What the heck can I do?

[LordoftheDance]

I'm struggling with our finances. Just to say, this isn't a begging thread. I'm simply hoping for some solidarity from others who have or are in a similar position and for some advice and tips of things I might not have thought of. Although, I'm pretty sure I've exhausted all options at this point.

Our finances aren't sustainable longterm. Our bills come to £1550 per month; so left from DHs wages we have £380. We spend £120 on fuel & £260 on food. That's it. Money gone. There's two adults, a toddler still in nappies, four teen DSC EOW and two cats.

There's nothing I can do about any of our bills. I've cancelled Netflix and Amazon Prime this morning. Besides those, we don't have any kind of TV package. Just basic wifi and landline. I spent several hours on the phone to companies including broadband and mobiles this morning to try and negotiate on cost. No such luck. I was advised by both that I'm already on the lowest possible packages including discounts, etc.

I'm a cleaner but it's minimum wage for 7 hours a week. My wages go entirely on nursery fees for DS. A logical answer would be to take him out of nursery and use my small wage to contribute towards the living costs. However, I had a breakdown a few months ago and have diagnosed GAD & healthy anxiety. I'm on medication now and awaiting CBT but I'd struggle to cope if DS didn't have his nursery to go to. He also loves it.

I hate my job. It's an inconvenient time of day and I always feel worthless and looked down upon. I've been applying for other jobs, any and all that I can with no luck.

I don't know what else I can do. I've been selling things on FB to try and make some money for christmas presents and extra food shopping but I'm fast running out of things to sell.

We have no money for emergencies, clothes, haircuts, car repairs, home repairs, dentist appointments, etc. Our boilers been playing up intermittently for a year but I can't afford to get anyone out to have a look. I do have some kind of repair and service thing but it's still a £90 charge. I need a new pair of glasses but I can't afford that at the moment either. They've been falling off at work and now the lenses are badly scratched.

Long term the solution is obviously for me to find a new better paying job with longer hours but I can't magic one up from nowhere. We don't qualify for any benefits.

Any advice or just someone to moan to would be great! I even had a nightmare last night, I'm worrying so much. The economy crashed and we were forced out of our home and into temporary accommodation where we had neighbours from hell who harassed us. 😂

PS: Please don't tell me to get rid of my cats.

He spends on storage
You spend on nursery

The only solution seems to be for you to get a full time job. Whether that is daytime (pay for more childcare) or evenings & weekends

2 adults
5 children
Pets
On one wage is too tight

Have a look at money saving expert website for ideas, including cheaper glasses which you can buy online if you have a prescription

I am not sure why the OP fella is being called a cocklodger, he works full time and he is only one bringing in any money, I would be annoyed too if someone who worked 7 hours a week said I had to sell my car and get rid of my possessions
Why is it always the men that gets slated, if this was reversed, everyone would be saying how out of order he is and only working 7 hours a week etc
There has been a lot of suggestions on here OP on how u can make more money, mainly being a private cleaner sounds like the most popular, focus on this rather than turning against your OH.

He is able to work FT only because you are looking after his child!

So he should not be making you feel like shit. I agree with the PP about seeing if he can apply for the childcare support.

This is not for you to shoulder alone, and certainly not for him to make you feel shit about. How old is your partner?

2 cars is a big expense when things are so tight. Do you actually need either of them?

I didn't have money or an inheritance when we met. Just the income from my FT job. We rented privately for two years and then unexpectedly the inheritance came. So I don't think he saw me as a source of money when we got together. Although I was probably better off than him, despite him earning more, simply because he had his maintenance payments and his divorce was going through, he had a few debts he took on from the marriage, etc. And was having to start over.

He isn't a cocklodger and he does work very hard. He's been so supportive of me over the years. Especially when I had my breakdown. He's a hands on parent and mucks in from the minute he walks through the door after work. All of the children take priority for him. He helps with bits around the house although as I'm home I do the bulk of cleaning. He does lots of cooking, etc. He is a good person. I think the money situation has put a lot of stress on us both. I definitely think he feels the burden and stress of basically being the sole earner.

I also realise that the biggest change and most sustainable solution long term to sort out our finances involves me getting extra work. As I stated, I am applying for jobs. And after the suggestions, I will also look into the self employed cleaning.

I guess I just feel slightly put out that I'm selling my possessions and bending over backwards trying to make extra money to fund his DCs christmas presents when I can't even get myself a new pair of glasses. I've already started to purchase the DCs presents. That's something that's my responsibility, organising, planning and buying their presents. But yeah, I guess that's the least I can do when DH funds everything else.

Nonsense - why is it your “responsibly” to sort out his 4 kids Xmas presents, right down to the planning? Yeah sure, if you’re the one with more free time - so the actual collecting. But let him plan his own bloody present choices! A good dad? A good dad would enjoy choosing presents for his kids, not pass it off to his PA

OP - please go ahead and get new glasses. You are only 25, you only have one pair of eyes and you don't want problems in the future.

I think you do need to have a sensible discussion about his project.

Either somewhere cheaper to restore it or the option to sell and get another one in x years when he has the time to work on it. Is that not something he can do with his DC on their weekends???

His attitude isn't ok and you sold your possessions to fund your glasses, he can't really complain about that!

Hopefully you can pick up some cleaning work whilst your DC are is at nursery. Start advertising and hunting far and wide. Check out the going rate with the competition. You don't have to provide anything apart from your own mask!

Maybe speak to someone and see if you can get some nursery hours free due to your illness. Some people get 15 hours or more. X

I second the working in a supermarket in the evenings and weekends, you would also receive staff discount to help with food costs.

Also second the looking into changing your car for one with no road tax.

Good luck with it all!

I don’t think the guy should be slated the way he has been by some posters. Turn it the other way around, a woman comes on and says:

‘We’re desperately short of money, can barely make ends meet. I work full time but my partner stays at home apart from the seven hours a week that he works. He looks after our child some of the time but the child goes to nursery several mornings a week and the guy doesn’t work during that time, it’s just time to himself. He provided the deposit for our house through an inheritance but now doesn’t bring in anything much and I’m so stressed out trying to make ends meet through only me working. I do at least my share of housework and childcare around my working hours too. He’s now asking me to sell my things’.

I don’t think it’s fair to call him a cocklodger. I imagine he’s hugely stressed and frustrated but the situation will only get worse if OP and her partner can’t find ways to work together and not blame each other. Of course it shouldn’t be down to Op alone to sort things out but equally advising her to shrug her shoulders and tell him to sort it because they’re mainly just his kids isn’t helpful either. OP knew he had children when they settled down together and they have become a family. It’s not like she’s the one working full time and paying the maintenance of something, he’s doing what he should be!

Op I haven't got any advice better than you've got here but I wanted to send you a hug and say you sound lovely

@sad thank you, that means a lot to me!

@GeorginaTheGiant I agree the thread has been taken off topic of the real problem here. OP is lucky for her partner to have a good salary like that because there’s many earning a lot less.

Thank you so much to whoever suggested contacting the council. Just spoke to a wonderful lady who has changed our council tax to 12 months rather than 10 months and it's reduced the amount by £50 per month! Fantastic!

Brilliant OP! That’s a positive step. I’m not sure if it’s been suggested already but get yourself over to the Martin Lewis website forums, they’re full of amazing hints, tips and inspirational diaries of money savers.

I know you said you need your DS in nursery for your mental health but could you reduce that by 1 day, as that would save a decent amount of money a month. You could then put that aside for savings?

@LordoftheDance

It was my inheritance that paid our mortgage deposit. My inheritance that paid for our new kitchen when we moved in. It was my family member who bought and paid for both of our cars. It feels like a kick in the teeth that this financial burden and worry has been placed on me, he can't do anything, he works FT, it's my issue to solve. The monthly mortgage cost I listed was actually incorrect. £60 of that figure is actually rent that goes toward storage for something of DHs. A project of his that he hasn't the time or money to do. So we pay £60 per month for storage rent for DHs item that's been sat there for over a decade gathering dust. I included it on here as part of the mortgage payment because I didn't want you all to slate him.

£60 a month for a decade is £7200!!!

There are some free courses you could do online to change your job/career. Have you contacted your local college to see what they offer?

Early years playworker?
Care home worker?

Cleaner in a private home.

I think you need to speak to CAB about PIP.

Also, if you get JSA I think you'll get some money towards your glasses, or at least a free eye test. Claim JSA now, online - it doesn't get backdated so do it as soon as you can.

Why is your DP out of the house such long hours when he doesn't seem to work very far away? What is he doing to reduce costs and fund his own DC Christmas gifts?

I agree you do need to increase income somehow but it's very hard at the moment, so many people needing work and so many places closing down.

I did apply for JSA today but then I did the entitled to calculator again and it reckons I'd only get £6.21 a week of JSA because of my earnings I guess.

Still worth claiming @LordoftheDance.
As someone has said it might open up other avenues to claim.

£6.21 is a start. It'd pay for your car insurance for instance.

£42.34 Car Ins
£26.68 Car Tax
£22.85 Car Ins
£120 fuel
£210 per month on running two cars, that’s before you add £90 each year for MOT and any repairs

Did you purchase the cars outright? Or are they on Lian/lease?

Sorry but I agree with pp you need to look at using just one car

Sorry, I see cars were gift

Once you're on JSA there are other benefits like free prescriptions, dental etc.