Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

[Notsureiftheringistoomuch]

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one.

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice?

I wear my engagement ring. I also wear my late MiL's and her mother's wedding ring to boot. Take the design to a jewellery designer and get it copied for less moolah and better stones.

Absolutely no point in having it if you don't love it. Genuinely what else is it for? A symbol of your intention to wed, a reflection of your love for each other etc etc.. it's basically something shiny and pretty for you to look at and feel all happy. If you can afford it, get it. If you can't afford it yet, maybe you could save for it. If neither, find a good copy in cubic zirconia!

Spend 2k but spend it somewhere else.

High street markups are in the region of 400%. So that's a £400-500 ring you're being charged £2k for.

Get one designed and you'll get more diamond for your money.

Cringe to wear an engagement ring?

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My engagement ring was £1500 the wedding was £3000 honeymoon including and my wedding ring was £20 something, they happened to be the rings I loved and everyone else is right you will hopefully be looking at it until the day you pop your clogs.

I don't wear them. It makes me cringe.

That is one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever read on here!!

OP, I mean this as kindly as I can, it’s a terrible ring and hugely over priced. £2k for 0.5ct, most of which is diamond dust.

The wavy band, the two tone metals (Inc rose gold) , the halo, the diamond dust band - it’s all very fashionable and will date horribly.

If you want to spend £2k, then spend it on a good quality solitaire.

The only people I know with engagement rings is my mums generation.
None of my friends have them (30-58 years) as they are seen to be very out dated and old fashioned.
A lot of my friends seem to have the view that it's only women that have engagement rings and it's a sign that you are 'teen's.

Oh, quit your nonsense notacooldad, that may be the case in your tiny social circle (you must know quite a lot of strange people) but it is really not the norm.

If you can afford it then go for it. Better to get the one you love, after all you're going to be wearing it for a long time. Mine cost 1800 after a slight discount, and that was 11 years ago.

Forgot to say that mine is a platinum wedding band with 7 highest quality diamonds along the band. I didn't buy an engagement ring as I preferred to wear the one ring.

If it's the one buy it, it's not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things.

That said if you have one made you'll probably find you get better quality and cheaper.

Most people I know don’t wear their engagement rings much after they are married. Don’t get all this “you will look at it every day” stuff, particularly if it is set high and catches on everything

If you can afford it get it, you won't ever buy another one. X

@Elbeagle If they make you cringe why did your partner buy you one ScarlettBlaize? He must have known you disliked them?

Do you know something I don't, Elbeagle?

@Letseatgrandma That is one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever read on here!!

Why is it 'bizarre' not to wear engagement/wedding rings, @Letseatgrandma ?

Why is it 'bizarre' not to wear engagement/wedding rings, @Letseatgrandma**

It’s not bizarre not to wear your engagement ring. It’s bizarre to find having one, ‘cringe’.

That's not an answer. That's just restating the exact same point you made earlier without explaining why you think it's 'bizarre'. Could you explain please why, in your opinion, it's not only 'bizarre' but in fact 'the most bizarre thing you've ever read on here'? Cheers

What is it about engagement ring threads that people who hate/don’t wear engagement rings (or find cringey) find so irresistible they can’t help but comment? Always makes me laugh 😂

Not at all ScarlettBlaize. I just naively assumed to comment about not wearing one must mean you had one not to wear. Of course it makes perfect sense that you wouldn’t wear one if you don’t actually own one, but I assumed PP’s we’re talking about people who do own one but choose not to wear it for whatever reason 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it’s bizarre to find wearing an engagement ring “cringe”. It’s a very very normal thing to do and not in any way cringey imo

Spend 2k if you want, but pick something nicer, mixed metals is so tacky

So, you don’t have an engagement ring, Scarlett, and you’ve come on op’s thread about her ring to announce how “cringe” it is to wear one?
How very odd.

@ScarlettBlaize can you explain why, in your opinion, you think anyone will pay any attention to your thoughts on engagement rings when you don’t own one 🤔

@Elbeagle Not at all ScarlettBlaize. I just naively assumed to comment about not wearing one must mean you had one not to wear. Of course it makes perfect sense that you wouldn’t wear one if you don’t actually own one, but I assumed PP’s we’re talking about people who do own one but choose not to wear it for whatever reason

I have the rings that I got engaged and married with, if that's what you mean?

@ShirleyPhallus I think it’s bizarre to find wearing an engagement ring “cringe”. It’s a very very normal thing to do and not in any way cringey imo

That's your opinion, which you're entitled to, as I am to my different opinion.

@74NewStreet So, you don’t have an engagement ring, Scarlett, and you’ve come on op’s thread about her ring to announce how “cringe” it is to wear one? How very odd.

I do have an engagement ring, why do you think I don't?

@CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt ScarlettBlaize can you explain why, in your opinion, you think anyone will pay any attention to your thoughts on engagement rings when you don’t own one

I do have an engagement ring, why do you think I don't?

Why do you find it “cringe” to wear one?

Er.. because of your reply to Elbeagle