Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

My inhertiance is causing issues in the family

291 replies

eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 13:10

Even writing this post I feel embarrassed as I am perfectly aware that we live in a world of financial hardship. So please know, I am not trying to brag and I don’t want a pity party. I just want some advice from an unbiased third party.

So here goes… I inherited a four-bedroom house from my Godmother last summer. She didn’t die but she wanted to distribute her estate before her impending divorce (so her husband, who didn’t own any of the properties in her portfolio, couldn’t take anything). In addition, she gave me a large sum of money to renovate the house as it was built in the 40s and hasn’t been renovated since. As a 22-year-old girl, this is something I should be happy about. It means I can live mortgage free for the rest of my life. However, it has become an issue within my family and my relationships.

My mum is a single parent and brought me and my sister up on her own - I am forever grateful! She thinks I should give her and my sister the money between them. My godmother explicitly advised that I use the money for bills (which are £900 a month including council tax and insurance) and to renovate the house as a builder quotes it might cost over £100k! I am only earning £21k annually so as you can imagine cannot afford to pay that on my own. I plan to rent out rooms to alleviate some of the costs but cannot do that until I renovate it. I decided to take my godmothers advice and renovate the home. Now my mum is suggesting I re-mortgage the house and give her and my sister £25k each. However, I don’t want the financial responsibility of mortgage payments and bills at my age and on my current salary. I suggested that in 2-3 years I might be in a better situation to do that, but she thinks I am being selfish, and this is causing issues between us.

I can’t help but feel guilty that I have inherited this house, because my family, my friends and people I meet that are my age are struggling and feel like everyone is judging me for getting the easy way out. Should I feel this way?

P.s. I am not a mum. But as this is a platform where family-oriented women share their stories I hope you won’t mind!

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 19/02/2020 15:54

Nice close relatives get shafted by relatives every day.

roarfeckingroar · 19/02/2020 15:56

What a wonderful opportunity OP.

You're so young and this now gives you the financial freedom to make choices about your career, travel, all aspects of your future. Honour your GM and mother by making the absolute most of these opportunities.

FourDecades · 19/02/2020 15:57

@eastendgirl234 - you wrote that the divorce was settled in Court. Does that mean they had a Clean Break Order?

My only concern is if there isn't one, the XH could come back in the future and try and claim more money.

When l got divorced my solicitor was very adamant that l had a clean break consent order to stop this happening.

Original poster
eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 15:59

Should I seek legal advice without telling my Godmother?

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 19/02/2020 16:02

Yes, OP, I would.

Charlottejbt · 19/02/2020 16:05

I'm also a single parent of two daughters and I'd be delighted if one of them were given a free house! It has nothing to do with your mum and she's not entitled to any of it, except maybe to kip on the sofa if she had nowhere else to go. Could you rent out the rooms before you renovate, or rent out one room while renovating another? £900 per month seems steep, and you don't want to overcommit yourself and end up losing the house. Google "house hacking", it's a big thing in the financial independence movement in the US.

ffswhatnext · 19/02/2020 16:05

As a single mum I would be delighted if one of their Godparents gifted them this. Not a chance would I be asking for a penny. It's not my children's responsibility to give me money.

Bonniegirlie · 19/02/2020 16:09

They are both being VERY Cfs!!! It was left to you not them and they are very unreasonable not only expecting you to give them anything but to take out a mortgage to be able to do it. Unbelievable!

HollowTalk · 19/02/2020 16:09

I have always dreamt of repaying her one day for all she has done for my sister and I, I just wanted to feel more financially secure before doing so.

This is very skewed thinking. Parents shouldn't expect to be repaid for all they've done - they care for their children out of love and a sense of duty.

thegreylady · 19/02/2020 16:10

I am a mum of adult dc and wouldn’t expect them to give me a penny if they had a windfall although I would share anything I had with them. One day the op may have dc of her own and it would be lovely if she were able to pass on an inheritance to them.

Thinkingabout1t · 19/02/2020 16:13

Do check whether you're liable for capital gains tax!

ChicChicChicChiclana · 19/02/2020 16:19

Haven't read the whole thread but how can energy bills, water, council tax and insurance possibly amount to £900 per month? We live in a bigger than average house of high value (because London) and our bills and insurance are £400 per month tops.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 19/02/2020 16:22

My dm wouldn't dream of asking for a penny of any inheritance I got.Stand uyour ground and dont feel guilty.

ffswhatnext · 19/02/2020 16:36

@ChicChicChicChiclana
I also live in London. Bills, insurance and CT come to more than £400 a month for a 3 bed. I would be jumping for joy if they were that.

The heating bills might also be high for the property as it needed work.

nonevernotever · 19/02/2020 16:43

Haven't read the whole thread but how can energy bills, water, council tax and insurance possibly amount to £900 per month? We live in a bigger than average house of high value (because London) and our bills and insurance are £400 per month tops.

I live in a 2 bed flat not in London, and our bills and insurance come to more than £400 a month. Council tax alone is about £250 each month

AlexaAmbidextra · 19/02/2020 16:47

It's grim, thoughtless, nasty, and cruel behaviour. It says a lot about a person who does this, (and also about those who think it's OK to do it!)

I disagree. I think anyone is entitled to so what they want with their own money. Nobody has a right to any expectation. I’ve actually been in to redo my will this afternoon. All of my estate is literally going to the cats home. Distant relatives can get to fuck.

m00rfarm · 19/02/2020 16:48

So ... you get a mortgage to pay each month and your mother and sister get 25k each to spend as they like. Yes, That sounds exactly what your godmother intended. If they have an issue, then they need to take it up with her, not you.

Potkettlexx · 19/02/2020 16:49

There was a huge family fall out in my family because if inheritance. Some people still don’t speak to this day. I knew this would happen as they all felt entitled.

Money can be the best thing but heck it can cause lots of resentment sadly. I can understand you’re sister being a but envious as it is a lovely situation to potentially find youself in but that’s it. She shouldn’t be making you feel bad!

As for your mother, well most parents would be happy for their children so I find that unusual that she’s trying to stake a claim. Not very nice.

Dozer · 19/02/2020 16:50

The lawyers may well need factual info on what’s proposed and papers from your GM or her lawyer, so no, you shouldn’t hide it. If her plans are all above board and not disputed by her ex she should support you getting advice. If she gets cross about it that’s not a good sign.

Original poster
eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 16:55

4 bedroom detached house in NW London. But the £800 also includes price for broadband and for insurance (building and content).

Hopefully when I modernise the house the bills will go down because I wont be spending so much money trying to heat it etc.

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 19/02/2020 17:10

OK I wont get into the legality of everything but will assume that the house is legally yours and cant be taken away (although obviously you should get proper advice on this.
That being the case I have to go against the grain and say I would find it difficult to understand that you wouldn't want to share your good fortune with your DM.
As a single mother , life couldn't have been easy for her, but it seems that you and your sister have had a good up bring.
Off course legally you don't have to do anything, but morally I think it may be a different case.
How about putting the rent you used to pay aside and sharing that with your DM, alternatively once the house has been done up and is being rented, maybe some of that income can be passed over.
I see a lot of ppl saying that they wouldn't dream of asking their DC or sibling if they were in the same situation, but I wonder what these people would do if they were in your shoes

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 19/02/2020 17:27

I agree that £900 pm without mtge payments is a huge amount, and your council tax is cheaper than mine for an ordinary semi in the south east. Once your house has been modernised you should review all existing bills and utility providers and get new quotes, cos those bills sound way too high. With regard to your DM and DS I would not give them any money at this stage. You need to wait until the house is finished and you have been living in it for a year or two, with lodgers in place, so that you know what your outgoings are. If at that stage you feel you wish to gift some money to your Mum, only do so if you can really spare it, don't take on debt in order to do so. Maybe you could share your good fortune in the form of paying for a holiday for your Mum in a year or so or paying for something she really needs rather than handing over thousands of pounds. Don't do anything in a hurry or you may regret it. Parents should not need paying back for bringing children into the world. Enjoy your good fortune Op, it sounds a wonderful opportunity and no-one who loves you should be making you feel guilty.

MiniCooperLover · 19/02/2020 17:32

While it's an amazing gift (or potentially will be when renovated and you live in it), I don't like the GM's recommendations that you never sell it: has she actually transferred the house to you legally?

GoldenMarigolds · 19/02/2020 17:33

I don't quite know how to phrase this without sounding mean.....

I cannot understand why godmother gifted you THIS house which is of great sentimental family value to her, and then puts a guilt trip on you not to sell it. According to other posts the lady had other properties in her portfolio, why not gift you one of them?

It's almost as if she wants to keep control over the property by paying for renovations also. A gift with strings can become a burden in time.

I'm just thinking out loud because if I got a gift of a property like that I'd flog it and invest the money, THEN you could if you wished gift a sum to Mum and sister, but you can't do that as things stand. Trapped a bit I think.

LIZS · 19/02/2020 17:43

So you are not currently the owner, who is funding the renovations at the moment. You cannot raise finance on it anyway as it is not yours to mortgage.