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Original poster

My inhertiance is causing issues in the family

291 replies

eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 13:10

Even writing this post I feel embarrassed as I am perfectly aware that we live in a world of financial hardship. So please know, I am not trying to brag and I don’t want a pity party. I just want some advice from an unbiased third party.

So here goes… I inherited a four-bedroom house from my Godmother last summer. She didn’t die but she wanted to distribute her estate before her impending divorce (so her husband, who didn’t own any of the properties in her portfolio, couldn’t take anything). In addition, she gave me a large sum of money to renovate the house as it was built in the 40s and hasn’t been renovated since. As a 22-year-old girl, this is something I should be happy about. It means I can live mortgage free for the rest of my life. However, it has become an issue within my family and my relationships.

My mum is a single parent and brought me and my sister up on her own - I am forever grateful! She thinks I should give her and my sister the money between them. My godmother explicitly advised that I use the money for bills (which are £900 a month including council tax and insurance) and to renovate the house as a builder quotes it might cost over £100k! I am only earning £21k annually so as you can imagine cannot afford to pay that on my own. I plan to rent out rooms to alleviate some of the costs but cannot do that until I renovate it. I decided to take my godmothers advice and renovate the home. Now my mum is suggesting I re-mortgage the house and give her and my sister £25k each. However, I don’t want the financial responsibility of mortgage payments and bills at my age and on my current salary. I suggested that in 2-3 years I might be in a better situation to do that, but she thinks I am being selfish, and this is causing issues between us.

I can’t help but feel guilty that I have inherited this house, because my family, my friends and people I meet that are my age are struggling and feel like everyone is judging me for getting the easy way out. Should I feel this way?

P.s. I am not a mum. But as this is a platform where family-oriented women share their stories I hope you won’t mind!

OP posts:
TheresWaldo · 19/02/2020 15:12

What tax has she paid exactly? This sounds more dodgy by the minute. I would ask for extended legal advice.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 19/02/2020 15:14

Q

cees · 19/02/2020 15:14

I am a mother and i can say that if you were my child, i would be so happy for you. I would never accept any money from you as it has nothing to do with me, your mother is being grabby and spoilt. Be carefull of how much of a fool you are prepared to be for your mum and sister, they will take advantage as they have already proven.

Original poster
eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 15:15

It's not legally bound that I cannot sell, she has just expressed its something she wishes to be kept within the family.

The bills (particularly the council tax - £287/month!!!) are very high because of the location in London.

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 19/02/2020 15:15

She's paid tax in advance as part of a will that isn't in force because she is still alive?!

Roussette · 19/02/2020 15:19

My worry would be.... firstly your GM has stipulated you can't sell it. So, what if you get a job elsewhere, has she stipulated you can't rent it out? Does she insist you live in it?

TBH, yes it's a wonderful windfall but there is nothing worse than gifts with strings attached.

What if you met someone who you married and he wanted you to go abroad for 5 years? What if you get a big promotion up in London or another town? What if you dream job comes up, trouble is, it's in Scotland. I think you need to have an honest chat with GM

Mix56 · 19/02/2020 15:19

Where I live you can gift a property, (& pay the tax on it,) & if the donator survives another7 years, it is exempt from CGT & IHT

Original poster
eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 15:20

She has set money aside for me for inheritance tax if they issue it

OP posts:
Witsendagain · 19/02/2020 15:21

OP, I'm not a lawyer so don't know what I'm talking about but nor do the majority of PP.
Firstly get the house valued before you start any renovations. Get a paper trail of exactly how much this gift is worth at the time of gifting, that way if any comebacks occur you may be able to take any increase in value due to renovation off the monetary gift you would be expected to return.
Secondly ask your mum why your sister hasn't been expected to pay you a proportion of her wage as she earns more than you?
It sounds like the issue is coming from your mum not your sister? I would definitely sit down with my sister and explain to her that the godmother gave the gift with conditions and until those conditions are met you cannot part with any part of it Inc. Remortgage.
Also do not remortgage for at least 7 years to ensure that if the worst happens and you are expected to pay inheritance tax you do not risk yourself financially. After 7 years crack on and do whatever you want to do!

Don't feel the need to justify yourself to your mum, it sounds like she won't be understanding or happy anyway!

Enjoy this super generous gift!

krustykittens · 19/02/2020 15:21

I have always dreamt of repaying her one day for all she has done for my sister and I,

OP, you do not owe your mother a penny, no child does, whether they are born into a rich family or a poor one. Parents decide to have children, their children had no choice in the matter! There is no contract between parents and child that puts a child in debt for their upbringing. Your mother has absolutely no right to demand money from you and the fact that she is, no matter how nicely she demands, is appalling. Enjoy your good fortune but take legal advice as PP have advised, it does sound rather messy.

TheresWaldo · 19/02/2020 15:21

What other bills do you have? That's still another £600 a month. If it hasn't been touched in 50 years or whatever I guess there is no central heating etc?

Roussette · 19/02/2020 15:22

It's not legally bound that I cannot sell, she has just expressed its something she wishes to be kept within the family

That is worrying. You would feel beholden to her wishes given the size of the gift. If this were one of my daughters (they are older than you) I would be advising caution.

ADJ1151 · 19/02/2020 15:23

You have been given a fantastic opportunity here op. Your mum sounds awful - very jealous. She should be grateful you’ve been given this fantastic opportunity!

Alsoco · 19/02/2020 15:24

Are you the registered proprietor now OP?

Roussette · 19/02/2020 15:25

If this is a 4 bedroomed house in London, this is going to be a very valuable property and a huge responsibility for you OP.

Is it in Kensington? Grin

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/02/2020 15:28

Honestly, keep your house and don't remortgage it at any time to give money to your mother or sister.

Take some legal advice. Make sure you have proof of value when the house was given to you and all the receipts of any work you have done and enjoy your house.

This godmother had nothing to do with your mother. Your sister will be left something off her godmother. This makes it fair, fair doesn't mean equal and never has.

Anyone saying you should give some money to your family is telling you to go into debt. This is not good advice and bit fair on you. Is your mother going to expect the same redistribution when your sister inherits?

Original poster
eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 15:29

Yes I am not the registered proprietor. The bills are an estimation of what my godmother has been paying. i.e. Bills, council tax, insurance.

I have already had the house valued and renovations are already underway - started in September and due to finish in the next couple of months.

OP posts:
ohcisoff · 19/02/2020 15:34

My mum would be pleased her child has been given a gift that means shes not going to have the sleepless night over rent and feeding her children that my own mother had. Ive childhood memories of my mum sobbing thinking nobody could hear because my father decided he wasn't paying child support, we've sat on the dark at night because the electric was cut off.

My mother struggled too, there's no way on earth she would emotionally blackmail any of her children to get into debt so that she could have more disposable income herself and not once has she ever made me feel like I have to repay her for raising me.

I have different God Parents to my siblings, my sisters was my mums closest friend at the time but things happen and people drift apart, my mum was 19 when she had me and couldn't even tell you where my godmum lives and they won't even know I have a sister as there's a ten year age gap. There's many many scenarios where a child has different god parent and therefore different opportunities.

My own child, it was my choice to have her, she owes me fuck all for havi BF her and raising her, and I really can't imagine blackmailing her and putting pressure on her to take her in debt, having struggled with debts myself. I'd actually not accept money from her if she suggested going into debt to give me disposable income.

Roussette · 19/02/2020 15:36

Going back to godparents leaving something in a will for godchildren.... I do have a friend who was left the most ghastly vase that was worth nothing, by her GP.

So we don't know that OP's sister will be left anything much.

Happierthanevernow · 19/02/2020 15:40

I think you are being very wise and practical. Yes it's a fantastic thing to have happened to you but sadly money often causes problems within families.

Your Godmother obviously wanted you to do this as she felt closest to you for whatever reason - did you do a lot more for her than your mother/sister?

Your mother whilst I understand bought you up alone should certainly not be asking you for a share, she should be delighted that you have such an opportunity. She has the ability to earn money of her own. Don't feel guilty into sharing it at this point, as you've already pointed out, in a few years you may be able to help more if you wish.

Have you spoken to your Godmother about the situation?

ChainsawBear - very good point.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/02/2020 15:41

I will give my mum and sister money. If not this year, then within the next 2 years

It's your choice to make, OP, and you know them best, but I'd honestly think very carefully - as well as considering the attitude - in the meantime. One well meant gift could so easily lead to expectations of more, and that could be a difficult road to go down for everyone

I also agree that the wish for you to retain the house may cause issues in future, but up to a point that can take care of itself. It's a lovely position to be in for now, so why not just enjoy it?

Melroses · 19/02/2020 15:43

If someone chooses a childless friend to be godparent to their child (presumably this is a good choice as they may possibly have time and patience to spend on a child and be a good godparent), then it is a 'risk' that they will become attached to that child, and even maybe leave some money in their will?

So complaining about how they go about doing that seems a bit ripe to me.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/02/2020 15:46

Also, I'm a Mum of 4. My children will never be able to pay me back, I would never expect them to. Everything was given with love, every hug, every penny. It was freely given. It was worth it.

GoldenCrunchMunch · 19/02/2020 15:48

'I would rather take on the financial burden than lose them' OP I'll be your mum for £20k!

Do consider that your GM has given you a house because you are the nice kind one who always gets shafted by you dm

Roussette · 19/02/2020 15:51

Do consider that your GM has given you a house because you are the nice kind one who always gets shafted by you dm

The OP has not said she gets shafted by her DM. Why make stuff up? She has said she has a close relationship with her.