Allowance - how much?

[allaboutthecrisps]

Our DD is 14 and we think it might be time for her to have an allowance. She is very sensible and not very practised at shopping/ getting into and back from town on her own.

We would continue to buy school uniform and a pair of black shoes.

We think her allowance would cover all other clothing, haircuts, presents for friends, usual pocket money spends (books, occasional sweets, electronic things like headphones etc.), any lunches out with friends (not with us, we'd pay for those - lunches out with friends are v. v. rare and cheap), travel to/ from town (she can walk if she wants but there are bus options too).

We were thinking of £50 a month. How does this compare to what others get?

This will not be directly tied to household tasks as we're not sure that's an idea we really want to get behind given that household tasks are something we all have to do without financial reward, but just for context, she is pretty good at this kind of stuff. Today she made me lunch and is cleaning the bathroom for example, and takes full responsibility for her own room cleaning and tidying.

Hmm based off a child in care the government gives a 14 yr old £6 a month for hair and toiletries, £30 a month for clothes (no including uniforms) and a 14 year old is £6 a week pocket money so that £60 a month that also has never increased in over 20 years the only thing that changed was when you were 15 you got an extra 75p a week pocket money however busfares were paid for, so I wouldn't say you were far off and it is a good practice for them to save and buy there own stuff my own child gets £4 a week but is under 10 and it on the condition there room is tidy

But you're expecting her fun money to come out of it too, so it's not just essentials. You're her parent, the adult, you're still responsible for her essentials. You can't make a 14 year old responsible for making sure she's clothed and can afford a haircut.

£6 a month is ridiculous as is a happy meal. Does she get the little toy?! No doubt she's excited at the idea of it as she's had so little for so long and she thinks £50 is a huge amount of money, which it isn't for all the things you've listed. She just doesn't realise it and is probably excited at the thought of being able to buy a proper meal and shoes.

And btw more than one pair of shoes is not a luxury. It's perfectly normal.

I agree with others that it seems very low. If you can afford more then I would give her more. Or I’d buy her some more basic clothes myself and then the budget wouldn’t seem so hard.

After reading your recent replies @allaboutthecrisps I feel very sorry for your daughter 😢😢

I remember getting £20 a month at that age, but I think it was just for anything I wanted to do or buy and not essential stuff.

You sound like you’ve posted because you wanted to start a fight about how materialistic everyone else is compared to you and your happy meals. You know rightly that £50 isn’t enough to cover all that you’ve listed, you get around £85 from the government to help with those costs before you’ve put a penny towards raising her yourself. Why not give her at least that if you want it to cover most of the essential spending involved in being a parent?

As an aside - it’s always disconcerting on budgeting threads how many people divide their monthly budget by four to get their weekly budget. If you work on that basis you’ll find a whole ‘month’/four week unit at the end of your accounting year that you’ve allocated zero money to!

I think like others have said, is it enough to cover her usual way of living - only you know that.

DS (17) gets £60 a month - has done since he was about 14- we cover phone bill, most clothing and now he has a train pass for college so that covers weekend travel. So he now has more spare money (as he doesn't have to pay for train fare to see friends) but equally we haven't increased as he's got older.

So his pocket money covers buses at the weekend, food when out etc. He's a good saver though and is often saving up for the next school holiday so he can afford the train fare into London or to the beach etc.

DS2 is younger but also has all of his friends local, so he needs less money to cover travel expenses.

@ALevelhelp I think that's a really good way of doing it PP! There's a difference between helping a teen to learn how to budget and then putting stress and worry on them with situations like if I buy this happy meal, I won't have £2.50 left to save for my haircut in 12 months time!

Do all your teens buy themselves clothes every weekend? And eat out at Nandos/equivalent every weekend at 20 a pop? Add in cinema or whatever.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Do all your teens buy themselves clothes every weekend? And eat out at Nandos/equivalent every weekend at 20 a pop? Add in cinema or whatever.

No. Not at all.

My example was that bus plus lunch would be around £20. So even once a month leaves £30 to budget for everything else, and OP meant everything else!

Even without a single penny spent on 'fun' you would be hard pushed to provide everything for a teenager on £50 a month.

I didn't give mine loads of money for spending but they had enough as they could afford to go into town if they wanted. I bought them clothes etc because I am responsible for them and also because I wanted to.

OP seems to want to spend as little as possible and hasn't factored in that one day her teenager might want a different hair cut, or even a regular haircut. She might want to get the bus to the next town over. She might want a Large Big Mac meal and a McFlurry.

It seems like a miserable experience already for the DD and putting the huge responsibility of the cost of living for only £50 a month on her shoulders is some sort of a get out for OP - unfortunately for her DD it's not realistic and she will be set to fail

This thread is crazy!
My son will be 14 soon. I give him £80 a month. This pays for his mobile phone, clothes and shoes (excluding anything needed for school), anything he wants to buy for the PlayStation, leisure money and present money. I pay for anything related to school, haircuts and football club subs. I've been doing this for about 8 months. It's working really well, he's learning to budget, save and plan ahead. He keeps a spreadsheet so he can track what he's spending. Being a boy possibly makes him 'cheaper', but in this time, he's never spent the full amount. He's happy to wait until Christmas or his birthday to get something expensive (he got some Nike Air Jordan's for Christmas from his dad). @allaboutthecrisps I would suggest upping the amount to perhaps £60, get her to keep a spreadsheet and review it quarterly.

That's way too low.

My DC get £50 per month each spends. We pay for phone, gym,travel, clothes, haircuts, basic toiletries etc on top of that. We also give extra spends in the long summer holidays when they socialise more. What they get is the lower end of normal amongst their peers. Where I am it's absolutely normal for teens to eat out (Nandos/Wagamama/pizza express etc) or go to the cinema or bowling etc a few times each month.

I get that you may not have the funds to give as much as a typical teenager gets, but it should be you, the adult, that bears the burden of stretching a too small budget, that responsibility shouldn't be foisted on to a 14 yr old. If money's really tight then just give her £20/30 a month pure spends, and you worry about scrabbling around to pay for her hair cuts, clothes etc , not her.

@Lollylego

Thank you for a helpful and genuine reply. Yes this thread is bonkers. MN often seems full of some very privileged people and that seems to be the case here. Of course she might want a different haircut or a £20 lunch out but at the moment she would use birthday money for those treats and that would continue if she wanted to do that frequently. I was thinking of upping it to £60 and doing the spreadsheet as you suggest. If she is struggling we will think again and if needs be find a way to up it.

I'm going to leave this thread now as yet again MN has made me grateful to have friends who can step outside their own position and talk politely. I discuss this with a couple of friends first and they thought 50 was fine, but I wanted broader opinions.

Thank you @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz that's what I was thinking too. And obviously an occasional such treat is possible on 50 a month. For most of us it is an occasional treat. Once a month for an expensive lunch as a teen seems bonkers to me tbh. And a mcs, even if you bought a full on adult meal with dessert would be perfectly possible. And unhealthy enough not to happen more than once a month anyway. I'm going to ask around more broadly in my friendship group to get a comparison from more normal people as I expect a lot of these replies are coming from people who have enough cash to flash.

I’m gobsmacked at the posters stating they buy their children toothpaste and underwear like they are doing them a favour. As their parent this is your duty and no way should they have to pay for it themselves.

Same with school lunches, bus fare, uniform etc. Those poor children 🥺

OP you sound nuts. Literally nearly everyone on the thread had told you it’s not enough for what you’re expecting your daughter to do with it.
It’s not about money or flashing the cash don’t be a victim you asked for an opinion and then ignored the general consensus, you’re asking your daughter to be self sufficient on 50 quid. For your kids sake I hope you’re a troll.

I give 14 Yr old DD £40 a month

I cover school clothes and shoes
I pay a (pretty basic) phone contract
Haircuts
Underwear and some essential clothing eg a couple of sets of winter and summer basics. If I consider it not essential or I don't approve then she has to buy it.
Basic toileteries within family shop eg shampoo, shower gel, deodorant, tampax

She pays for
Gifts for friends and family (except eg great Aunt Maud who'd get a whole family gift)
Lunches out
Any transport (usually cycles)
Extra clothing, make up and toiletries bring the basics (eg her obsession with gel masks)
Extra phone or gaming expenses beyond contract

She does chores eg dishwasher, hoovering, her own laundry and room tidying but the allowance isn't exactly connected with her doing them.

Buying your kid clothes and a haircut isn't flashy. We are normal people. There's a common denominator here op.

I expect a lot of these replies are coming from people who have enough cash to flash.

I think there is a middle ground you are missing.

As you have explained your lifestyle I think it sounds reasonable, you can always start at £50 and see how she manages.

My DS is 20 now but before he left for Uni he got £50 a month (we paid phone). He managed perfectly well, we live fairly rurally and his crowd of friends rarely went to the cinema or bowling or similar 'outings,' he bought his own clothes (loved 'vintage' stuff ), used birthday and Christmas money if he wanted branded trainers etc. Got himself a part time job from 13 (paper round), he really learned to budget and has decent savings and manages very well on his student maintenance loan (we make up to the recommended amount now) ... he still saves as a student and always finds jobs in the vacations and (pre Covid) found a part time job at Uni.

I like to think having a budget helped him learn the value of money, he is careful, even does a little investing in stocks and shares and never comes to us with a plea that he has run out of cash .

Obviously all DC are different but I do privately eye roll at some of the ways my friends indulge their teenagers/young adult DC ... at the same time complaining that they never seem to learn the value of money.

OP it might be worth seeing if Monzo allow under 18s to have accounts - it’s a really useful way of learning to budget by dividing money into pots.

I don't have much money but it still seems pretty tight to me OP. I think haircuts and basic clothes(if they get too small, or hokey for example) should be bought by you.

My parents increased the amount i was given each year and also increased the things I was expected to buy. It's better to work up to it.
Eg (figures made up!)
Age 11 £10 buy stationery
Age 12 £15 but stationery and toiletries
Age 13 £20 but stationery, toiletries and underwear etc

@Neotraditional

I’m gobsmacked at the posters stating they buy their children toothpaste and underwear like they are doing them a favour. As their parent this is your duty and no way should they have to pay for it themselves.

Same with school lunches, bus fare, uniform etc. Those poor children 🥺

I do agree but haven't seen anyone say they wouldn't pay for school lunches, fares to and from school if necessary, or uniform. Maybe I've missed something. However I agree with you that they are standard expenses for parents with dependent children.

A clothing allowance would be for non school clothes, pocket money is for sundry spends. Every child needs some money in their pocket as they get older.

The op's daughter is 14 so at the age where she will want to spread her wings a bit and enjoy some social life.

In time she may get a Saturday and holiday job if she is lucky but I don't think her allowance should be reduced because of that, it will be extra for her. Anyway, part time jobs of that nature don't always last.

When mine were teenagers we didn't have much money but managed to kit out our children adequately and give them money to spend. I used to get child allowance (we called it 'family allowance', I know that has changed in recent years but everyone with children had it), and gave them that for their own use from age 14, we supplemented it and grandparents gave them pocket money.

You just manage to scrape it together somehow. Nobody expects 'yer average' kids to be especially well off but they do need to have decent clothes and as much money as their friends.

(I don't know much about the benefits system but it used to be the case that families with children were given so much in benefits for each dependent child, some of which was for pocket money.)

No one is saying you shouldn't buy your kids essentials like underwear etc, you are still buying it, you are just giving the child control by giving them the money and teaching them to budget for their expenses. It's an essential skill to teach and so many young adults struggle with money because their parents bought everything for them and they didn't learn what things costs and how to budget.