What the heck can I do?

[LordoftheDance]

I'm struggling with our finances. Just to say, this isn't a begging thread. I'm simply hoping for some solidarity from others who have or are in a similar position and for some advice and tips of things I might not have thought of. Although, I'm pretty sure I've exhausted all options at this point.

Our finances aren't sustainable longterm. Our bills come to £1550 per month; so left from DHs wages we have £380. We spend £120 on fuel & £260 on food. That's it. Money gone. There's two adults, a toddler still in nappies, four teen DSC EOW and two cats.

There's nothing I can do about any of our bills. I've cancelled Netflix and Amazon Prime this morning. Besides those, we don't have any kind of TV package. Just basic wifi and landline. I spent several hours on the phone to companies including broadband and mobiles this morning to try and negotiate on cost. No such luck. I was advised by both that I'm already on the lowest possible packages including discounts, etc.

I'm a cleaner but it's minimum wage for 7 hours a week. My wages go entirely on nursery fees for DS. A logical answer would be to take him out of nursery and use my small wage to contribute towards the living costs. However, I had a breakdown a few months ago and have diagnosed GAD & healthy anxiety. I'm on medication now and awaiting CBT but I'd struggle to cope if DS didn't have his nursery to go to. He also loves it.

I hate my job. It's an inconvenient time of day and I always feel worthless and looked down upon. I've been applying for other jobs, any and all that I can with no luck.

I don't know what else I can do. I've been selling things on FB to try and make some money for christmas presents and extra food shopping but I'm fast running out of things to sell.

We have no money for emergencies, clothes, haircuts, car repairs, home repairs, dentist appointments, etc. Our boilers been playing up intermittently for a year but I can't afford to get anyone out to have a look. I do have some kind of repair and service thing but it's still a £90 charge. I need a new pair of glasses but I can't afford that at the moment either. They've been falling off at work and now the lenses are badly scratched.

Long term the solution is obviously for me to find a new better paying job with longer hours but I can't magic one up from nowhere. We don't qualify for any benefits.

Any advice or just someone to moan to would be great! I even had a nightmare last night, I'm worrying so much. The economy crashed and we were forced out of our home and into temporary accommodation where we had neighbours from hell who harassed us. 😂

PS: Please don't tell me to get rid of my cats.

@happytoday73 I understand why you'd mention the pets but I can't and won't get rid of them. I've had them since kittens and they bring me so much happiness. I can't even imagine not having them here with me. Obviously, we got them when we were in a better position financially so vets bills, etc. weren't an issue. Though, if they needed to see a vet now, my DM would help with the costs. We wouldn't leave them untreated or neglected.

Could you do self employed cleaning for some of the time your son is at nursery? And/or weekends?

I'm not sure which area you live in but your mortgage is quite a lot. Can you move to a cheaper area?

It's hard because the extras you have such as a second car are helping your wellbeing. The £400 child maintenance is also avig expense. How long will you be paying that for?

There was another thread about the cost of uni and the family had 4 children. Many people said this would reduce what you could afford. And really if you're not working much and it's your dh wage paying for everything you do have 4 children on an average wage so things will be tight. Don't feel like you're a failure children are expensive!

Also the think about your bra at work is fucking awful. So sorry. I'd def feel uncomfortable there. Not surprising you hate it.

If your situation is so desperate, then can you not ask your DH to reduce the maintenance he pays slightly until you can find another job? I understand this is not going to be a popular view on here, but sometimes needs must..

Depending on your area have you thought about the 'gig' type roles such as deliveroo, just eat or amazon flex? These can be done daytime or evening, and you can choose when you want to work to a certain degree. I occasionally do amazon flex. Its not guaranteed but can help top up the coffers and can be done around nursery/your job? There are also sites for freelancing that you can sign up to. Some need admin/secretarial work, may be worth looking into. I know none of these are a quick fix option but may help out even a little.

It must be awfully stressful for you at the moment, but it is not your fault. Illness happens, concentrate on staying well, your health is a priority.

StopCryingYourHeartOut I believe our Gas and Electric was reduced because we overpaid last winter. DH reckons the Gas and Electric will go up again soon which absolutely terrifies me! It's British Gas.

Your mortgage is massive for your income. What deal are you on? And you’re spending a lot on life insurance, you could reduce that.

Maybe worth checking your British Gas charges, octopus was cheaper for us

What did you do before cleaning op? Did you take time off work to have dc? Have things just changed because of covid? In which case you definitely shouldn't feel bad about things. I mean people everywhere are unemployed or under employed because of covid.

@Helga55 based on his income it looks like he’s already paying the minimum legal maintenance.

the water seems high, I know they can't cut you off, did you know that? just saying it's maybe not always a priority outgoing for a bit just until things get better for you (eg when the free childcare hours kick in or a better job or whatever). you might want to talk to them about it, say that you're struggling and see what they can do. as long as you're paying something in terms of a 'payment plan' they shouldn't get too heavy on you.

Are you able to agree with your mortgage company to go 'interest only' for your repayments for the foreseeable future?

Rofl, the OP read my mind about the cats.

Sorry realised its 4 step children.

I really don't want this to sound harsh but 5 kids is going to be tight on one wage.

OP, how old are the step kids? As they're teens I'm guessing your DH won't have too many more years left of paying that amount of maintenance?

I started as a self employed cleaner when I was broke. You can indeed charge 14-15 per hour. If you did 9 hours per week when your little one is in nursery that would swell the coffers. Get some insurance when you secure your first client.
To help build your confidence try and get a shift with one of those agencies. They take a cut so its not really worth it but I made all my mistakes working for another company (not intentionally I was just inexperienced) and when I felt more confident I set up alone. I just put a notice on my local Facebook page and it grew from there.

My MIL quit her cleaning job and started doing house cleans self employed, people are crying out for them. You can charge £10 per hour and fit it in when your sons in nursery.
She found the work by making a few leaflets and posting them through doors.

Theres also survey sites, do a few a day and you can get around £15 a month, its not much but you can exchange it for vouchers towards clothes or shopping.

I once earned £120 cat sitting for a fortnight, maybe you could look into sites like that? Or offer dog walking services in your area?

Don't be so hard on yourself, you sound like a brilliant mum!

Can your husband access the tax free childcare?
Can you extend your mortgage term so payments are lower?
Can you change cars for one with lower tax/insurance? It's pretty expensive.
Your water is very expensive but guessing you can't do anything about that.
Life insurance could be cheaper.
I would seriously consider getting rid of one car if not.

Could you get a shift over the weekend, perhaps care work who are hiring. Alternatively how about work you can do with your toddler - I delivered papers, sold Avon, managed apartment buildings, cleaned - all with toddlers in tow.

DH and I qualified for our mortgage when we had a joint take home pay of £3500 when I was working FT.

Things have been tight ever since we had DS and had to start paying for childcare. But things really went down hill in February. I went back to my FT job as a receptionist in the motor trade after maternity leave and was bullied out of the company by the new manager of my branch. I then got the evening cleaning job just as a temporary thing to tide us over until I could find another FT job. Then the pandemic happened, lockdown hit, I had a breakdown, we lost three family members to cancer during lockdown and I still haven't been able to get another job and here we are.

How local are the DSC??

Going down to your one car would make a huge difference and quickly.

I would highly recommend using a cash back website for all bills whenever they need renewing. I do this and changing my internet provider, for instance, earned me £110 in cash back. Just using the cash back site for car insurance comparison will earn you about £30 and of course you then select the cheapest car insurance deal. I tend to store up earned cash back then use it for things like presents or important things like my DS shoes. If you withdraw the cash back as a store card (rather than direct to your bank account) you usually get an additional few % as a bonus.

I’ve earned around £500 in less than two years just based on bills and things I had to buy anyway, so it’s worth looking at.

OP life sounds really rough for you right now.
Have you considered cleaning privately or taking in ironing? There is always a market for taking in ironing! Especially a drop off and collect service, and it's handy as it can be done around child care (especially if DS is in nursery four mornings a week) also you could consider domestic cleaning rather than corporate, you may not even need to see your clients if you clean whilst they are out to work.
I know it's tough, sometimes it feels like there is a constant mountain to climb but you do already know it will get better when the free childcare hours kick in and it won't always be such a rubbish market, you just need to hold on. It's not your fault - cut yourself some slack. Just focus on one day at a time and finding the joy regardless of your tough financial situation - make your home somewhere you love being so paying off that mortgage is worth it and hold onto that too.
Good luck OP x

DSC are 16 14 12 and 10 so teen and pre teen.