Allowance - how much?

[allaboutthecrisps]

Our DD is 14 and we think it might be time for her to have an allowance. She is very sensible and not very practised at shopping/ getting into and back from town on her own.

We would continue to buy school uniform and a pair of black shoes.

We think her allowance would cover all other clothing, haircuts, presents for friends, usual pocket money spends (books, occasional sweets, electronic things like headphones etc.), any lunches out with friends (not with us, we'd pay for those - lunches out with friends are v. v. rare and cheap), travel to/ from town (she can walk if she wants but there are bus options too).

We were thinking of £50 a month. How does this compare to what others get?

This will not be directly tied to household tasks as we're not sure that's an idea we really want to get behind given that household tasks are something we all have to do without financial reward, but just for context, she is pretty good at this kind of stuff. Today she made me lunch and is cleaning the bathroom for example, and takes full responsibility for her own room cleaning and tidying.

I appreciate you are trying to teach money awareness and budgeting skills but you need to balance that because by expecting her to buy all the essential stuff that you, as a parent, should be providing (basic clothes, toiletries, haircuts when needed) you're not helping her budget, you're expecting her to become self sufficient with 50 quid a month. Pocket money isn't supposed to be something you pay to absolve yourself of the responsibility of clothing your teen. Its supposed to be something they can use to socialise, top up their wardrobe, buy luxuries, not the basics.

£50 would just about cover a haircut. It's not enough, I would still take her clothes shopping.

Black shoes

Until recently my 16 year old DD got £55 a month but I still paid for hair, some clothes, mobile phone, lunches etc. I've just upped it to £90 per month

@allaboutthecrisps
I think this thread is a moot point in that if you can only afford £50 p.m then that’s what you can afford 🤷‍♀️ ultimately your DD will have to budget it as best she can. That said if she needs (needs not wants, we all have to learn we can’t have everything we want?) something additional then presumably you’d expect to find extra money for her- in the same way you would on an expensive outlay month prior to deciding to give her an overarching allowance.

I really can’t get on board with this ‘but a simple lunch is £20’.. yes but lunch out , is a luxury and not a given? Many adults can’t afford to eat out monthly/weekly and so surprise surprise they just don’t!

I have 2 boys (15 and 12) I don’t give them pocket money, I pay mobiles (they have decent ones iPhone 12s) Amazon and Netflix, pop and sweets 2 or 3 times a week, clothes (not just basic, the named stuff they like) e.g spent £120 in jd sale yesterday for them - so easy spend £600 a year on out of school clothes, they had hairs done yesterday at £25. I bung them money when they go out IF I can afford it, if not then it’s tough, their needs are all met, and their wants are if we can- same as with me. I agree with op that it’s wrong to give an unsustainable amount that they’ll not be able to maintain on a student loan and part time job/first job.
I can see I’m in the minor on here, but in real life (we live in an affluent seaside town-but I’m not particularly well off) my approach is echoed by ds’ friends’ parents’.
I’m happy with this and so are DS’ so thus thread won’t change my mind. Just wanted to add solidarity op! X

£50 a month seems extremely low. I used to get £80 a month 15 years ago, and it didn’t include haircuts, and a winter coat and pair of boots, and other major essentials.

Obviously £50 is fine if you cover essentials but really a haircut is an essential.

My 14yr old gets 80 a month for socialising, make up, clothes etc although I do buy her basic summer/winter wardrobe. She gets new trainers at christmas and birthday

14 yo DTS get £30 a month each. In addition we pay £20 each mobile contract. Anything else they need we pay for (hair, clothes, uniform, toiletries etc.) Anything they want they pay for.

I think this is the wrong place to ask.
Clearly people on here have more money than a lot of families.

FWIW I had £0 allowance growing up and 1 haircut a year. My mum would obviously buy uniform, school shoes, one pair of trainers per year (cheap ones and if we destroyed them then tough luck) and some basic clothes. I survived just fine.
If we wanted extra clothing/shoes we used our birthday/Christmas money.

£50 a month is £600 a year. That is A LOT for clothing and socialising for a teenager that presumably isn't used to designer clothes, £40 jeans and expensive meals for lunch. I would pay her haircuts though and all essentials like underwear/socks/toiletries. Teenagers don't need to be spending £50 a month on clothes either, who as an adult buys clothing every single month? I'm fortunate enough to be financially comfortable now and still don't think I spend £600 a year on clothing for my DC..

I have been giving DS16 £40 a month. But on top of that, I pay for a three - weekly haircut, toiletries, mobile, money for inside birthday cards, clothes that he really needs, with occasional extras.

He has expensive taste and luckily he does very well cash wise at Xmas and birthdays, as well asking for trainers, etc. He buys a lot of clothes with Xmas/birthday money. He's also been selling clothes online and making a small fortune. Until Covid, he was earning another £15 per week through his paper round.

He has just started a proper part time job and I have cancelled his allowance now. But I'll pay for all the things I usually do and now I feel like I can "treat" him more regularly, or save extra for him .

I think you should definitely pay for haircuts, especially as so infrequent. And it should be an absolute given that you pay for underwear and school lunches.

Tight-fisted. Sorry but you did ask! At the same age we gave DD £85 a month for a similar list of out-goings. This was over 10 years ago.

At sixth form age her cousin and a lot of her friends began receiving a £30 weekly allowance that the government was paying at the time to encourage young people to stay on for sixth form. We were not eligible as our family income was deemed too high (although far from well-off). We wanted to put her in the same position as her friends so we gave her £120 a month.

She didn't fritter it, and has grown up extremely sensible with money. Her and her boyfriend are in the process of buying their first house having managed to save a 25 % deposit.

We give our 15 year old dd about £80 a month, she is expected to buy some clothes from it but not expensive items like trainers.

I give my son £20 a month straight into a kids nationwide account to cover going out with his friends and buying Mac Donald’s. Everything else I cover. He loves it and really thinks about how to spend it.
I did the same with my daughter until she turned 16 and starting earning £350 a month herself. She now pays for most things herself but I still seem to be stuck paying for her phone

I think you’re expecting £50 a month to cover a lot. I accept that people can only give what they can afford but generally an allowance is given on the basis that a reasonable amount of it is for discretionary spending/fun money. Fair enough to agree that it needs to cover x, y, z but then you have to allow an amount that will actually cover x,y,z rather than say

This is what you’re getting, now somehow make it cover lots of stuff that parents provide such as shoes (parents provide more than just a pair for school) clothes (parents provide more than just school uniform) AND savings AND socialising AND public transport AND books AND anything other than the basic toiletries bought for the household.

If you can’t afford £50 for largely discretionary spends then that’s just reality but honestly, she’d be better off with £15/£20 per month to do what she likes with than trying to stretch £50 to cover pretty much everything other than school uniform, the roof over her head and three meals a day!

DS is 13 and we buy-
All clothes and shoes
Extra curricular things
Presents for friends
Any school sundries
Haircuts
Toiletries

He has £25/month and from that he is expected to pay for
Lunches/drinks when out and about with mates
Any art supplies
Books
Apps
Other clothing he has his heart set on- we split the cost or he can “earn” more by doing extra chores
So the allowance really is for fun spends. And he usually has lots left over which he will put towards something big.

We also buy books for him at high days and holidays and he is regularly given tokens by various people as he is a total book worm

I'm going to ignore the arrogant people who have just posted really nasty mean comments and I think failed to understand that not everyone is as wealthy as them. £50 of course is fine as that's in reality MORE than we have been spending on her. She has not gone without and has a wardrobe full of nice clothes. The idea that you need to spend £30 on a pair of jeans is ridiculous. Of course you can easily and 10 times that but many people have to find ways to spend less. Not sure why people find it so hard to understand that there is an income distribution and more than one pair of shoes is indeed a luxury, not a necessity (and then you can get cheap shoes at primark or similar). Thank you to those who have made helpful comments and not just come on here to virtue signal and judge. I think the idea of a spreadsheet is really helpful. I may well be influenced by how little I got as a teen too, which was less than £50 in today's money and although it felt tight it did not feel like I ever had to go without anything I needed. I got a job when I could but I'd expect her to as well and indeed she is already looking for a paper round (she also expects to work for things in life).

@Dimsummummy. Thank you for your comments. Yes, I agree, lunch out is a luxury. If she goes out 4 times a year for a sit down lunch I'd not feel like she was missing out on life. I did not have a sit down meal of any kind with friends until I was in my 20's. It's not a necessity and not something kids need in any form. A McD's meal was more our thing and I know my DD is of much the same mind.

The idea that you need to spend £30 on a pair of jeans is ridiculous.

I mentioned that as a cost for a pair of jeans. I don't think it's ridiculous at all, it's at the cheaper end of the scale really. Unless you buy Primark badly shaped, badly fitted and poor quality jeans.

I do understand that not everyone had the same income but for the list you expect your teen to buy from £50 a month, you would be setting her up to fail.

A suggestion upthread is less picket money but you still buy the essentials, that seems like a reasonable solution. There may be times where you have more or less money in the bank, so the flexibility of you keeping responsibility for buying her clothes etc may suit you better.

£50 is definitely not enough! How much do you spend on yourself a month? Coffees? Make up? Extra clothes? £50 doesn’t go far at all.

So if you think it's a perfectly fine amount why are you wanting to compare with others? Why post in the first place? £50 a month for essentials is fine but let's call a spade a spade, its not an allowance is it? Its giving her the responsibility of buying her own essentials, other than uniform and school lunches. I was a low paid single parent and appreciate how to stretch a budget, so don't say its just the "arrogant" well off folks who are disagreeing with you. You asked for opinions on a public forum and people are entitled to answer.

Ah ok. You’re one of those anything other than the absolute bare minimum necessary to exist is a luxury types. Each to their own but I’ve no idea why you want to hand responsibility for managing on as little as possible over to your 14 year old. Just carry on giving her whatever her current allowance is and make the decisions about essentials yourself.

Of course people are entitled to answer and entitled to see things very differently and disagree with me too. The rudeness is unnecessary though. In my world an allowance is about buying your own stuff and that's what differentiates it from pocket money which is just about fun and unnecessary (but probably enriching) extras. What does allowance mean to others then?

@Rainbowsmiles82

I spend around £20 a year on make up, £5 a month on coffee and perhaps £25 on clothes. Perhaps I am at the low end of normal though with that though my friends are much the same so I know I'm not alone in that sort of spending. @TheMethodicalMeerkat I'm not anti luxury spending just keen that my dd can recognise which is which as that's been protective when our finances have been really tight.

What does allowance mean to others then?

I don't think the terminology matters. In order for it to effectively teach it has to be realistic.