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Original poster

Please help, I'm in serious trouble

269 replies

trouble20 · 27/08/2021 15:03

I'll try to make sense here but I'm really panicking and need help.

About six years ago dh was suddenly sacked and we had to claim benefits for about two months before he got another job. As I was working part time I received a considerable amount in tax credits (hadn't had them before).

Dh got a new job but the tax credit kept being paid and I didn't inform them for a few months as I really needed the money. I know this was wrong.

Today dh has had £700 taken from his wages as DEA. He thinks it's a mistake and it can't be right but I know that it's probably around 8000 in total as I had a letter about it a few years ago.

I cannot tell him. I know he'll find out when he speaks to DWp but I truly can't tell him.
He is quite controlling with money, I don't work so he transfers money every two weeks to pay for groceries but I don't have access to money or any of my own.

He earns good money but £700 a month will cripple us, is there any way to reduce this amount?
Sorry if I'm not making sense but I'm seriously scared.

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 27/08/2021 15:50

@peachgreen

I'd be destitute without him

You wouldn't, OP. I totally understand why it feels that way, especially as he's clearly destroyed your confidence. But firstly, you would be able to work. Secondly, he would have to pay child maintenance. And thirdly, given you gave up work to look after your children, he would more than likely be ordered to pay spousal maintenance. You would get more money from him if you divorced him than you currently do.

This is good advice, OP.
Snoken · 27/08/2021 15:55

I can sort of see this from your DH’s pov too. You have lied to him about debt before (to the point of bailiffs coming round), you have also now committed benefit fraud and once again you are shopping on credit (catalog) and racking up additional debt. You need to have a frank conversation about exactly how much in dept you are and how much you need to survive, don’t just bury your head in the sand.

If my husband was like this I would try to control our finances too in order to keep a roof over our heads. You are just making things harder by not being honest.

Dragon50 · 27/08/2021 15:56

@knittingaddict

I don't 100% understand how tax credits work, but why have they taken money from his account if the money was going to yours?
They are not taking it from his account, it’s being deducted at source from his salary.

Presumably it was a joint claim hence why it’s being taken from DH.

OP he sounds awfully controlling. You need to get out.

HalzTangz · 27/08/2021 16:00

@trouble20

But we didn't receive any letters about the overpayment. Is it too late to reduce the amount?
You knew you were claiming when you shouldn't have, so knew you were being over paid. You need to call them up and tell your husband. If he controls all the money then you are still going to have to ask him for the repayment amount so it can be repaid.
Original poster
trouble20 · 27/08/2021 16:01

@Snoken

I can sort of see this from your DH’s pov too. You have lied to him about debt before (to the point of bailiffs coming round), you have also now committed benefit fraud and once again you are shopping on credit (catalog) and racking up additional debt. You need to have a frank conversation about exactly how much in dept you are and how much you need to survive, don’t just bury your head in the sand.

If my husband was like this I would try to control our finances too in order to keep a roof over our heads. You are just making things harder by not being honest.

I see your point of view but with regards to the shopping on credit, it's literally the only way I can clothe myself. It's not designer stuff, just the basics from cheap places.
OP posts:
Blueskythinking123 · 27/08/2021 16:01

My ex ran up debts and j probably sounded like OP's DH at the end of our relationship. Trying to keep a roof over mine and the DC's head was my priority.

Your DH's credit rating will now be effected. This may impact on you both going forward. If you were aware of the debt it is very unfair to leave it to escalate to this.

If he is financially abusive. You need to think about your future with him.

dane8 · 27/08/2021 16:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Footprintsonmyfloor · 27/08/2021 16:04

Well if he doesn't want you to work at weekends then he needs to give you more money!!!

I agree. Something needs to give here.

Figgygal · 27/08/2021 16:04

So you committed benefit fraud, ignored it catching up with you and now leaving your family short.
I have some sympathy if genuinely the imminent recovery was not communicated to you or DH but it’s Maybe time to get a job op if you can and try to contribute to resolving this

BillMasen · 27/08/2021 16:05

@Snoken

I can sort of see this from your DH’s pov too. You have lied to him about debt before (to the point of bailiffs coming round), you have also now committed benefit fraud and once again you are shopping on credit (catalog) and racking up additional debt. You need to have a frank conversation about exactly how much in dept you are and how much you need to survive, don’t just bury your head in the sand.

If my husband was like this I would try to control our finances too in order to keep a roof over our heads. You are just making things harder by not being honest.

Got to agree with this.

Advice to women on here whose husband can’t manage the money, gets into debt and lies, is to the control and pay him an allowance. That’s what he’s done

Except since then you’ve stolen money.

If I were him I’d be leaving, but perhaps if you come totally clean and transparent you can work through it

Original poster
trouble20 · 27/08/2021 16:06

@dane8

Your gonna gave to wait till he gets home and shows you the letter, yer he’s gonna shout But until you’ve seen it, you can’t 100% be sure it’s tax credits can you ?

If it is that, then you both have to sort it, if he gave you enough money you wouldn’t of had to lie and keep what wasn’t yours.
You knew one day they’d come knocking for it, since when do DWP let you off with money!!!

He is at home. The letter his work showed him doesn't specify where the debt has come from, we won't know that until he speaks to them.
OP posts:
DevilFinger · 27/08/2021 16:09

Who has deducted the money? DWP don't deal with tax credits, HMRC do.

2Hot2Handle · 27/08/2021 16:10

Until your DH finds out what the deduction is, you won’t know for certain. You can either tackle the conversation with him now and tell him you think it might be due to an overpayment, or you can wait for him to find out. Either way, the best thing to do would be to agree a payment plan with HMRC and move on.
At 12 and 14, your children don’t need you to be home outside of school times, so double your efforts to get a job. Apply for retail and non-retail. The more you go for, the more chance you have of success. Then you will start earning your own money and will have more financial freedom. Your DH cannot tell you that you can’t work and if he does, prep your response in advance and say that you want to have your own income and that you’d be happier that way. You don’t have to go into more detail than that, just go ahead with your plans. It’s a scary prospect standing on your own two feet after being dependent for so long, but you’ll own feel like that at the beginning. Once you’ve had some time in a new role, you’ll end up with a lot more confidence.

Danikm151 · 27/08/2021 16:14

The tax credits will have been a joint income so they are fully able to do an attachment of earnings.
If it turns out not to be the tax credits you need to get on the phone and contact them now before it gets worse.

Also, take a job at the weekends if you want to. You need financial independence.

Kiduknot · 27/08/2021 16:18

What does he say if you ask him for more basic clothes money? Who pays for the kids activities/clothes etc?

Exactly how much does he give you each fortnight to feed everyone?

Blueskythinking123 · 27/08/2021 16:21

@trouble20 have you been claiming child benefits? It could be that if you have.

Graphista · 27/08/2021 16:22

Well you were wrong not to inform them and keep claiming fraudulently but then HE could have contacted them too it sounds like either a joint claim or a claim in his name?

Regarding the financial abuse you need to leave but I think you know this?

This isn't right and you need to get out ASAP

You're not being honest because you are afraid of him.

PLEASE reach out to domestic abuse agencies and get out of all this

If he's quite controlling, is there a chance that he knows and is pushing you to admit it?

That's what I was thinking

and dh doesn't want me to work at weekends which makes finding a job difficult.

This is no way to leave. Please contact women's aid or similar as a matter of urgency

I'd be destitute without him

YOU are destitute WITH him

Have you checked what benefits you'd be eligible for as a single parent? I'd bet good money you'd be better off than you are now AND you'd then be able to job hunt properly too

He IS a bad husband, a good husband doesn't treat his wife and kids this way EVER

I'm not sure the dh is being completely honest with her anyway and if it's coming out of his wage it's his claim surely? In which case no fraud against ops name?

I really think it is the tax credits, there isn't anything else it could be.

So you've seen no evidence of what he's saying?

He was self employed at one point could it be related to that? Possibly tax that wasn't paid?

It could and he sounds the type to blame you and not accept responsibility!

Graphista · 27/08/2021 16:23

This is no way to LIVE that should say

Aposterhasnoname · 27/08/2021 16:23

I don’t know the first thing about tax credits etc, and call me bonkers if you like, but my first thought was is it child maintenance he’s trying to hide from you?

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 27/08/2021 16:24

When I was claiming child benefit my DP had to do a tax return as he was earning over the threshold. This money was claimed by me in my account but because he was living here with us it got taken into account. I've stopped claiming now as the tax return was becoming a pain so maybe that's the same in this case.

Original poster
trouble20 · 27/08/2021 16:30

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno

When I was claiming child benefit my DP had to do a tax return as he was earning over the threshold. This money was claimed by me in my account but because he was living here with us it got taken into account. I've stopped claiming now as the tax return was becoming a pain so maybe that's the same in this case.
I do get child benefit, I assumed it was taken out of his taxes?
OP posts:
LopsidedWombat · 27/08/2021 16:30

There is a lot going on here and I was wondering the same as snoken. I cannot tell if you ended up in debt because your husband is controlling the finances or if he is controlling the finances because you got into debt.

Why does your husband not want you to work at weekends? Tell him you either need more money from his wages for essentials or you need to work. Buying through catalogues will just be adding to the debt and stress.

I think you need to come clean about the benefits situation. Once it is tackled head on you will discover that the repayments can be manageable, from my understanding they are lenient and don't mind too much so long as you are paying back something. If it helps the tension at home, say you will pay it out of your wages when you get a job. My mum had something similar (sorry if it is different for fraud, hers wasn't fraud) when she was made redundant years ago and she paid £5 per month as that is what she could afford.

Going forward it sounds like you need to get some support for whatever the underlying issue is, be that a controlling husband or a problem managing money.

Clymene · 27/08/2021 16:30

@Snoken

I can sort of see this from your DH’s pov too. You have lied to him about debt before (to the point of bailiffs coming round), you have also now committed benefit fraud and once again you are shopping on credit (catalog) and racking up additional debt. You need to have a frank conversation about exactly how much in dept you are and how much you need to survive, don’t just bury your head in the sand.

If my husband was like this I would try to control our finances too in order to keep a roof over our heads. You are just making things harder by not being honest.

She was forced to do that because her husband is financially abusive. You're victim blaming. Stop it.
Cassandraprobs · 27/08/2021 16:31

@DevilFinger

Who has deducted the money? DWP don't deal with tax credits, HMRC do.
Because of the end of tax credits/switch to UC HMRC have now handed over historic debts to DWP so they are now dealing with the debts, that part makes sense.
Blueskythinking123 · 27/08/2021 16:37

@trouble20 I think it'll be the child benefit. Your DH should of been completing a tax return.

Once this is sorted you do need to sit and discuss finances with your DH and try and sort a way to pay your debts. This is no way to live and you are going to be in constant fear of past finances coming to light.