Please help, I'm in serious trouble

[trouble20]

I'll try to make sense here but I'm really panicking and need help.

About six years ago dh was suddenly sacked and we had to claim benefits for about two months before he got another job. As I was working part time I received a considerable amount in tax credits (hadn't had them before).

Dh got a new job but the tax credit kept being paid and I didn't inform them for a few months as I really needed the money. I know this was wrong.

Today dh has had £700 taken from his wages as DEA. He thinks it's a mistake and it can't be right but I know that it's probably around 8000 in total as I had a letter about it a few years ago.

I cannot tell him. I know he'll find out when he speaks to DWp but I truly can't tell him.
He is quite controlling with money, I don't work so he transfers money every two weeks to pay for groceries but I don't have access to money or any of my own.

He earns good money but £700 a month will cripple us, is there any way to reduce this amount?
Sorry if I'm not making sense but I'm seriously scared.

7200/63000 = paltry? It’s 11% of his total income. No joint account. No access to any money but that which he gives her. Not allowed to work weekends.

Do you think this all just by accident?

@TatianaBis

7200/63000 = paltry? It’s 11% of his total income. No joint account. No access to any money but that which he gives her. Not allowed to work weekends.

Do you think this all just by accident?

So his take home pay after tax is £63k a year? If not its probably more like 7,200/45,000.

No I said total income - ie gross.

You aren't entitled to CB over 50k so it will be that

I wish people would check before stating things like this as fact, especially on a parenting site.

You are entitled to claim if someone in the household earns over 50k. This is the level at which the amount you are entitled to reduces, it is at 60k that the amount is zero.

Even then it isn’t as straightforward as if the salary = 60k you get nothing. If a salary sacrifice scheme is used, say to pay for a pension, the entitlement is calculated after that sacrifice is made. So it is possible for a person on a salary of 60k to still be entitled to some child benefit. As has been said though, a tax return needs to be done to let HMRC know what needs to be claimed back. If you only have CB to declare that’s a really simple thing to do online.

Even if the level of CB will be zero if you are a non taxpaying parent of children under 12, it is important to keep claiming CB in your own name as this means your NI contributions will be paid and you’ll avoid a shortfall in your state pension. The higher rate taxpayer must pay the tax charge, repaying the amount paid out in benefits.

None of this is relevant to the OP as her children are older, but it is important for any other parent reading the post to know exactly what the rules are.

(If it were 45k net, 7200 would be 16%).

Putting aside this issue with money that HMRC is reclaiming, are you aware OP that now your youngest child is 12, that your child benefit is no longer giving you NI credits towards your state pension and you need to work sufficient hours, to earn these?

Otherwise, your state pension will be reduced.

Christ listens to yourselves some of you. A poor woman has no access to family money. She is being given a paltry amount out of which not only is she expected to feed, clothe and entertain her children, presents etc but also pay all sorts bills.

This man may has a lot of savings, otherwise he is spending swathes of money on clothes, gadgets, perhaps prostitutes etc or has a serious addiction such as drugs or gambling.

Either way, op should leave him pronto. He is vile.

This man may has a lot of savings, otherwise he is spending swathes of money on clothes, gadgets, perhaps prostitutes etc or has a serious addiction such as drugs or gambling.

I don't think jumping to these sorts of conclusions is helping op either.

Its also possible that due to living costs or other debt, that there isn't much money left over.

I do think op need to get out of the marriage. Because while I do get what people are saying about that he could be controlling money because of ops history. If you partners history is making you feel you have to control everything, then it's not good for anyone. And I am not saying that's the case.

But taking into account what others have sad, about him controlling money due to op. It doesn't really matter why he is the way he is. It's not good for the OP and potentially not good for him either.

This happened to me but it was the tax credits dept that overpaid us. My husband and I since split but both called and set up payment plans dependent on our financial circumstances. I pay £10 a month abs he paid £100 a month. They are sympathetic to your financial situation, go through all of your priority outgoings etc and set up a repayment plan that you can afford. My ex has paid his half, mine is still ongoing but £10 a month I can live with. Talk to them, don't avoid it, they will sort something that suits all parties. I hope you can get this sorted. I think mine was about £4K.

This man may has a lot of savings, otherwise he is spending swathes of money on clothes, gadgets, perhaps prostitutes etc or has a serious addiction such as drugs or gambling

Fucks sake My DH earns a similar amount to OP's husband and we live in a cheap part of the country. We're not struggling by any means and have a nice standard of living, but after bills, holidays, other loans and everyday outgoings, there isn't much left over at the end of the month.

To suggest he's spending it on prostitutes, drugs or gambling because he 'only' gives OP £600 a month is absolute stupidity.

@Mummyoflittledragon

Christ listens to yourselves some of you. A poor woman has no access to family money. She is being given a paltry amount out of which not only is she expected to feed, clothe and entertain her children, presents etc but also pay all sorts bills.

This man may has a lot of savings, otherwise he is spending swathes of money on clothes, gadgets, perhaps prostitutes etc or has a serious addiction such as drugs or gambling.

Either way, op should leave him pronto. He is vile.

To speak in such definitive dramatic terms is reckless advice.

You are speculating. Crap advice

@Mummyoflittledragon

Christ listens to yourselves some of you. A poor woman has no access to family money. She is being given a paltry amount out of which not only is she expected to feed, clothe and entertain her children, presents etc but also pay all sorts bills.

This man may has a lot of savings, otherwise he is spending swathes of money on clothes, gadgets, perhaps prostitutes etc or has a serious addiction such as drugs or gambling.

Either way, op should leave him pronto. He is vile.

That’s such a weird interpretation. Do the maths before you post

You need to get a job & earn your own money ASAP!

You need to live within your means, as a family
You need to look at all your incoming & out goings & cut some luxuries if necessary

You need to check your National Insurance record
You need 35 qualifying years to receive a full state pension
I believe, if you receive child benefit, the National Insurance "stamp" is paid until the child is 12 ( I think)
You can do this via www.gov.uk with your National Insurance number

Secondly, if you are NOT working, how are you going to fund your retirement & your non working years ?

Take some responsibility

Why don't you have access to a joint online account, so that you can both view 24x7x365

All incoming

All bills & other costs

All savings

All pensions

Assuming you aren’t scared of your DH, now might be a good time to get the financial situation out in the open.

Explain to him that you are fed up of the current situation and being skint and you want financial transparency and a proper joint account where all the bills come out of.

Ask for his help to do your cv and look at applying for jobs and interview prep. I know a lot of posters are saying that him not wanting you to work weekends is abusive but my DH wouldn’t want me to work weekends, because he would rather spend two days a week with me than no days. Just as I wouldn’t want him working weekends either.

However if you DH won’t make changes then I think it is time to call it a day, as others have said you need to be getting your NI contributions in to get your full state pension so you need to be working.

@Dashel that is good, sensible advice. I'd also suggest the OP comes clean about the debt she's been hiding, including the catalogues and the tax credits. She also needs to know how much he's earning and whether they need to speak to HMRC about child benefit. It's sound like OP has form for burying her head in the sand when it comes to money.

@Mummyoflittledragon

Christ listens to yourselves some of you. A poor woman has no access to family money. She is being given a paltry amount out of which not only is she expected to feed, clothe and entertain her children, presents etc but also pay all sorts bills.

This man may has a lot of savings, otherwise he is spending swathes of money on clothes, gadgets, perhaps prostitutes etc or has a serious addiction such as drugs or gambling.

Either way, op should leave him pronto. He is vile.

You know what I said about people just making shit up…

@Tistheseason17

To posters saying that many of us are extrapolating info that is not there and making things up - please read OP's post at 15.32 today where she confirms that deep down she knows her husband is financially abusive. In previous post she also advised he gets angry when she asks for money. Posters are genuinely concerned for OP.

Maybe but they don’t know the facts What costs does he have? What does the op spend her 600 a month on? How much is her fun money? How much is his? Is it fair?

She may feel abused as she wants more than 600

He may feel taken advantage of as he pays out loads, has nothing left for himself and the op, with a history of debt and lying, wants more to send on catalogues

we
Do
Not
Know

How could she have any fun money left after £600? Less than £150 a week for a family of 4 for their food, clothes, petrol, water, everything...? If there are debts being paid he may bot have any either but she definitely doesn't have any

we
Do
Not
Know

Exactly.

The one thing that is blindingly obvious though is that this couple have major issues regarding finances, there is no transparency or honesty, no communication, all in all a recipe for disaster.

They need to sit down together and be totally honest and open and work out the best way forward, however, I don't see that happening and the situation will just get worse and worse.

@helentomelon

How could she have any fun money left after £600? Less than £150 a week for a family of 4 for their food, clothes, petrol, water, everything...? If there are debts being paid he may bot have any either but she definitely doesn't have any

Assuming this isn’t an abusive situation and there isn’t enough information to know for sure. Why should her DH be providing an adult, perfectly capable of working, with fun money, or clothing for that matter ?

When I claimed tax credits over 10 years ago every letter clearly stated if there are any changes you must notify us immediately. I'd be surprised if that sentence ever got taken off any letter they issue

You need to be truthful. Then you need to get a job to help yo pay this money back. Its the only way.

But the point is they didn't take the money without you knowing. They took ages to tell you you still owe money, but you didn't suddenly find a big chunk missing out of your wages

@knitnerd90

£63K pa, he's only giving you £300 a fortnight, but he can't pay back £700 a month. Quite aside from the overall financial abuse (no access to accounts or information is a red flag), I think there's some big questions about where his money is going.

I think the OP does know where his wages is going as she clearly stated in her post this 700 deduction will leave them destitute. I think DH is paying more debts off than we are being told about. I also don't believe he's being financially controlling, she clearly has a problem with not paying bills and spending that money on other things. If my partner did this I would also take control of the money