Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

My inhertiance is causing issues in the family

291 replies

eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 13:10

Even writing this post I feel embarrassed as I am perfectly aware that we live in a world of financial hardship. So please know, I am not trying to brag and I don’t want a pity party. I just want some advice from an unbiased third party.

So here goes… I inherited a four-bedroom house from my Godmother last summer. She didn’t die but she wanted to distribute her estate before her impending divorce (so her husband, who didn’t own any of the properties in her portfolio, couldn’t take anything). In addition, she gave me a large sum of money to renovate the house as it was built in the 40s and hasn’t been renovated since. As a 22-year-old girl, this is something I should be happy about. It means I can live mortgage free for the rest of my life. However, it has become an issue within my family and my relationships.

My mum is a single parent and brought me and my sister up on her own - I am forever grateful! She thinks I should give her and my sister the money between them. My godmother explicitly advised that I use the money for bills (which are £900 a month including council tax and insurance) and to renovate the house as a builder quotes it might cost over £100k! I am only earning £21k annually so as you can imagine cannot afford to pay that on my own. I plan to rent out rooms to alleviate some of the costs but cannot do that until I renovate it. I decided to take my godmothers advice and renovate the home. Now my mum is suggesting I re-mortgage the house and give her and my sister £25k each. However, I don’t want the financial responsibility of mortgage payments and bills at my age and on my current salary. I suggested that in 2-3 years I might be in a better situation to do that, but she thinks I am being selfish, and this is causing issues between us.

I can’t help but feel guilty that I have inherited this house, because my family, my friends and people I meet that are my age are struggling and feel like everyone is judging me for getting the easy way out. Should I feel this way?

P.s. I am not a mum. But as this is a platform where family-oriented women share their stories I hope you won’t mind!

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 19/02/2020 14:50

It is a gift from a living person, wishing to deprive her ex husband of assets. an ex husband who is a violent criminal with a history of domestic violence from what the OP says. I think I wouldn’t have much conscience in depriving someone like that.

Purpleartichoke · 19/02/2020 14:50

The only gift I would consider might be letting your sister live in the house with you at a reduced rent, but it sounds like she will have her own place anyway by the time the home is habitable.

HappyHammy · 19/02/2020 14:51

Do you actually want to live in the house, it's 4 bedrooms and needs total renovation. Are there any restrictions on what you do with it, are you free to sell it as it is and buy somewhere else. If I was given a large property and money I would give some to my family, why not.

Hannah888 · 19/02/2020 14:51

Another one delighted at your good fortune but deeply concerned there is trouble ahead. The tax implications are bad enough if your godmother doesn't live for 7 years but I'd be equally concerned if she needed care in the future. Absolute minimum cost £1000 a week and if she needed care for five years which isn't impossible that will be a quarter of a million pounds when they find out she deliberately deprived herself of assets. And that's in addition to the concern over the divorce split. Op, please take professional advice now.

2020newme · 19/02/2020 14:52

an ex husband who is a violent criminal with a history of domestic violence from what the OP says. I think I wouldn’t have much conscience in depriving someone like that.

Me neither Alternative - just thinking about potential legal/financial repercussions for OP.

purplecorkheart · 19/02/2020 14:53

Before you do anything you need independent legal advice. Do not spend a penny of the money or do anything to the house until you have got this.

I am not from the UK but would have doubt about the legalities of what your Godmother is doing in relation to gifting of assets in advance of her divorce.

Loli2 · 19/02/2020 14:54

Congratulations @eastendgirl234!!! What a great kickstart to your life as a young 22 year old.

I can understand why but DO NOT feel guilty about this. You do not owe either of them anything. They should be delighted for you. I'd allow them to be a little jealous but they shouldn't be begrudging you like that.

Enjoy

DelphiniumBlue · 19/02/2020 14:54

Just wondering what the bills are that come to £900 per month? Does that include staff or something? Because it's way beyond what you'd expect utilities and council tax to cost.

Original poster
eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 14:57

I have just been in touch with my Godmother and she said she paid the tax on my behalf (as part of the will) and her husband is aware of the asset and has legally agreed to not dispute the settlement after his pay-out and 5 year alimony which was agree upon in court. She also doesn't want me to sell the house as it has been passed down within her family - so sentimental to her. Otherwise I would probably sell and downsize.

Please be aware that I have a very good relationship with my family. My sister is my best friend and I am still close with my mum. She has not been malicious to me, just more emotionally blackmailing. I have always dreamt of repaying her one day for all she has done for my sister and I, I just wanted to feel more financially secure before doing so. If it comes down to it, I would rather take on the financial burden than lose them - so cutting them off is not an option.

OP posts:
Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:58

There’ a vast difference between feeling a bit sad about it and demanding the beneficiary go into debt to make sure that she gets some

I do agree with the whole of your post AlternativePerspective. We don't know what the OP's Mum is like. It doesn't sound good in her demanding £25K at all.

I'm just amazed at these people being left money in godparents' wills, is this the norm? I've never known it apart from my sibling who I posted about. And although I've made a Will my godchildren aren't included in it, because they're probably better off than me! All very successful and doing well, and we've lost touch with 2 of them anyway.

AlternativePerspective · 19/02/2020 14:58

There is presumably a timeframe on needing care though?

The GM is 49 from what the OP says so it’s unlikely she will need to go into care in the near future.

It’s highly unlikely that gifting an asset will be a lifetime thing in terms of her needing to go into care and the IHT part is based on the GM dying in the next seven years which again, while possible is less likely at her age than if she’d say, given the OP a house when she was 83.

So both these situations are purely hypothetical and both highly unlikely at this point.

MzHz · 19/02/2020 14:59

Please don't feel guilty.

Your mother has no rights to demand anything, and any normal mother would be happy you had such an amazing Godmother and would be pleased for you.

Do NOT take out a mortgage on your home to satisfy the greed of your family member.

Roussette · 19/02/2020 15:02

That is a tremendous tie for you OP. Not being able to sell the house ever. Well for possibly 40 years anyway, given your GM's age. I suppose if you wanted to move elsewhere you could rent it out. Of course it is a wonderful windfall for you to have, but nothing is simple!

AutumnRose1 · 19/02/2020 15:05

“ She also doesn't want me to sell the house as it has been passed down within her family - so sentimental to her. Otherwise I would probably sell and downsize.”

If it’s now legally yours, and you want to sell, you can. She’s being very unfair.

SwedishEdith · 19/02/2020 15:05

She also doesn't want me to sell the house as it has been passed down within her family - so sentimental to her.

So, you're stuck there forever?

womaninblue · 19/02/2020 15:08

This doesn't make sense. She's gifted an asset to you while she's alive, it's nothing to do with a Will. And you said she divested herself of an asset in order to avoid it being included in a divorce settlement and now she's declared it and her ex husband is aware of it and it's been taken into account for the divorce settlement? And by the way she can't gift you an asset and then insist you can't sell it if you need to. She's 49. Are you prepared to live in that house to please her for the next 40 years?

Either she's confused or you're confused or maybe both.

Whynosnowyet · 19/02/2020 15:08

How can emotional blackmail not be malicious?
Confused

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/02/2020 15:09

You ask your GM if she would want you to remortgage the house so that you can gift your mum and sister money.

I guarantee you the answer will be no.

If you are hellbent on giving them money they do not need and have no right to ask for, then use the fact you now own property to improve your financial status properly, and when you HAVE money, saved, real money, not borrowed money, THEN make gifts from that.

Taking out loans to gift is foolish.

Dozer · 19/02/2020 15:09

You need independent legal advice OP.

It isn’t a will! Wise up.

SwedishEdith · 19/02/2020 15:10

My sister has a different godmother and she’s in her will.

Gosh, all these fairy godmothers. Although, the way you write about your one, she's coming across as a bit controlling.

DishingOutDone · 19/02/2020 15:11

You're 21. Do nothing for a while. Make arrangements to have the house renovated (making sure you get lots of advice on builders etc), maybe even from your Godmother.

Your sister hasn't made a fuss yet but I wonder if your mother will get to her. And as this is MN and you wanted "mum" orientated advice, I cannot image any mother asking her 21 year old daughter for £25k either now or in 2 years or whatever. You have no idea how your life will turn out so wait and do as little as possible - certainly don't commit to dishing out cash to your mum and sister, don't promise them that. You don't "owe" them anything but if things go well maybe in a few years time you would like to treat them to something. But not a £25k lump sum.

I cannot believe she asked you for that Sad

HappyHammy · 19/02/2020 15:11

I wouldnt want to agree to never sell the house, supposing you get married, want to move away or overseas. Does godmother have her own children who would have ,liked the house. Although it's now yours it's a big responsibility, if you're happy with that then ok but it comes with restrictions. What so you intend to do with the house when you die. If you keep it and renovate it would you like your mum and sister to move in with you. Has gm ever suggested she help you to arrange the renovations.

ChainsawBear · 19/02/2020 15:11

If it’s now legally yours, and you want to sell, you can. She’s being very unfair.

^have to agree. She can't have it both ways - if it's gifted it's yours now. A 4bdr isn't really what you want and need at 22, and you may well not want to live in that area in the future. I would sell (before or after renovation depending on what looked likely to offer better value) and buy a flat outright somewhere useful to you, and invest the remainder for the future. That would leave you well positioned to buy a family home later, if you wished, where you wanted to be.

Schwesterherz · 19/02/2020 15:11

I didn't have kids in the expectation they would share financial good fortune with me. I give them my time, money and energy freely, in the full knowledge that nine of it is coming back. So I don't really see how your mother can justify her behaviour. Maybe just tell her straight that the asset needs time to really appreciate, eg. If you plough the money into renovating them you could also look at renting it all out and using some of the rental cash (whatever you don't need if renting a flat for yourself) to help out family. That way you're not taking in debt, not rattling rounft a big house and not pissing off your family.

Batqueen · 19/02/2020 15:12

If you give your sister some of the rental income when you start receiving it she will be able to overpay her mortgage each month and be mortgage free at a young age. That’s still a very generous way to behave without getting yourself into debt.

Swipe left for the next trending thread