Please help, I'm in serious trouble

[trouble20]

I'll try to make sense here but I'm really panicking and need help.

About six years ago dh was suddenly sacked and we had to claim benefits for about two months before he got another job. As I was working part time I received a considerable amount in tax credits (hadn't had them before).

Dh got a new job but the tax credit kept being paid and I didn't inform them for a few months as I really needed the money. I know this was wrong.

Today dh has had £700 taken from his wages as DEA. He thinks it's a mistake and it can't be right but I know that it's probably around 8000 in total as I had a letter about it a few years ago.

I cannot tell him. I know he'll find out when he speaks to DWp but I truly can't tell him.
He is quite controlling with money, I don't work so he transfers money every two weeks to pay for groceries but I don't have access to money or any of my own.

He earns good money but £700 a month will cripple us, is there any way to reduce this amount?
Sorry if I'm not making sense but I'm seriously scared.

I don't think it's fraud as such in that OP isn't aware of his salary nor the fact that you only get child benefit under £50k.

It's not clear however how long you were getting extra cash for & how it stopped.

I would also say you now need to be working and putting into your own pension. You only get full state pension for example if you have paid in full stamp for a certain number of years.

To be clear, I received the tax credits for about six months and dh was unemployed for about two of those months.

I haven't kept claiming them, I didn't renew them.

@trouble20 then you didn’t commit fraud, it’s just an overpayment.

You need to get financial independence. Living like this is abuse. On his salary he's taking home around £3700 a month and you are surviving on £600? Where is the rest going?

If he earns over 60 grand paying this back (especially in installments) shouldn't be a problem @trouble20 . Lots of people on a very low income get in this situation. The payments can be agreed at a level that can be managed.

The problem is you are afraid of his anger and also you (and your LO's?) are being denied much quality of life due to the financial restrictions you're under.

You need to face your demons for them to go away OP. You can then sort it out together.

Your DH is right to be controlling the money if you keep creating debts he doesn’t know about that ultimately he is required to pay for.

It will be ok, you just need to face it and make a plan.

So is the £4000 the overpayment or the amount paid over the 6 months?

I reckon it's more likely to be the child benefit. It's £140/4 weeks.

Hopefully they will accept a payment plan.

Leaving the repayment issue to one side @trouble20 you seem to be in a very vulnerable position.
Women's Aid can give you advice, you don't need to be fleeing to a refuge to call them.
A conversation with them now might be the first step to finding a future for yourself that is better than the way things are at the moment.
If nothing else please check on your NI situation, if you haven't been paying it voluntarily and you weren't entitled to child benefit you won't have made the contributions necessary to receive a pension when the time comes.

@trouble20 do you know how much your rent is and what other bills your DH pays? Is he clearing/paying back other debts?

Unless you are fully aware of the financial picture it is difficult to comment or give advice.

When I was with my ex, given our joint income any outsiders would assume we should be financially secure/stable. My ex was running up £1000,s in gambling debt, which nearly lost is everything. He is now on a DMP, if you knew his salary and not aware of his debts you'd expect him to have disposable income.

What I'm trying to say is without a full financial disclosure, no one can really advise.

I know a girl that did this too. Claimed to be single though. She had to have a interview and was cautioned for it as its fraud. Because she was a low earner she eventually had to pay back £10 a week I think it was.
I'm not sure if it would be the same for you because your partner is a high earner.

It's not good is it. It is wrong but the money side with your partner. I work part time and anything I need my partner will always provide. I don't mean expensive jewellery but if I need essentials like clothes we budget it.

But from your partners perspective I think you getting into trouble with council tax and not telling him is really wrong. As well as this situation. If he did the same to you it would be end of the relationship.

How do you pay the credit card bills? You must have access to some money to a degree to be able to use catalogues

He earns 63k and you get 600 a month? Where does the rest go?

If it was just a delay of 2 months in telling the that your H had started work, that won't be considered fraud. Even if you had told them the point he started work, they would still have continued to pay you until the end of the yearly renewal.

This happened to me. I told them as soon as I started working but they still continue to pay you. They then recover it retrospectively. It's a nightmare. We had thousands to repay too and paid it back over 2 years on a payment plan. That was the overpayment for 2016.

I got a letter this week telling me that I still owed money from 2017 and it was being referred to the DwP. First I'd ever heard of it and there is no joined up thinking at all.

Anyway, it could be an tax credit overpayment (and if it is, you wont be investigated for fraud) or it could be them reclaiming CB from him as he should have done a tax return, and tbf, that's on him.

Regardless, you are in a financially abusive relationship. Please heed the good advice on here and speak with WA about getting out. You will be much better of without him.

63k and if the debt is 4700 it can be paid off pretty quick. If you are truly petrified for your safety then don't own up. I know people will judge but just say you weren't aware. I can't feel sorry for a man who treats his wife like shit. You need to make him fully responsible for all bills.

My DP as usual left me to sort all the bills when we bought our house and I am terrible with finances, have adhd and just forget everything, so I started panicking and not sleeping over small amounts (£100) that we needed to pay. He had to step up and take over. I don't know why your DH hasn't already - you shouldn't be responsible for the council tax if you're not even allowed to work .

No point in giving OP flack, she knows exactly what she's done.

OP your husband probably knows now or will within the next 10 minutes. Nothing more you can do about that. What you can do is start sorting your life out - you're on a repeat cycle of similar debt situations, caused. Your weekly 'housekeeping' is not enough but also you're in a controlled relationship.

The letter will have the amount that will be deducted and how many months it will be deducted for. Does it tally up to the debt you owe?

You need to be honest to your husband, if it is tax credits he will find out during that phone call. It's better he makes the call knowing everything so he can tackle it properly, than it being sprung onto him out of the blue

Surely you have to leave him?

You're in an impossible situation because of your husband and you're also frightened of him.

Unfortunately, this is the real problem OP.

To be fair something doesn't add up, I've never heard anyone get £4700 TC for a couple months payments. Exactly how long did you claim for (that amount seems to be 6-8 months)

@SeaShoreGalore why would you say that without full financial information?

We have no idea what the rent cost is? If the DH is paying other debts linked to a failed business etc. How long he has been earning this salary? We know he had a period out of work. Unless we know his outgoings, we have no idea if he is financially abusive.

What is clear from the OP is neither of them are open and honest about their financial situation, that surely has to be the first step.

Have you found out exactly what the DEA is for yet, OP? You need all the facts, amount to be repaid, length of time, etc.

You also both need to be totally transparent with each other about your finances and communicating about them, it's very concerning that you can't and that you seem afraid to do so.

@HalzTangz

To be fair something doesn't add up, I've never heard anyone get £4700 TC for a couple months payments. Exactly how long did you claim for (that amount seems to be 6-8 months)

The OP said this in her last post:

To be clear, I received the tax credits for about six months and dh was unemployed for about two of those months.

It was obviously silly to ignore this and hope it went away. But I am so sorry for the position you're in now. Best thing to do is be honest with your husband. Explain what happened, why you needed the money, why you struggle each month and don't fee like there's financial fairness or respect in your relationship. What happens next would depend on his response for me. Excessive anger, blame or malice and I wouldn't stay. It may feel hopeless and despairing, but it will be okay. People find themselves in these financial positions often sadly. You will survive and you will live happily and at peace again.

You need to add up the costs on that list then decide together on an acceptable figure. If he won’t consider it, then you really do have to leave.
If he has no idea how expensive things are then £600 + child benefit seems a lot of money. Open his eyes if he’s truly unaware. If not then tell him you just can’t manage and also tell him about the catalogues. If he doesn’t care, leave.