Inheritance question

[Hewlettthedogsout12]

Please can I get some advice. There are 4 grandchildren...two closer to grandparent. Two not as close. Grandparent has sadly passed away and left a large amount of money to each grandchild but split in the following percentages...33%, 33% (both to closer grandchildren), 16%, 16% to other two. Each will receive a large amount of money as there is a lot involved. I am one of the 33% beneficiaries involved. Other grandchildren are unhappy and feel it should be split 25% each. What would you do? There is around £800k involved so will make a big difference whatever is decided. Thanks

And now they’re dead.

...and so?

But they were least loved.. and that's ok?

Out in the real world grandparents are going to feel closer and have stronger feelings for grandchildren that they saw growing up and supported them in their older years. In my opinion it's absolutely fine that their wills reflect their actual relationships with people not just because of names on a family tree.
It's only on mums-net that people have pretend that all relationships are equal no matter what.

Coming from a personal perspective @Hewlettthedogsout12 the older grandchildren in my family had a very different grandparent experience than the younger ones. They had fit, active grandparents who had the time, energy and money to give to their grandchildren. By the time the younger ones came along ill health meant a lot less time and energy for the younger grandchildren. So, no days out, no joint holidays, no childcare, same love though but not so much of a bond.

Do you think this could be the same in your family?

@Crazycrazylady But they were least loved.. and that's ok? No it’s not OK, but the reality is that some parents/grandparents favour one child over another and so an unequal inheritance is carrying on that relationship.

Conversely, if a parent/grandparent tells you they love you equally and their behaviour appears to treat their children/grandchildren equally, but then split their estate in very different % with no explanation, it can be a huge shock and you have to re-evaluate your whole relationship.

Whilst at the moment the conversations are about % or money, the cousins will be re-evaluating their whole relationships. It can be a shock that lasts a long time.

I understand why the money is important to you. I don’t know what I would do in this situation. However, it would make me view my grandparents differently as what they did was nasty. With no back story or falling out, only a foul individual would leave this type of problem which will divide their grandchildren and children forever. Someone will always be unhappy with whatever the decision is. If they had just done 25%, they would have saved a lot of heartache. My memory of this person would always be soured and would make me wonder it they did this on purpose.

Yeah, this. The idea that everyone has to perpetuate this toxic legacy, which will likely tear the family apart, just because it’s what the grandparents wanted, is bizarre.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune - I completely understand why you have changed your will. But surely a worse situation would be potential beneficiaries of your will creeping around, waiting for you to die? I think what you have is the best outcome - your relatives aren't pretending to care, so you get to leave your money to causes you do care about.

its very difficult. In my family my sis forced my niece first GC on my mum and dad so they practically brought her up. At my childrens expense. They barely wanted anything to with my two as they were tired and preoccupied with looking after my niece who was always there holding court, neither my mum or dad could hold my two as babies as my niece was always there and she screamed the place down if my mum or dad went anywhere near them. Now my niece has replaced my sis as the golden child. My two who can both drive rarely visit my mum as they are not close etc. My mum is in her early 80’s but my niece is round there three or four times a week (no doubt protecting her inheritance).

I am sure in my mums will my niece will get everything and neither my brother, sister, my younger niece eldests nieces younger sister, my two or me will get nothing.

This isn’t fair but would be unsurprising my grandad played favourites with his children and played them all off against one another.

In your case OP did your GP’s always favour you at your cousins expense hence pushing them away and always making them feel like second class citizens? If something like this I would share the money out equally (for my own sanity) regardless what the other 33% beneficiary is doing. I think if you are relying on this much money for a house move you are really overstretching yourselves.

I think you should stick to GP wishes in will. Even if the 16% cousins didn't see her as much due to being younger overriding thing should be GP intent. My DH stepmom split her assets unequally. 30% each to niece, nephew and DH brother who is older. 10% to my DH as she did not see him as much due to him staying with his mum rather than Dad growing up and being much younger. She wrote a letter explaining why the split was unequal. DH understood totally.

And so OP’s not going to hurt their dead grandparents’ feelings if they decide the best thing for the living is to spread the money more evenly.

Please follow your grandparents' wishes. I have been in a similar situation, and when my grandad passed, we were all given an equal share. However before he passed my grandad gave me and my partner the deposit for our house and did the same for my brother and his partner.
His reasoning was because we cared and did more for him so he felt we valued him more than my cousins did. This is his way of showing you how much he cared and how much he appreciated you being there. The others didn't ant now want the money - maybe he knew that would be the case? One of my cousins would only visit because their dad had mentioned grandad had money and they needed help. 😒

@Cornishclio its the fact that in this case there is no letter explaining the decision that is causing such heartache.

We had a situation where GP had only mentioned my kids in the will and newer granddaughter was completely left out.

We talked to our kids and suggested that they might want to do an even split as we thought that's what GP would,have wanted. They agreed (my lovely kids) and we sent a cheque to the missed out GD once the money landed in our account.

Much less cash involved and I guess you may have tax implications to think about. But that's how we worked it.

Nice that you are thinking about this though. Shows a warm, fair heart and respect for your rellies. Nice. 😊

If I was a 16%er, I'd be happy with my £128k and respect my grandparents wishes. I absolutely would not be fighting to go against their wishes. It was in the will like that for a reason.

It's very easy to say you'd be happy with less when it's a theoretical scenario.

Wills are incredibly emotive because they feel like the deceased person's last act of love. So, to create a hierarchy that, in this case, says that the child who has no children of their own is less worthy, and that some grandchildren are more loved than others, is a total dick move. And, as PPs have noted, it is often outside a grandchild's control as to how close they are to a grandparent, so it's not a question of fairness either.

The Will has created a toxic legacy that is unfair on everyone, including the OP. The OP is now faced with a choice between missing out financially, and seeing the family divided.

It isn’t the amount of money that would upset me its the fact it says “I love these people more than those” loud and clear for everyone to see.

There are situations where this split would be fine, if one party had borne the brunt of care needs for example.
But OP doesn’t mention any actual caring, only that the 33% pair are “closer” this could be for any number of reasons.

My MIL is much closer to her oldest set of grandchildren, (now in their mid 20’s) simply because when the were little she was fit and healthy and looked after them regularly, days out, holidays. Since DH and I and BIL and SIL have had kids she is no longer up to looking after kids, doesn’t drive and has significant health issues. So of course her relationship with the younger families is different. In fact she can’t stand the noise, and shoos them into another room whenever possible!
She was fun gran to older cousins, grumpy old lady sat in chair to younger ones. But I’d hope she loves than all equally.

As the grandparent, I would be livid from beyond the grave if my wishes were disregarded. Go with the will as stated.

I wouldn't necessarily give away part of my share in this situation, but I don't really understand your view here. After you've died the money is theirs to do as they please with. If what they decide to do is give their cousins some, that's their choice.

DH are drawing up mirror wills, where each leaves everything to the other. We had to specify what would finally happen to whatever was left, assuming one of us dies after the other. We decided on percentages - 25% to each of my three siblings, and the remaining 25% split 3 ways (8.33% each) to 3 of DH's family members. This is mainly because this well reflects the relative contribution each of us has made to the joint pot, and also because of DH's family estrangement issues. The solicitor has asked us to jointly provide a 'statement of wishes' to act as evidence of our wishes 'should a claim be made against the Estate and should be as robust as possible'. We were a bit puzzled as there are no dependent children etc who might wish to make a claim, but we're doing it anyway, and only mentioning the financial contribution aspect.

I am afraid that DH felt the need to lighten the mood in the solicitor's office, which, to be honest, had got felt a bit sombre. He is a bit of a joker. He tried the following, which he tells me he heard Bob Newhart tell:

Members of an extended American family are gathered in a lawyer's office for the reading of the deceased patriarch's will. The lawyer reads out a list of bequests to people and finally reads out: 'I promised my nephew Jimmy I'd remember him in my will. Hi, Jimmy!'.

I'd heard it before, but what amused me quite a lot was that the very clever seeming 30ish woman solicitor didn't 'get' it. Neither, she discovered, did the young trainee who was sitting in. It had to be explained.

Similar situation in our family. There is a big age gap between me and DB1 versus DSis and DB2 (same parents for all). So, inevitably, my DM was much more active and involved with DB's DC and with my DSc than the children of her younger children - by the time they were born, she was in her late 70s.

My two younger sibs got a pretty raw deal as kids, because my DF died when they were still children. It would have been very unfair if their kids then got 'punished' financially by my DM's will, as well. They didn't choose to be born later!

I wouldnt go against someone's will either way. That's what they wanted, it was their choice to do it that way. Why is it anyones right to stamp their feet over that?

I wouldnt go against someone's will either way. That's what they wanted, it was their choice to do it that way. Why is it anyones right to stamp their feet over that?

Because it's now their money? If your grandparent left your parent (their child) some money, and your parent gave you some of that money would you class that as stamping their feet over your grandparent's wishes?

If I was the cousin in OP's case I wouldn't be asking for more money. I don't think that's fair of them at all. But I don't understand the view that the money must stay with who it was given to. If you inherit money, it's yours to do as you please with.

I didn't really appreciate the position and importance of cousins in other cultures than mine until I told a South Asian heritage colleague that I didn't fancy any of my cousins and would definitely not marry any of them. Also the idea of an uncle and an aunt becoming my in-laws didn't appeal. She said 'this conversation is making me uncomfortable'. She had been amazed to find that first cousin marriage was not only legal in the UK but not universally frowned upon. She did later tell me that she had some cousins that she would like to be more distant from.

And the OP wants to keep it, because it's hers.

The OP said the house was left to the grandmothers children so no disinheriting.