Allowance - how much?

[allaboutthecrisps]

Our DD is 14 and we think it might be time for her to have an allowance. She is very sensible and not very practised at shopping/ getting into and back from town on her own.

We would continue to buy school uniform and a pair of black shoes.

We think her allowance would cover all other clothing, haircuts, presents for friends, usual pocket money spends (books, occasional sweets, electronic things like headphones etc.), any lunches out with friends (not with us, we'd pay for those - lunches out with friends are v. v. rare and cheap), travel to/ from town (she can walk if she wants but there are bus options too).

We were thinking of £50 a month. How does this compare to what others get?

This will not be directly tied to household tasks as we're not sure that's an idea we really want to get behind given that household tasks are something we all have to do without financial reward, but just for context, she is pretty good at this kind of stuff. Today she made me lunch and is cleaning the bathroom for example, and takes full responsibility for her own room cleaning and tidying.

Now now, don’t turn this on me because I pointed out you were being unfair.
You said you’re secure yet seem to think £50 is enough for her to cover everything but school uniform, it’s stingy regardless of family income.
I’ve had times in my life with much less coming in than now and I would never expect any of my DC to keep themselves on £50pm.
You are expecting a 14yr old to manage and budget for everything she needs, it’s unnecessary and seems as if you think because you were treated like that then it’s ok, it’s really not.
If you can’t handle criticism don’t post on SM for opinions.

I don't think it's enough to cover all those things, sorry.

Does she live somewhere where she will be able to get a Saturday job if she wants to soon?

Being nasty = telling the truth.

Your daughter is your responsibility and you should be buying her clothes and shoes and paying for haircuts.. £50 a week yes, a month, laughable. What year are you living in to think £50 would cover that list?

@unim

Yes I think she will be able to get job relatively young. What would you give to cover all those things?

[quote allaboutthecrisps]@chonkymonky
She's not grown for 2 years and went through puberty early. Pretty secure in that I think. If she were to suddenly grow and need clothes for that reason we'd look at using our credit card to get things ourselves for her as she obviously would find it hard to get a fill wardrobe from.scratch on that.[/quote]
I see.

I can't remember when I stopped growing, but DS is still going at 16.

It was a genuine question, not a dig.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel
Well obviously we would be paying for all those things, just indirectly. Obviously she would not have to buy shoes as we would buy shoes for schi and she can wear them all year round, like she had shas for the last 10 years. And obviously 50 a month does cover all that as it has been. I think you didnt read the thread.

Perhaps it would be fairer for you to buy her shoes (not just black school shoes but most likely trainers and one pair of leisure shoes) and basic clothing (school uniform, winter coats, rainwear, socks, bra, knickers, swimsuit, essential tops and trousers etc) and then give her the £50 a month on top of that.

That way you know she has everything she needs and the £50 is for anything on top of that.

@chonkymonky

I did read it as a genuine question ot a dig and a legitimate one I think. I.was genuinely wondering how much you thought would be enough. Boys I think often do grow until later than girls. I stopped growing at 12 and she did start puberty etc.at the same time as I did so I really do think she has stopped growing but obviously i cant be 100 percent sure

Average cost;
Trainers £60-80
Jeans £30-40
Hoodies £30-60
Lunch Nando’s £20
Makeup £30
Nails £45
Travel £15
Basic clothing £20-30
Haircut £30
Birthdays £15 per person
Not all every month but example costs.
We don’t live in a super affluent area, just average working families and I can hand on heart say I don’t know any 14/15 yr old that only gets clothes if they grow or eats happy meals.
Nobody is being nasty they are being honest.
You’re DD sounds very young without interest in a lot of teenage things, that will change and your budget will need to accommodate that.

@HerMammy

Can you just stop please? I'm feeling really harranged by you. Please don't now start insulting my dd who is perfectly normal for her age and perfectly able to join in all normal things and perfectly able to feel happy with jeans she buys for a lot less than the amount you consider normal.

Insulting? christ you’re good at your poor wee me routine!!
Cheery bye tighty!! 😭😭

You've added that will buy her underclothes so that is something, in your first post you gave the impression she had to buy all her clothes apart from what she wears to school.

Give it a try and see how it goes.

🤣🤣🤣
Seriously? saying someone sounds young isn’t rude or nasty!!
I’ve said nothing nasty, I disagree with you, that isn’t nasty.
Why don’t you just delete your thread if you’re so delicate 🙄🙄

@HerMammy

Now now, don’t turn this on me because I pointed out you were being unfair. You said you’re secure yet seem to think £50 is enough for her to cover everything but school uniform, it’s stingy regardless of family income. I’ve had times in my life with much less coming in than now and I would never expect any of my DC to keep themselves on £50pm. You are expecting a 14yr old to manage and budget for everything she needs, it’s unnecessary and seems as if you think because you were treated like that then it’s ok, it’s really not. If you can’t handle criticism don’t post on SM for opinions.

Absolutely agree and @allaboutthecrisps you seem to be trying to twist peoples comments to suggest they just don’t understand that different people have different budgets and that posters are “looking down” on you for not having lots of money which is bollox and you know it.

The point most posters are trying to make is that it’s unfair to hand the responsibility and stress of a tight budget to a fourteen year old. It’s your job to manage the household income and make decisions about essentials v nice to haves, to decide whether one essential is more essential than another this week. Plenty of people have to do exactly this, it’s not unusual but it’s the responsibility of the parents, not the child.

It’s a bit odd that one minute you’re expressing surprise that this £50 for everything isn’t considered a princely sum and doing the whole we’re just not materialistic people thing 🙄 yet the next you’re playing the you don’t understand what it’s like to be poor card. If you’re hard up than you must know it’s not a lot of money for her to cover everything you expect it to in which case why the (faux) surprise at the responses here pointing out exactly that?

Give it a rest @HerMammy You've made your point.

@HerMammy

Go away please. Stay away please. You know perfectly well that calling my dd young was a pa dig.

@TheMethodicalMeerkat
Thanking you 🌟

@chonkymonky
Likewise to OP with her ridiculous accusations. 😉

@TheMethodicalMeerkat

I don't agree with you. I though people might say it's fine I give mine the same or loads I give them 30, or perhaps not enough push it to 60, 70 or something. But im being called tight for not giving enough to get a new wardrobe 3 times a year or 100 fun money a month which is clearly unaffordable for most people.

No you’re being called tight because you’re calling £50 an allowance as though it’s pocket money to do with as she pleases when actually it’s mostly made up of the money a parent would need to spend on their child just for every day essentials.

You’re very quick to point out the comments that you see as negative but I and others have suggested ways of giving her fun money and providing for her needs in a way that wouldn’t cost you any more but would be more appropriate for a 14 year old learning about budgeting and choices. You’re more concerned with painting yourself a delicate soul under attack than taking on any opinions though .

She is just a child. The responsibility to make sure she has all essentials rests with her parents. Please don’t put that on her shoulders.
As an aside, I agree with 98% of the answers that £50 for all you listed is not enough.

What nonsense themethodical
I've not presented it as fun money at all. I'm not asking for comments about whether an allowance is appropriate so not sure why anyone is meddling there. Of course there are other ways to get her what she needs but this is the way we're choosing and i was seeking opinions to help us choose the right amount to give to start with. I am under attack. No need to paint myself like that when its really happening. You don't need to tell me what's appropriate for my children any more than I do for yours. I respect that others do things differently and there no right or wrong but we will decide what right for us.

Thank you to those who have answered the actual question rather tha wandering onto whatever point they think shows their superior parenting. You have helped us to consider whether we have chosen the right amount of allowance and what it should cover.

Bellyups we would help her budget as needed so she would have essentials. Doing it this way does not.devolve responsibility for that.

£50 as an allowance is OK as long as you give her pocket money as well.