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Original poster

Please help, I'm in serious trouble

269 replies

trouble20 · 27/08/2021 15:03

I'll try to make sense here but I'm really panicking and need help.

About six years ago dh was suddenly sacked and we had to claim benefits for about two months before he got another job. As I was working part time I received a considerable amount in tax credits (hadn't had them before).

Dh got a new job but the tax credit kept being paid and I didn't inform them for a few months as I really needed the money. I know this was wrong.

Today dh has had £700 taken from his wages as DEA. He thinks it's a mistake and it can't be right but I know that it's probably around 8000 in total as I had a letter about it a few years ago.

I cannot tell him. I know he'll find out when he speaks to DWp but I truly can't tell him.
He is quite controlling with money, I don't work so he transfers money every two weeks to pay for groceries but I don't have access to money or any of my own.

He earns good money but £700 a month will cripple us, is there any way to reduce this amount?
Sorry if I'm not making sense but I'm seriously scared.

OP posts:
Hekatestorch · 27/08/2021 16:38

I would guess its the child benefit too.

Op you say he earns 60k is that around 60k, a bit less? A bit more?

Original poster
trouble20 · 27/08/2021 16:39

@Hekatestorch

I would guess its the child benefit too.

Op you say he earns 60k is that around 60k, a bit less? A bit more?

I think he earns £63k but I'm not certain.
OP posts:
PollyPaintsFlowers · 27/08/2021 16:42

No I don't. I'm up to my ears in debt as I don't have money for myself so if I need clothes etc I have to get them from catalogues. I can ask him for money for stuff but he gets funny and says that there isn't enough but he earns £60k a year. I genuinely don't know where it goes as I don't see any accounts or anything.

That sounds horrendous and I think the overpayment of tax credits is the least of your problems. Are you happy living like this? It sounds very much like you're being financially abused which is just as damaging to our mental health and wellbeing as other more obvious types of abuse Thanks

Kiduknot · 27/08/2021 16:46

How much do you get a fortnight?

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 27/08/2021 16:46

@trouble20
My DP always had to do a tax return. He earns about the same as your husband. I earn about 24k. CB goes on the total household income. I could claim it but he would end up doing a tax return and paying it back. As someone whose partner earns the same as yours and I work too what you are saying is pretty worrying as my DP will pay more towards the bills than me ensuring we both have spending more. I contribute and will buy things for our DD but so will he and when my tax got messed up recently (works fault) he gave me some out of his disposable to ensure I wasn't left with nothing. Your set up sounds pretty abusive and I don't throw the term around lightly.

GreyhoundG1rl · 27/08/2021 16:48

She was forced to do that because her husband is financially abusive. You're victim blaming. Stop it.
She was not forced to commit fraud. Nobody is.

Original poster
trouble20 · 27/08/2021 16:51

@Kiduknot

What does he say if you ask him for more basic clothes money? Who pays for the kids activities/clothes etc?

Exactly how much does he give you each fortnight to feed everyone?

I get £300 a fortnight. Out of that I pay for Food Cleaning stuff etc Clothes for the children My phone Fuel, I don't use a lot though Dog groomers Contents insurance Water Tv license Netflix Toiletries for me and the children School trips Some birthday and Christmas presents I'm sure there's something else I'm forgetting.
OP posts:
AlbertBridge · 27/08/2021 16:52

Do t worry -- I had a £3k overpayment and they let me arrange a repayment plan. If you want to pay it back in under 3 years, it's v straightforward. If you'd like more than 3 years, you have to complete an income/expenditure form.

Snoken · 27/08/2021 16:53

@Clymene

I'm not trying to blame the victim. I am just trying to also see if from the other point of view. We don't know why he has such tight control over their finances but we do know that OP has got herself in serious debt before and lied about it and it is possible that he is trying really hard to pay back old debts and this is his way of ensuring their family doesn't get into further trouble.

I don't agree with him saying that OP can't work weekends, not sure why he is saying that, but we don't know that when he is saying he can't give her money for clothes it's because they actually don't have the money or if it's because he is being financially abusive.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/08/2021 16:53

It wasn’t an overpayment if you carried in claiming when you shouldn’t have. It could result in a criminal record if they pursue it and prove fraud.

Why can’t you work in the week, the children are in school all day and old enough to make their own way home after.

bamboocat · 27/08/2021 16:54

You are being financially controlled by your partner.

Incidentally, I have a feeling that the authorities do not come down too harshly on people such as you who are in an abusively financially controlling relationship.

Kiduknot · 27/08/2021 16:57

So £600 a month plus the child benefit of how much?

That isn’t a lot for that long list. Have you ever sat down with him and worked out the cost of each of those items and pointed out how little you have left to feed and clothe everyone? There also needs to be an allowance for a bit of fun money?

On the surface it seems a lot. Does he genuinely realise how much everything on that list adds up to?

Blueskythinking123 · 27/08/2021 16:58

@trouble20 given the list of what you are expected to pay out of £300 per fortnight I would agree it is not enough.

You need to write down the actual cost of what you are paying for and sit with your DH and discuss what can be cut i.e. Netflix and what costs he can take on i.e TV license and water.

You really do need to get a job. Have you looked at Next, they often have week only contracts.

Blueskythinking123 · 27/08/2021 17:00

Also hospitality are actively recruiting.

Longdistance · 27/08/2021 17:00

Oh, I’m so sad for you. Your h is financially abusing you. You sounded desperate to claim tax credits.
Leave him to find out for himself. It could be a tax code change.
Keep looking for work, he’ll have to put up with you working weekends. He’s being wholly unreasonable on that too. You need a plan to leave.

Original poster
trouble20 · 27/08/2021 17:02

He's on the phone to them now. It's almost certainly the tax credits.

OP posts:
Original poster
trouble20 · 27/08/2021 17:02

I feel so sick.

OP posts:
rosy71 · 27/08/2021 17:03

I do get child benefit, I assumed it was taken out of his taxes?

It's probably this. He will be repaying child benefit.

Snoken · 27/08/2021 17:06

@Kiduknot

So £600 a month plus the child benefit of how much?

That isn’t a lot for that long list. Have you ever sat down with him and worked out the cost of each of those items and pointed out how little you have left to feed and clothe everyone? There also needs to be an allowance for a bit of fun money?

On the surface it seems a lot. Does he genuinely realise how much everything on that list adds up to?

This would really be the best idea going forward. You need to be completely transparent. Both of you. You have this family together.
AnnieBanannie1 · 27/08/2021 17:06

Op all you can do it find out what's going on, as he is now and work it out from there.
You need more money than your getting for what your paying for.
Get yourself a job, not only for your own money but for yourselfThanks

Booboosweet · 27/08/2021 17:07

Get a Monday to Friday job. They're definitely out there.

MrsLCSofLichfield · 27/08/2021 17:08

It will be tax credits. It's their standard practice to go for a DEA if someone has been ignoring them.

ElsieMc · 27/08/2021 17:09

If you have been claiming child benefit op and he earns £60,000 then you will have to pay it back. We were never sure if DH would go over £50,000 with o/t so I always kept it in the bank which helped last year when I had to repay £1700!

If its anything to do with this, they expect you to fill in a self assessment tax return, but you don't have to pay it until the January deadline. You can pay it through your taxes but must fill in the form asking to do so. I think it has to be less than £60,000 but could be wrong.

My colleague didn't declare to HMRC and she got a bill for £6000 to include £100 fines for each year she missed ie nearly five years child benefit. She ignored the letter I responded to.

Never ignore any letters like this op in future no matter how afraid you are. The worry is always there in the back of your mind and you cannot live in fear like this. If you contacted them, you could have come to some arrangement with them I am sure. As others have said, it is no way to live.

Pinkyxx · 27/08/2021 17:11

It will be the child benefit. He earns over the threshold so as a couple you're not entitled to it. He needed to do a self assessment tax return each year to effectively pay back the child benefit OR ask for it to stop being paid. I assume they've clocked onto this and are now recovering it.

Whether it's the child benefit or not it's best to simply call the DWP and explain you want to resolve this and agree a payment plan. They are very accommodating when people want to make good such things.

Finally, if your ex earns 63K a year, after tax & pension this is ~ £3300-3600. £600 a month for what is the majority of the family's living expenses bar rent is not reasonable. Please call women's Aid.