What the heck can I do?

[LordoftheDance]

I'm struggling with our finances. Just to say, this isn't a begging thread. I'm simply hoping for some solidarity from others who have or are in a similar position and for some advice and tips of things I might not have thought of. Although, I'm pretty sure I've exhausted all options at this point.

Our finances aren't sustainable longterm. Our bills come to £1550 per month; so left from DHs wages we have £380. We spend £120 on fuel & £260 on food. That's it. Money gone. There's two adults, a toddler still in nappies, four teen DSC EOW and two cats.

There's nothing I can do about any of our bills. I've cancelled Netflix and Amazon Prime this morning. Besides those, we don't have any kind of TV package. Just basic wifi and landline. I spent several hours on the phone to companies including broadband and mobiles this morning to try and negotiate on cost. No such luck. I was advised by both that I'm already on the lowest possible packages including discounts, etc.

I'm a cleaner but it's minimum wage for 7 hours a week. My wages go entirely on nursery fees for DS. A logical answer would be to take him out of nursery and use my small wage to contribute towards the living costs. However, I had a breakdown a few months ago and have diagnosed GAD & healthy anxiety. I'm on medication now and awaiting CBT but I'd struggle to cope if DS didn't have his nursery to go to. He also loves it.

I hate my job. It's an inconvenient time of day and I always feel worthless and looked down upon. I've been applying for other jobs, any and all that I can with no luck.

I don't know what else I can do. I've been selling things on FB to try and make some money for christmas presents and extra food shopping but I'm fast running out of things to sell.

We have no money for emergencies, clothes, haircuts, car repairs, home repairs, dentist appointments, etc. Our boilers been playing up intermittently for a year but I can't afford to get anyone out to have a look. I do have some kind of repair and service thing but it's still a £90 charge. I need a new pair of glasses but I can't afford that at the moment either. They've been falling off at work and now the lenses are badly scratched.

Long term the solution is obviously for me to find a new better paying job with longer hours but I can't magic one up from nowhere. We don't qualify for any benefits.

Any advice or just someone to moan to would be great! I even had a nightmare last night, I'm worrying so much. The economy crashed and we were forced out of our home and into temporary accommodation where we had neighbours from hell who harassed us. 😂

PS: Please don't tell me to get rid of my cats.

How often do all of you go somewhere together? I know it's been mentioned before but it seems totally obvious to me that you ditch the 8 seater car that drives one person around 5 days a week? 12 days a fortnight? And when you all want to go somewhere he and the teens sit in the 5 seater and you and your small child go in the small car. It might seem wasteful on fuel but that's one trip a fortnight (less?) you'd be doubling up on instead of 5 days a week him cruising around in an empty bus

OP I'm so glad you've been able to change your council tax, that's a good saving! Remember that after next April it will be a bit higher as you start a new council tax year, but it's still a saving.

@VanGoghsDog

Once you're on JSA there are other benefits like free prescriptions, dental etc.

You do not automatically qualify for help with health costs (incl free prescriptions) because you claim new style JSA. You need to claim a means tested benefit and new style JSA is contribution based.

You only qualify if you have children and claim UC if your earnings are under £935 in your last UC assessment period.

You may possibly qualify on low income grounds because they do take housing costs into account. If you did you would get free eye tests and vouchers towards the cost of your glasses that you mentioned (plus the other benefits).

Search for HC1 form. You can print it off online or call them and ask for one to be sent out.

Sorry to my second paragraph:

If you claim UC you only qualify for help with health costs if your earnings are £435 or under in the last UC assessment period OR if you have children or you have been found to have a Limited Capability for Work your earnings can be no more than £935.

Just a couple of suggestions, I don’t know if you have considered them already.

If eligible, your husband could claim the childcare vouchers because of his full-time hours.

Friends had a tricky couple of years and spoke to their mortgage lender who let them switch to interest-only for 2 years which made a big difference to them. Once your DSC are 18+ you will then have more available income and can switch back to repayment + interest.

You might want to contact one of the charity/govt debt advisory services. They might be able to help.

A colleague used to get paid for conducting market research surveys over the phone, it wasn’t much but it made a difference to her income.

Also re childcare, depending on the age of DC many primary schools offer nursery provision that’s cheaper than private (def the case for us). That might free you up daytime to start a cleaning business yourself. You could probably charge £10-£15 ph dependent on your area. Go on SM and you can offer one-off/spring cleans so you’re not tied too much but could boost your income.

Hope things get better for you soon, as PP have said, you’re only 25. You already have so much more on your plate than I did at 35, so well done on managing so far.

Ok I’m willing to bet there IS a lot you can do with your bills, I’ve worked on a very tight budget for the last 18 years!

Just from your op I would say

Just basic wifi and landline. how much are you paying for these and with whom? 27.99 is actually higher than you probably need to be paying. I’m with Plusnet and have been for years and never had a price rise. Most basic package and it’s under £20 and is a perfectly good service. They have unltd fibre bb from £22.99 a month

Other bills which you haven’t mentioned:

Are you renting or mortgage? If renting there’s not much you can do, I’m not an expert but I believe with mortgage, especially at the moment, you can shop around and take “holidays” etc I know you might be reluctant as it pushes the problem “down the road” but it would give you breathing space to improve income

Council tax - as you’re only working 7 hours a week and of course depending what oh earns etc you might be eligible for council tax benefit - in fact have you checked your benefits entitlement generally? With your health issues you could well be eligible for pip too which is not means tested, the online calculators are GUIDANCE ONLY they say this, they aren’t designed for every circumstance. Speak to a welfare rights advisor, sometimes they’re called something else but as far as I’m aware all councils have these. Usually within the social care dept. They are much better informed on benefits and all the nuances, and they help with bills too and can speak to companies and advocate on your behalf. Personally I’ve found them much more help and much better informed than CAB.

Gas/electricity - as well as shopping around (british gas are generally among the most expensive companies) review your usage.

Have you made sure your home is as well insulated as possible? This needn’t mean expensive/inconvenient changes but old fashioned tricks like keeping doors & windows closed in winter (well now really), thicker and bigger curtains at the windows, draft excluders

Instead of needing heating on at night winter duvets, electric blankets, hot water bottles, warm pj’s, bed socks so you can turn the heating off at least an hour before bedtime and not be cold in bed.

Turn stuff off PROPERLY not just on standby when it’s not being used - lights, tv, tech...

Cook efficiently, the oven is the most expensive way to cook, cheapest is microwave, then hob then oven. If you have the oven on be using it to cook a batch of food and/or other dishes to be eaten on other days. Don’t cook “properly” every day, some days have cheap to heat meals like fresh pasta (just 3 mins to cook and often on special offer) with a simple knob of butter as “sauce” and some herbs, or even a tin of macaroni cheese or similar (what I had last night was lovely)

Are you eligible for warm home discount I wonder.

Mobile phones - shop around for the best deals, sim only can be as cheap as £5 a month these days, use your mins only for essential calls, make use of sites that give alternative numbers for companies that advertise premium rate numbers, use free call apps where possible, get companies to call you back, use email or messaging rather than calls. I think it really goes without saying that the latest model isn’t essential - ok your update says nothing to be done at the moment, that’s because you’re still in contract and paying for the actual phones? When does the contract/s end? Who are you with?

water why are there 2 amounts for this? Either way I’m out of practice with private water bills but I think you can shop around? Also review your usage again and do what you can to reduce this.

One is our water supply and the other is waste water. Supplied by two different companies. thats unnecessary and I think could well be making your costs higher.

Car ins - why are there 2 amounts? 2 cars? Do you really need 2 cars? Again shop around, even if 2 cars you can sometimes get a cheaper deal with multi car coverage, there are other things you can do to reduce premiums too, black boxes if you’re good, safe drivers, applying better security to the cars can reduce premiums, where you park etc

How many dsc are there that an 8 seater is required?! Especially if you have 2 cars so essentially 12 - 13 seats available?! Ok 4 dsc so to be honest an 8 seater is NOT essential a standard saloon is perfectly adequate for dad + 4 dc and if you’re all going out together somewhere you drive too.

Speak to the DWP to see if they can help you OP 😂😂😂😂 aye right! Not how it works I’m afraid

It isnt even worth mentioning the car issue to DH because he won't entertain the idea of getting rid of his. hmm I was starting to think this all sounded very familiar. Iirc if you’re the poster I’m thinking of your partner was completely intractable and refused to do anything that would remotely inconvenience him to improve your (plural/family) lot!

Your problem isn’t lack of solutions it’s him!

Yep the more you post the more I remember! Doesn’t he buy/collect something supposedly to make money but actually costs too?

The house is in both of our names. Everything was done equal. why? When you put way more money in?!

If only for self serving reasons he should be keeping you onside!

Frankly I think you’d be better off without him in every way



With regards to council tax relief, if you can’t get universal credit is very doubtful you’ll qualify for council tax benefit- do check it out but don’t get your hopes up

You sound lovely and it must be so hard to think of how you’ve come to this, Doesn’t sound as if your DH is as lovely as you think, but that’s by the by.
Covid might be causing issues now but I think there are probably still job opportunities to think about, especially as you are yourself 100% flexible and your DS can be put in a sling to come with you anywhere.
First thing I’d do is look at the place where you live. Is there a large hospital near by? Or a large police station? If so there will be shift workers there, and some of them probably desperate to find flexible part-time nannying to fill random gaps. Ask if you can put a notice up offering your services.
Live in a town popular with commuters? There’s probably a demand for after-school care - see if you can put an ad up in the coffee shop at the station offering pre-school and after-school childcare services (in their houses - not in your own).
Wealthy area? Head to all the vets in the area and put ads up for dog walking, house-sitting and holiday cat feeding.
Lots of pensioners around? Put an ad in local shops offering yourself as the ‘lady who can‘ alternative to a white van man. Able to help with shopping, laundry, ironing, ferrying around, getting pets to and from the vets, etc.
You deserve a nice happy office job, but what you actually need right now is something to bring in cash quickly, that helps boost your self esteem, and that makes you feel better in yourself; your flexibility and your car are the strengths to play on. Work our what help other people In the areas where you live need, and then work out how to reach out to them.

Where are you based OP? Have you looked at online jobs, customer services or telemarketing jobs?

It sounds like you do have time during the day when DS is at nursery and filling this time is the easiest win. Can you put an add out on your local
Fb group?

Sorry I didn’t see there were so many pages in this thread and it’s moved on a lot to your relationship state.

However if you are still desperate for money have you ever considered adult phone lines? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1602430-To-take-a-job-on-a-phone-sex-line

Yes, working out what sort of things I can do during the four mornings that DS is at nursery is now a priority.

Lots of working out and things to consider. I'm in the South East for those that asked. Coastal South East.

@TheBlessedCheesemaker I think you maybe don't understand how childcare works and is highly regulated these days, nannying is still largely (But not completely) unregulated but most parents will (understandably) generally employ nannies with childcare, first aid, food safety and health and safety qualifications, dbs check, insurance etc now (if they've any sense)

Op certainly can't care for children in her own home (childminding) just by throwing a few flyers around!

Childminding IS (as it should be) highly regulated and has been for many years

I know I've been both!

Childminding takes approx a year to do all the courses, learn the regs and set up your home in such a way as to pass inspections (yes they inspect your home!)

The penalties for operating illegally are significant.

You appear to have minimal knowledge of this.

Domiciliary care (in a persons own home) for the elderly, vulnerable and disabled is also regulated and again takes time to obtain the qualifications and experience, such that its demanding and expensive which is why most people in these roles work for agencies or municipal authorities as they know how it all works and have the resources to manage and organise it all.

In addition given ops health issues, the fact that she struggles with caring for her own child on a full time basis (nothing wrong with that by the way children even our own can be incredibly demanding and can put immense pressure on our mental health - I've struggled at times for the same reason)

I really don't think jobs where she is caring for others are the area of work that would suit her at this time and could worsen her health which is the last thing she needs.

The other suggestions of work where she has minimal contact with others - from ironing to admin done as wfh to surveys etc - are more sensible suggestions as she can do them independently, and in many of those do the work or not that day/that time depending on how much she feels she's up to. With caring for others you have to be "on" at the agreed times and that's rarely possible with mh issues.

I'm afraid I think telesales type jobs wouldn't be ideal either as they have quite demanding targets and that's pressure I'm not sure op could healthily manage at the moment.

Remember it's only been what a few months since the breakdown?

I made the mistake of returning to full time work as a single mum less than 6 months after my breakdown (not demanding work particularly high st retail job), I managed for around a year but it was as I said a mistake and resulted in me being on the verge of another breakdown and I had to take a break again.

To be honest op I think for the time being you might be better focusing on your health and claiming benefits, just until you're really strong enough to ease back into working again. No shame in doing this your health must be the priority.

I went back to work again less than 6 months again because I hated thought of being on benefits (ironically) and to be honest that was foolish, that job was a good job but my boss was a gaslighting, prejudiced bully and I became very ill again and haven't been able to work since.

Not totally that bosses fault though she certainly didn't fucking help!

In hindsight I should have taken at least a year out first time around and really worked on getting better and then slowly (both times I went slamming into working full time with long commutes - the long commute though was because where I was living at that time there weren't many of any jobs around!) eases back into the working world.

Op is at least sensibly not rushing back into working full time

Coastal south east is tricky, I've lived there, a lot of the work is seasonal, hospitality/leisure and tourism based which falls off at this time of year anyway and has been very hard hit by covid obviously. That's hard op

Because all those who normally work in hospitality/leisure and tourism will ALSO be looking for whatever they can get right now!

@LordoftheDance I live coastally too and a friend has started her own business cleaning holiday lets and Glamping pods. Is there scope to do that in your area perhaps?

@Graphista Yes, hit the nail on the head there. Child minding, etc. certainly isn't going to work for me. I my 2 year old in nursery four mornings a week because I am unable to cope at the moment. That's just one child and my own at that. The prospect of minding other people's children terrifies me and certainly wouldn't be right for me.

I wish I could focus on my health and claim benefits but I just don't think I'd be entitled to anything unfortunately.

A run down coastal town with large areas of poverty where seasonal work and care work is the bulk of all jobs available does make it tricky for me to find anything appropriate unfortunately.

You have a car and even if the SE coastal town is rundown, there will be places you can drive to where cleaners and dog walkers are needed. Hastings or Folkestone for example are surrounded by affluent countryside. Market yourself as a really good, reliable cleaner for 15 an hour and do that for 3 hours two mornings? That'd give you 90 a week cash in hand if you do it like that. You'd only need two clients and good cleaners really are sought after.

Or use the car to broaden your search area for reception jobs?

And good luck! You're only 24 fgs, you shouldn't be feeling responsible for your DPs other children!

I would look at get insurance do something along the lines of ironing, making sure your getting around £10/12 per hour. Or domestic cleaning, just a couple of jobs for 2 hours each time could easily bring you in £48 per week - which over the month will go a long way to covering the car finances

I wish I could focus on my health and claim benefits but I just don't think I'd be entitled to anything unfortunately. why do you think that?

Mental illness is just as valid a reason for claiming based on ill health as any other condition

It's the main basis for my claim

try care.com for advertising your services, if you choose
put a card old peoples flat complexes

@iguanadonna I'm in the next town along from folkestone actually so perhaps that is worth thinking about

@Graphista Yes, I know, I guess I'm just scared about the process. I've heard some real horror stories about the assessments and how you are treated.

@Nanny2many

Can the teenaged children get part time jobs?

I think this is the dumbest thing I've ever read on here, and that's saying something!

@LordoftheDance

gosh, yes, that is a depressed - and depressing - place, though of course there are nice things about it too. But I reckon you'll need to make a merit of the car, since you've got it. There's quite a big area within 30 mins drive.

How about sending a cv and a nice letter/email to a load of businesses within that radius to let them know you're looking for reception work? You don't need to wait for them to advertise. Someone might, just might, want to give you a try for a few hours. Make it clear you're looking for anything from a few hours to full time and are flexible about evening work.

And good luck again.

[quote Chica1990]Sorry I didn’t see there were so many pages in this thread and it’s moved on a lot to your relationship state.

However if you are still desperate for money have you ever considered adult phone lines? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1602430-To-take-a-job-on-a-phone-sex-line[/quote]
No definitely don't do that.
Not going to help the ops MH I would have thought.

I agree with becoming a FL cleaner - much more money and more opportunities to grow a business/find a permanent job through your network once established.

Can you advertise on 'Nextdoor' I often see people looking for cleaners in there in my local one.

It won't help short term but instead of paying for insurance monthly get a credit card (if your DH has a good enough credit rating) with an interest free period & use it to pay outright then pay it off monthly.

Paying monthly is essentially a high interest loan, the difference isn't massive but will save you £150-200 a year for 2 cars & house insurance.

And as PP mentioned, always use top cash back or Quidco, I've earned over £1,000 in 3 years.

If you get good support and advocacy to complete the forms and make your claim it needn't be distressful.