants.

Intercrapper · 26/07/2023 22:41

DD is principled … and DH is punishing her?! Yikes, this would put me off him massively.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 22:44

Let me see if my guess is correct. Your husband cheated on you, tore the family apart, but he now demands that everyone treat him like a king because you chose to stay with him, and your daughter is having none of it. She sees the nasty fucker for who he is.

Spanky123 · 26/07/2023 22:45

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 22:44

Let me see if my guess is correct. Your husband cheated on you, tore the family apart, but he now demands that everyone treat him like a king because you chose to stay with him, and your daughter is having none of it. She sees the nasty fucker for who he is.

You sound lovely

sheworemellowyellow · 26/07/2023 22:47

Additionally, your DD will know that you knew about this, and that you stuck by this man who did this to her. If pps are right, sounds like you’ve done this before (stood by him when he did wrong).

Honestly, I don’t think any amount of money from you or her siblings is going to make up for the betrayal from both of you. You’re doing it to her twice. Both of you. I get it’s not that simple. But this is how it’s going to look to your DD.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 22:47

Spanky123 · 26/07/2023 22:45

You sound lovely

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Thank you. That's sweet.

WinterDeWinter · 26/07/2023 22:49

drpet49 · 26/07/2023 22:16

This

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When a child chooses to to go NC with a parent - something very few children do - do you not think the parent might have behaved badly?

Spanky123 · 26/07/2023 22:51

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 22:47

Thank you. That's sweet.

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Speaking from experience, hun?

medianewbie · 26/07/2023 22:52

.

Viviennemary · 26/07/2023 22:53

She has no contact with him. So it is understandablw why he wants to cut her out of his will.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 22:53

Spanky123 · 26/07/2023 22:51

Speaking from experience, hun?

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Hun? That's creepy. Nope, no experience. Very happily married for 26 years.

GoingGoingUp · 26/07/2023 22:55

A cousin of mine was cut off from her dad in his will. Whilst her sister split everything regardless, it was the act itself that hurt her rather than the money. She said it was as though it was his final FU to her but at the end of the day, despite their difficult relationship, he was still her dad.

Having seen the emotional impact on the person cut off, it shouldn’t be something done lightly.

JingsMahBucket · 26/07/2023 22:56

People are jumping to way too many conclusions and are just being nasty now.

Ohpleeeease · 26/07/2023 22:56

What satisfaction can it possibly give him? He won’t even be alive to see the devastation it causes. Whatever the rift between them, however justified he feels in being NC, this would be an unbelievably mean and petty thing to do.

Filament · 26/07/2023 22:57

Your husband sounds like he no conscience and is vindictive and cruel.

BadNomad · 26/07/2023 22:58

Adjusting your will isn't going to make up for your daughter losing both her parents when you went back to your husband. Nor will it make up for you staying with him even after knowing he is cutting her out. If anything, changing your will to leave less to your other children will cause resentment.

Personally, I'd just leave it all to the children equally.

TheCatterall · 26/07/2023 23:00

@Willmatters this could damage the relationship between your children etc.

is either of you going to let your children know. Or leave it as a nasty shock for when he finally pops his clogs.

If he goes first - and the children don’t know how it’s split - how will you feel explaining you’ve known about his decision and just kept quiet.

If the children find out now what he’s done - how will your other children feel towards their father?

it isn’t just a ‘not leaving money to her’ scenario. It’s massive ripples and impact through the rest of the family before and after his passing.

If this was my partner I’d be seeing him in a different light.

it does depend on the lack of context we have for why you left him and why your DD has now been marked the black sheep.

Did she stand by you and you’ve abandoned her for an easier life when you went back to him and she made it clear she didn’t support that decision? I really hope not.

rwalker · 26/07/2023 23:02

Intercrapper · 26/07/2023 22:41

DD is principled … and DH is punishing her?! Yikes, this would put me off him massively.

Or respecting her wishes

changeme4this · 26/07/2023 23:06

This happened a couple of years ago in my family where a sibling was left out and the father died. The long term consequences on the siblings will be with them for life, its divided them through the unfairness of it all.

How do the remaining beneficial siblings feel about this? Have either of you spoken to them about DH's decision? Can they have their own agreement drawn up so that when Dad passes, they share their portion of the estate with the outed sibling? Dad doesn't need to know either...

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/07/2023 23:07

Does DD get on with her siblings?
As well as being cruel vindictive and pathetic towards his own flesh and blood, does he care about the lasting effects on their lives
If it's what I think it is, your DD is principled and DH certainly isn't

Canisaysomething · 26/07/2023 23:07

One final FU to his estranged daughter even in death. Charming.

pikkumyy77 · 26/07/2023 23:09

The DH is assuming that at the point of his death there will have been no reconciliation. That is his prerogative of course but its also a self fulfilling prophecy and a sign of his intention never to forgive the DD and never to even try to recoup the relationship.

I would look very unfavorably in a man who was so punitive and unforgiving. And if I were the OP I would deduct the scorned child’s portion from the DH’s portion to make sure she received an inheritance.

FunnysInLaJardin · 26/07/2023 23:12

surely you leave everything to surviving spouse and then to the children?

Totaly · 26/07/2023 23:14

I suppose she loses out on money and he loses out on a relationship with his daughter and future grandchildren.

KT1995 · 26/07/2023 23:21

ThePoetsWife · 26/07/2023 21:48

So he is punishing DD for standing by you when he cheated - he is showing his colours isn't he? I don't blame DD for not forgiving him as she saw how much you suffered.

How do you know her husband cheated? OP hasn't said that