What the heck can I do?

[LordoftheDance]

I'm struggling with our finances. Just to say, this isn't a begging thread. I'm simply hoping for some solidarity from others who have or are in a similar position and for some advice and tips of things I might not have thought of. Although, I'm pretty sure I've exhausted all options at this point.

Our finances aren't sustainable longterm. Our bills come to £1550 per month; so left from DHs wages we have £380. We spend £120 on fuel & £260 on food. That's it. Money gone. There's two adults, a toddler still in nappies, four teen DSC EOW and two cats.

There's nothing I can do about any of our bills. I've cancelled Netflix and Amazon Prime this morning. Besides those, we don't have any kind of TV package. Just basic wifi and landline. I spent several hours on the phone to companies including broadband and mobiles this morning to try and negotiate on cost. No such luck. I was advised by both that I'm already on the lowest possible packages including discounts, etc.

I'm a cleaner but it's minimum wage for 7 hours a week. My wages go entirely on nursery fees for DS. A logical answer would be to take him out of nursery and use my small wage to contribute towards the living costs. However, I had a breakdown a few months ago and have diagnosed GAD & healthy anxiety. I'm on medication now and awaiting CBT but I'd struggle to cope if DS didn't have his nursery to go to. He also loves it.

I hate my job. It's an inconvenient time of day and I always feel worthless and looked down upon. I've been applying for other jobs, any and all that I can with no luck.

I don't know what else I can do. I've been selling things on FB to try and make some money for christmas presents and extra food shopping but I'm fast running out of things to sell.

We have no money for emergencies, clothes, haircuts, car repairs, home repairs, dentist appointments, etc. Our boilers been playing up intermittently for a year but I can't afford to get anyone out to have a look. I do have some kind of repair and service thing but it's still a £90 charge. I need a new pair of glasses but I can't afford that at the moment either. They've been falling off at work and now the lenses are badly scratched.

Long term the solution is obviously for me to find a new better paying job with longer hours but I can't magic one up from nowhere. We don't qualify for any benefits.

Any advice or just someone to moan to would be great! I even had a nightmare last night, I'm worrying so much. The economy crashed and we were forced out of our home and into temporary accommodation where we had neighbours from hell who harassed us. 😂

PS: Please don't tell me to get rid of my cats.

@chuffedasbuttons He doesn't earn 34k. About 32k I believe but it may be slightly less now as his Saturday hours were cut due to the pandemic. We have the DSC every other weekend.

It might be worth another quick run through the calculator although if it goes thru CMS they may already have done this.

Please don't carry this anxiety all on your shoulders - he does need to carry his share too

You say you can't get tax free childcare, but can your DH get it?

If so, he signs up and uses the benefit to reduce the cost of nursery while he is working. Or do both parents have to be taxpayers? Surely not?

Second/third/fourth self employed cleaning while your DS is in nursery in the mornings - if you could get a weekly client for 3 or 4 days a week it would make an enormous difference to your finances.

Sadly a lot of the problem is that your income was a lot higher when you took out the mortgage, also that your DH has 5 DC on a medium wage, which is always going to be a struggle.

Seriously think about going down to one car and if he can't take the DSC out at the weekends, so be it. They'll have to make do with what is available within walking distance.

Can either of you commute by bike, even if it means buying an ebike? Does your DH have a bike to work scheme he can use, so you don't have to pay the cost upfront. £120 pm isn't an enormous amount of petrol, especially with a large car, which suggests that he isn't working that far away.

Can the teenaged children get part time jobs?

@Nanny2many

Can the teenaged children get part time jobs?

Are you honestly suggesting 2 school age children get jobs to support a household they only live in every other weekend?!

I work for Citizens Advice. You may be able to get your water bills reduced as you are on a low income and struggling. Most water companies have a 'social' tariff which can reduce bills down to as low as £1 a month. We do loads of these applications. Check your water company to see if they have one and/or call your local Citizens Advice. They aren't very strict with criteria to qualify and could be helpful.

Just seen that your husband's income was affected by Covid. That would definitely help you to qualify for water help now you're on a reduced income.

@highlystrung thank you, that's really helpful to know! I'll certainly look into this

Please don’t feel that you have let your family down. You are 25. No way in hell should you be feeling guilty about not supporting 4 children who are of an age to be your siblings, not children! This is not on you. I’m not actually suggesting your financial difficulties are on anyone else, either - sometimes shit happens! But at 25, you should not be sacrificing what you need (wearable glasses) for a 16yo - Xmas.

I can’t add to the making money suggestions - though I agree that cleaners are in demand in my area, and it would fit your family.

But on saving money...

Do you really need to be running your car?

• can you walk to nursery?
• can you switch food shopping to the weekend with the family car, or deliveries

I know you say it’s good for your mental health to have it... but so are your cats. And your son being in nursery. So... I would think about it.

On nappies... reusable washable nappies? I don’t mean spending out a fortune on fancy designs, but look out on freecycle - might help a bit.

And back to Xmas... you really shouldn’t be selling your treasured items now, for Xmas.
Do not fall into a trap of spending money on Xmas. We all want to spoil our children, but it’s just not worth stressing about. It’s OK to tell children that money is tight. You can get all sorts for literally £1 from car boot sales. One present each - and lots of love.

Also on the car...
if you can address your anxiety over driving the bigger / manual car, you could drive your boyfriend to work on days when you want the car. So that’s something I would prioritise.

No probs. Citizens Advice will be able to do a full benefit check too and also see if you are entitled to any of the pots of money floating around to help people affected by Covid. Definitely worth giving them a call. All being done over the phone at the moment (in most areas).

I'm not sure you'll qualify for help with water costs. Your income is adequate for a family of 3, and your DHs responsibility to his first family won't count because they mostly live with their DM.

Your best bet should be looking at a meter, as that should reduce your bill, as £70 pm is very high, are you in the south west?

Could you advertise on Facebook as a dog walker? Register as a childminder perhaps and take in some kids at breakfast/ after school?

Your costs are high and you you work 7 hours per week. There no magic bullet you have to up your hours, sorry if that seems harsh.

In the South East

Sorry you are having a crap time and it sounds really difficult. However you have plenty of free time and you're working minimal hours. Many families would struggle financially with one partner only working 7 hours and most working parents get to spend hardly any time with their kids midweek.
You just got to keep applying for jobs and keep your hopes up- supermarkets are employing lots of staff picking shopping for online orders. I know one friend does 1-2 night shifts a week packing supermarket shelves- the income soon adds up.

Also I have just seen that you're only 24 and the step kids are 10-16!!!
Like another poster said, please don't feel responsible for supporting your partners children financially - they're not your responsibility and they're more close in age to being your siblings than children

I agree with previous poster - try and find a self employed cleaning job for each morning your DS is in nursery.

What about bank work? Admin bank work once the little one has started school. That way you can try different working environments and find one you like.

As a fellow cat lover - how about something like cat sitting via sites like Tailster, catinaflat or Pawshake? You charge per visit and it’s self employed

Please don’t delay making a claim for UC- you’ll know in a month if you’re entitled or not, so better to just make the claim so you don’t lose any days

Must be really difficult. Join all the paid survey sites you can. Yougov etc, tescos do one where you earn points then get high street vouchers. Lots more like that. All adds up and it’s always extra. Hope that things improve for you.

Hi op. Our local Tesco have Christmas temp vacancies online. Check out local supermarkets. You will be able to pick up overtime to suit you

Essentially 5 children including one in nursery, plus two cars and pets on one salary is going to be a struggle.

I would get rid of one car, and remove your child from nursery, as unpopular as that may be. You just can't do everything on that salary.

Would the helpful family members have your child every now and then to give you a break?

Have you considered some bar or restaurant work seeing as you can work evenings when partner is home? Usually at least minimum wage plus tips if you’re lucky.