Page 9 | Inheritance question

Hewlettthedogsout12 · 2023-06-26T13:17:04+00:00

Please can I get some advice. There are 4 grandchildren...two closer to grandparent. Two not as close. Grandparent has sadly passed away and left a large amount of money to each grandchild but split in the following percentages...33%, 33% (both to closer grandchildren), 16%, 16% to other two. Each will receive a large amount of money as there is a lot involved. I am one of the 33% beneficiaries involved. Other grandchildren are unhappy and feel it should be split 25% each. What would you do? There is around £800k involved so will make a big difference whatever is decided. Thanks

GasPanic · 27/06/2023 10:57

I've been on the back end of something like this. And no I wasn't pissed off because I realise people got what they deserved. Other relatives were a lot more pissed off. There was correlation between people being more pissed off and them generally being skint.

Re people saying you shouldn't give it because it's "not what the deceased wanted", well the decease wanted you to have that share. What you choose to do with it (spend on house, drugs or give to your relatives) is not up to them.

Only you know whether you derserved the extra amount or not. And to detail it all here would be impossible.

It sounds though that if you don't even it up then your poorer rellys will probably hate you and you will no longer have a relationship with them. So it's largely a flat choice between keeping the rellys or the cash.

My guess is if the rellys are getting fired up over this then they are unlikely to be the kind of rellys you want anyway. So I'd simply take the cash.

Good luck.

user1469908585 · 27/06/2023 11:15

LaBefana · 27/06/2023 09:39

DH are drawing up mirror wills, where each leaves everything to the other. We had to specify what would finally happen to whatever was left, assuming one of us dies after the other. We decided on percentages - 25% to each of my three siblings, and the remaining 25% split 3 ways (8.33% each) to 3 of DH's family members. This is mainly because this well reflects the relative contribution each of us has made to the joint pot, and also because of DH's family estrangement issues. The solicitor has asked us to jointly provide a 'statement of wishes' to act as evidence of our wishes 'should a claim be made against the Estate and should be as robust as possible'. We were a bit puzzled as there are no dependent children etc who might wish to make a claim, but we're doing it anyway, and only mentioning the financial contribution aspect.

I am afraid that DH felt the need to lighten the mood in the solicitor's office, which, to be honest, had got felt a bit sombre. He is a bit of a joker. He tried the following, which he tells me he heard Bob Newhart tell:

Members of an extended American family are gathered in a lawyer's office for the reading of the deceased patriarch's will. The lawyer reads out a list of bequests to people and finally reads out: 'I promised my nephew Jimmy I'd remember him in my will. Hi, Jimmy!'.

I'd heard it before, but what amused me quite a lot was that the very clever seeming 30ish woman solicitor didn't 'get' it. Neither, she discovered, did the young trainee who was sitting in. It had to be explained.

But this isn’t throwing a hand grenade into children/grandchildren’s relationships. You’re under no obligation to leave your assets to anyone. Spend it all on bonbons, champagne and cruises if you like!

Totally different circumstances to playing favourites amongst your own descendants.

Delectable · 27/06/2023 12:16

Honour the will ie the expressed desire of the owner. They have their reasons and it is their money.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/06/2023 12:58

Delectable · 27/06/2023 12:16

Honour the will ie the expressed desire of the owner. They have their reasons and it is their money.

They are dead. It isn't their money.

Why do the non-existent feelings of dead people matter more than the living?

LongTimeListener1 · 27/06/2023 21:19

Dreamer8 · 27/06/2023 10:38

And the OP wants to keep it, because it's hers.

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Yes, and so it’s on the OP if their decision not to share causes more family strife. That’s all this comes down to, is the family strife worth it. The feelings of the dead grandparents don’t matter a jot, because they’re dead, and dead people don’t have feelings because they’re dead.

Dacadactyl · 27/06/2023 21:27

TheSingingBean · 26/06/2023 14:39

I would feel extremely uncomfortable keeping the larger amount in the circumstances, and would be concerned that it would sour future relationships.

Once the money has passed from your grandparent to you you are entitled to do whatever you want with it and if you choose to share it more equably that's entirely up to you.

However it's difficult to know without the full back story. On the face of it the distribution your GP chose seems pretty unfair. I tend to favour equal shares unless there were very exceptional circumstances.

100% this

Unless there's a backstop then I can't imagine what your GP were thinking tbh. Why sow division in your own family after your death?!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/06/2023 21:35

LongTimeListener1 · 27/06/2023 21:19

Yes, and so it’s on the OP if their decision not to share causes more family strife. That’s all this comes down to, is the family strife worth it. The feelings of the dead grandparents don’t matter a jot, because they’re dead, and dead people don’t have feelings because they’re dead.

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Are you joking? The entire reason our legal system includes the concept of wills is to honor the intentions of people who have died. It's a matter of integrity and part of our social contract.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/06/2023 21:54

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/06/2023 21:35

Are you joking? The entire reason our legal system includes the concept of wills is to honor the intentions of people who have died. It's a matter of integrity and part of our social contract.

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Of course, the law must be followed but, once the assets are distributed, the beneficiaries get to do what they want with them (except for unusual circumstances like a minor’s inheritance being held in trust).

As for the social contract, what about the social contract to treat your children and grandchildren fairly?

BadNomad · 27/06/2023 22:01

There is no "social contract" let alone one that says you need to leave your grandchildren anything. If there was no will, none of that money would have gone to any of the grandchildren. It would have been split between the 3 children who would also not be under any obligation to give it to anyone.

LongTimeListener1 · 28/06/2023 09:14

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/06/2023 21:35

Are you joking? The entire reason our legal system includes the concept of wills is to honor the intentions of people who have died. It's a matter of integrity and part of our social contract.

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The only social contracts are with the living, not the dead. Deeds of variation exist for a reason.

LongTimeListener1 · 28/06/2023 09:22

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/06/2023 21:35

Are you joking? The entire reason our legal system includes the concept of wills is to honor the intentions of people who have died. It's a matter of integrity and part of our social contract.

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And please, spare us the ridiculous suggestion that someone who shares an inheritance with their cousins has less integrity than someone who wants to keep all of the inheritance to spare then nonexistent feelings of their dead relatives.

cushioncovers · 28/06/2023 10:06

The wishes of the deceased in this case reflect the relationship he had with his grandchildren. The two that didn't bother with him are just realising that you reap what you sow. They've got a cheek even expecting to get equal amounts when they didn't give two shits about the GF when he was alive.

GnomeDePlume · 28/06/2023 10:21

cushioncovers · 28/06/2023 10:06

The wishes of the deceased in this case reflect the relationship he had with his grandchildren. The two that didn't bother with him are just realising that you reap what you sow. They've got a cheek even expecting to get equal amounts when they didn't give two shits about the GF when he was alive.

The relationship between GPs and GCs is a two way street.

In this case it looks like there are two differently aged pairs of GCs. The older GCs will have experienced younger GPs. The relationship is different if the GPs were more hands on with the older GCs.

We saw this. DH is 10 years younger than his DB and we had our DCs a couple of years later than DBiL. Our DCs had a hugely different GP experience than DBiL did.

Also OP hasn't said when the will was actually written. If it was some years ago the younger GCs may have been children and the disparity in legacies seen as reasonable at the time.

This is the problem with wills, they can seem eminently fair at the time of writing but then get out of date and unfair through the passage of time. Wills are seldom someone's final wishes.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/06/2023 11:34

cushioncovers · 28/06/2023 10:06

The wishes of the deceased in this case reflect the relationship he had with his grandchildren. The two that didn't bother with him are just realising that you reap what you sow. They've got a cheek even expecting to get equal amounts when they didn't give two shits about the GF when he was alive.

Agree with this.

Pemba · 28/06/2023 12:04

GnomeDePlume · 28/06/2023 10:21

The relationship between GPs and GCs is a two way street.

In this case it looks like there are two differently aged pairs of GCs. The older GCs will have experienced younger GPs. The relationship is different if the GPs were more hands on with the older GCs.

We saw this. DH is 10 years younger than his DB and we had our DCs a couple of years later than DBiL. Our DCs had a hugely different GP experience than DBiL did.

Also OP hasn't said when the will was actually written. If it was some years ago the younger GCs may have been children and the disparity in legacies seen as reasonable at the time.

This is the problem with wills, they can seem eminently fair at the time of writing but then get out of date and unfair through the passage of time. Wills are seldom someone's final wishes.

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The above is often closer to the truth though. Often the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is set by the relationship existing between the grandparents and their own son or daughter (the parent of those particular grandchildren) . That can be why grandparents may favour a particular set of grandchildren, through no fault of the grandchildren. The relationship with the parent was easier.

Then there are geographical factors of course, as well as the time differences between the birth of different grandchildren, as outlined by pps.

MagicBullet · 28/06/2023 13:59

GnomeDePlume · 28/06/2023 10:21

The relationship between GPs and GCs is a two way street.

In this case it looks like there are two differently aged pairs of GCs. The older GCs will have experienced younger GPs. The relationship is different if the GPs were more hands on with the older GCs.

We saw this. DH is 10 years younger than his DB and we had our DCs a couple of years later than DBiL. Our DCs had a hugely different GP experience than DBiL did.

Also OP hasn't said when the will was actually written. If it was some years ago the younger GCs may have been children and the disparity in legacies seen as reasonable at the time.

This is the problem with wills, they can seem eminently fair at the time of writing but then get out of date and unfair through the passage of time. Wills are seldom someone's final wishes.

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Wills are also a legal document and surely people know they should update them if they feel differently about what they leave to who at any point.

I don’t think it’s ok to then do some guess work on how the deceased actually felt because 6 months/3 years/10 years has passed since the will was written

GnomeDePlume · 28/06/2023 15:31

MagicBullet · 28/06/2023 13:59

Wills are also a legal document and surely people know they should update them if they feel differently about what they leave to who at any point.

I don’t think it’s ok to then do some guess work on how the deceased actually felt because 6 months/3 years/10 years has passed since the will was written

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While I agree that people should update their will regularly. Unfortunately it is very easy to do it once and then think, that's it done!

We were guilty of that. I had forgotten some of the details of our wills. Of our nominated executors 2 had since died and the other was in their mid 80s and executing a will would be quite beyond them.

It would be easy for a GP to think they had sorted their will so far as GCs are concerned forgetting that say another grandchild has been born or that by the time the will comes into force infant grandchildren have now grown up.

OP's GP didn't leave any letter of intention so is only guessing at the reason for the difference in legacies.

PrincessFiorimonde · 29/06/2023 00:28

If I was one of the 16%ers, I honestly don't think I'd be resentful of my 33% cousins - I'd just be pleased I'd been left over £100k.

At the same time, if I was one of the 33%ers, I don't think I'd agonise over trying to even things up with my 16% cousins, unless I was very close to them - if I was, then I might try to make things equal, as long as my sibling agreed.

But that's just if the situation was only up to me. Here comes a big caveat - thinking of my own family, if this situation arose and my parents/my cousins' parents were massively upset on behalf of their 16% children, this would probably lead to a falling out between them. I'd try to avoid that if I could.

So, OP, I think it depends (a) how close you are (and want to remain) with your cousins; and (b) whether your parents and cousins' parents would fall out over this (and how much that would matter to you).

SunshinyDay1 · 29/06/2023 06:44

It's not ideal but what grandparent wanted and to be honest any inheritance is a bonus they should be glad they got anything.

Winter2020 · 03/07/2023 23:56

I find it interesting that when uneven inheritances are discussed people always say it's not about the money but the feeling of being loved less etc.

If that is true the damage is done- they were left less and have the feelings that come with that. And yet so many responses here seem to suggest if OP gives up some of her money she can make it right. So it is about the money?! If OP gives her cousins equal cash I don't think they would care very much at all that they were actually left less in the will. The OP though will be left thinking why have I just gave away a load of cash that was mine to my cousins?

daytriptovulcan · 04/07/2023 00:24

The ones getting 16 per cent are still getting a very large amount of money. Have they explained why they want more?

SheilaFentiman · 04/07/2023 06:31

My parents did their wills a long time ago and there is no way they will change it now. If they did, I would not be surprised if DBro got a larger share as he does more for them. I would be fine with that.

Tippingadvice · 04/07/2023 15:51

Winter2020 · 03/07/2023 23:56

I find it interesting that when uneven inheritances are discussed people always say it's not about the money but the feeling of being loved less etc.

If that is true the damage is done- they were left less and have the feelings that come with that. And yet so many responses here seem to suggest if OP gives up some of her money she can make it right. So it is about the money?! If OP gives her cousins equal cash I don't think they would care very much at all that they were actually left less in the will. The OP though will be left thinking why have I just gave away a load of cash that was mine to my cousins?

Sharing out the money does not mean they won’t still be wondering why. The grandparents may have had very good reasons, but by not leaving an explanation it can impact their grandchildren long term. No amount of money can rectify the situation and with no one knowing why it can be difficult to move on.