Allowance - how much?

[allaboutthecrisps]

Our DD is 14 and we think it might be time for her to have an allowance. She is very sensible and not very practised at shopping/ getting into and back from town on her own.

We would continue to buy school uniform and a pair of black shoes.

We think her allowance would cover all other clothing, haircuts, presents for friends, usual pocket money spends (books, occasional sweets, electronic things like headphones etc.), any lunches out with friends (not with us, we'd pay for those - lunches out with friends are v. v. rare and cheap), travel to/ from town (she can walk if she wants but there are bus options too).

We were thinking of £50 a month. How does this compare to what others get?

This will not be directly tied to household tasks as we're not sure that's an idea we really want to get behind given that household tasks are something we all have to do without financial reward, but just for context, she is pretty good at this kind of stuff. Today she made me lunch and is cleaning the bathroom for example, and takes full responsibility for her own room cleaning and tidying.

@Serafinaaa

No one is saying you shouldn't buy your kids essentials like underwear etc, you are still buying it, you are just giving the child control by giving them the money and teaching them to budget for their expenses. It's an essential skill to teach and so many young adults struggle with money because their parents bought everything for them and they didn't learn what things costs and how to budget.

My adult DC have never struggled to budget because I bought their pants

I think the issue here is less that the DD would be responsible for buying underwear and more the unrealistic budget on which she is expected to be able to do it.

Last time i bought DD a bra it was £15. So add in a pack of basic pants from the supermarket and that's at least £20 gone. Yes, you don't need to buy these every month, but next month might be a pair of jeans, or a hoodie. What happens when it's winter and she needs a new coat? These are not cheap. The budget is unreasonable.

Just done a rough spreadsheet (nerd alert).

Parent covers phone/haircuts/bus pass = £12 per week

Teen covers cinema/bowling/concert tickets/friends bday gifts/theme park visits/light lunches/fancier dinners/make up/clothes (that they want over and above parent providing basics like jeans/jumpers/underwear etc).

I put a rough cost of each, and an estimate of how many per year. Divided by 52 = £20 per week.

I haven't worked out whether the budget is reasonable, was responding to some posters saying that it was unreasonable to expect a teenager to buy 'essential' items themselves. They aren't buying them themselves if you're providing the money.

In my experience, those who are taught about money and given experience using it are able to manage their money better as adults. I am eternally grateful for my parents for not bailing
me out as a teenager when I ran out of allowance money so that I could learn. My ex is from a wealthy family who was just handed everything he needed. He struggled massively when his adult income couldn't buy what he'd been given as a child. He got into huge amounts of debt.

I had an allowance from about the same age and, similarly, was expected to buy everything out of it including toiletries, sanpro, clothes, shoes, even school uniform (though my parents did pay for my school bus pass and school lunches). It wasn’t really enough. I do think that not keeping a 14-year-old in basic clothes and toiletries is an abnegation of responsibility.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Just done a rough spreadsheet (nerd alert).

Parent covers phone/haircuts/bus pass = £12 per week

Teen covers cinema/bowling/concert tickets/friends bday gifts/theme park visits/light lunches/fancier dinners/make up/clothes (that they want over and above parent providing basics like jeans/jumpers/underwear etc).

I put a rough cost of each, and an estimate of how many per year. Divided by 52 = £20 per week.

That is certainly an improvement.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Just done a rough spreadsheet (nerd alert).

Parent covers phone/haircuts/bus pass = £12 per week

Teen covers cinema/bowling/concert tickets/friends bday gifts/theme park visits/light lunches/fancier dinners/make up/clothes (that they want over and above parent providing basics like jeans/jumpers/underwear etc).

I put a rough cost of each, and an estimate of how many per year. Divided by 52 = £20 per week.

£12 plus £20 per week x52/12 to give a monthly amount works out as £139 per month, nearly 3 times the amount that the OP is planning to give her child.

I'd say a budget of £139 per month is absolutely reasonable and manageable. Expecting a 14 year old to do it for £50 is just impossible.

Obviously not every family can afford that much, but in families where the budget is too tight to cover essentials (which at £50 p m for all that OP expects is), it really needs to be the parent who bears the stress and responsibility of that and worries about how a winter coat can be afforded when there's not enough money in the pot, not a 14 year old.

^ that budget was with parents buying things that OP expect the DD to buy as well!

£12 plus £20 per week x52/12 to give a monthly amount works out as £139 per month, nearly 3 times the amount that the OP is planning to give her child.

OP said she was paying the phone and bus pass not needed. So actually works out at £86 a month I think.

We haven't started allowances yet (DS's are 15 and 10). Things like concert tickets are BD presents here. They can be really pricey!!

@Minezatea

£12 plus £20 per week x52/12 to give a monthly amount works out as £139 per month, nearly 3 times the amount that the OP is planning to give her child.

OP said she was paying the phone and bus pass not needed. So actually works out at £86 a month I think.

We haven't started allowances yet (DS's are 15 and 10). Things like concert tickets are BD presents here. They can be really pricey!!

It's only phone OP pays for, she'll still need some money for travel and haircuts on top of the £86.

Even £100 (double what the OP is suggesting) is going to be tight.

Personally I'd just give her reasonable spends (£30-50 p month) and let her be a teenager, rather than expecting her to provide all her essentials on a too tight budget.

Personally I'd just give her reasonable spends (£30-50 p month) and let her be a teenager, rather than expecting her to provide all her essentials on a too tight budget.

Me too. I have never quite understood the idea that they need to be responsible for everything at 14 in order to teach them how to budget. Budgeting is a skill that can be learned at any age and it's perfectly fine to allow your teens some carefree time before they have to start worrying about where the money is coming from for their next bra.

It wouldn’t be enough for what your suggesting IMO but you obviously think it is as your not open to suggestions (so pretty pointless to post and ask).

My DS14 gets £10 per week, we still pay for clothes when they are needed, his phone bill, gym membership, bus pass, shoes / trainers etc, dinner money, any food when out with us, bike repairs (although he likes to ‘pimp’ his bike so he saves up for those)

His pocket money basically covers going out with his friends, lunch when he’s out alone and any snacks he chooses to buy when out & about and Xbox games that he doesn’t get for birthdays / Christmas.

I feel reassured by this thread
DD (14) gets 40 pounds a month but it is for her fun stuff really. Spending when out with her friends, extra make up, toiletries, stationery, presents for friends
Sounds similar to what others on this thread do.

I would in no way make her pay for her own undies, deodorant or hair cut. That still feels like my responsibility to pay for her. I also think some basic clothes I will still pay for ie some out of school shoes, winter coat, some basic outfits. Branded expensive stuff will have to be saved for or presents.

If she was out with us on a family day out I would pay for her. It would feel really weird not to.
I think my dad still paid for me if we were out together long after I'd left home. Probably until my income surpassed his! He just liked to.

I think you've got it right, Covoid. 14 is time for fun. Having to budget will come soon enough.

I’m reassured too! 14 is far too young to be worrying about how to afford basic staples - that’s the parents job. Echoing what the majority have suggested, give her fun money each month and continue with doing your job as a mum and provide her with everything she needs.

Some people seem to want to give their child as little as possible under the guise of teaching them how to budget. They have a lifetime of adulthood to learn that.

I think life gets hard enough soon enough. Obviously it depends what you can afford to give your child - & no - one knows that apart from you. But early teens I would cover everything essential including haircuts and clothes and then some for free spending with friends.

I am not sure an allowance of that sort is a way of teaching budgeting. I suspect in some families ( including mine ) just being aware that this is OK but we can't afford that the child will absorb money does not grow on trees. At 14 I would pay for most things - luxury things are Christmas / birthday presents . & a smaller monthly allowance for their own choice.

Ha ha - I have just said what others have

£2.50 for a haircut??? Does she see the local sheep shearer?!

£50 is too little I think. I don't think you have realistic expectations of what teens spend.

She's only 14. Let her have fun money to manage and you take on the financial responsibility for everything else.

You seem to want to offload your job list and save money at the same time.

To be honest 14 seems very old to be given an allowance for the first time - or perhaps she did get some pocket money before that? But personally I think that children as young as 7ish can benefit from receiving weekly pocket money - just a couple of pounds a week- to help them to learn about money and savings and how to budget.

It wasn't that long since I was a teenager (I'm 25)

From age 13 I got £10 a week pocket money so that's about £43 a month. This was dependent on doing my jobs - sorting washing, tidy bedroom, emptying dishwasher - and I did sometimes get it removed for not doing them!

However, my parents paid for:
Phone contract which was £10 per month
2 clothes shops a year approx £250 a time
Haircuts
School uniform
A pair of trainers and boots each year
School lunches
Bus pass to school (which also covered me to town)

So the £10 per week basically covered my weekend trips to town with friends, a McDonald's and some nail varnish or a new dvd every week. This was fine and then at 15 I got a paper round which gave me an additional £20 per week, and at 16 got a job in a pub which earned me anything from £20-50 per week.

They gave me this allowance right up to age 18 when I went to uni. It was then upped to £50 per week which sounded fab but didn't go far at all!

Hmmm, its £11.50 a week, sounds very low to me to be honest.

I'm 34 now so its been 20 years since I was 14 but I used to have £60 a week to spend on my own stuff. That was my earnings from a weekend job so a bit different to an allowance but I think I'd have really struggled on £50 a month, even back then.

Six years ago my dd was this age and she had £20 per week, so about £90 a month.
I paid for her haircuts though.
Some of her friends had more and some had less but this was a comfortable amount for her at the time. So I'd say £100 a month would be what I would allocate for your DD's situation.

@allaboutthecrisps in terms of teaching about money it would be better for you to give her more, and then have her buy her own skin products/bras/undies. There's a huge difference between pocket money and money to cover your needs and occasional wants.

My dc same age receives 80 pcm and is not a big spender. She splits that between things she needs, savings, fun things. We started this as a bit of a dipping toes into managing a bigger budget and saving for needs instead of just pocket money. At her next Birthday the plan is to bring it to 100 pcm. I'm never going to stop buying her additional items. For example, just bought her a pack of 5 new undies which she was really pleased about. Also for the 80 pcm she doesn't have haircuts (is growing her hair) so that helps too. I'm also planning to buy her a voucher for a lovely local salon for her next birthday too. But I really like that the 80/month has helped her learn to save for things, and begin to understand budgeting for needs instead of just putting all money towards wants. It's been a really positive experience.

@allaboutthecrisps to be honest it sounds like you live a very basic lifestyle and want her to do the same. Hunting in the sales for clothes, cheap haircuts, £5 places for lunch. Which is all absolutely fine if that is all you can afford.

However if it's not then I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest. Is it in line with her friendship group?

Also with regards to no presents to parents at Christmas and a bar of chocolate for birthdays. I don't think that's a good life lesson. I think it's unimaginative and thoughtless.

My kids have to buy their own presents for us and for siblings and grandparents. It doesn't need to be expensive but it needs to be thoughtful. They love going into town and wandering around thinking about what other people might like. They get excitement from wrapping that gift up and the anticipation of giving and how much the receiver might like it. We are not talking expensive presents here. Usually £10-15..

I don't think the OP would take too kindly to the following question but what is your household income? If you are saving several hundred per week, month or year that matters more than what you give your child.

If you have no mortgage and ahousehold income of £100k or a mortgage of £1000 per month and an income of £35k you can afford to give your child differing amounts?

If you used to have a low income and high outgoings but now are much more prosperous it is difficult to change your mindset, but surely every parents should want their child to have the best childhood they can have?