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Original poster

Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

314 replies

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 18:14

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one. Confused

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice? Sad

OP posts:
ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 11/02/2020 17:49

Ah ok - I stand corrected, people wear them Grin

I don't think I know anyone who still wears them - siblings and uni / school friends and I mostly got married 15- 20 or so years ago, and I remember discussions with lots of people on the subject back then.

Almost everyone just wears their wedding band, which is what I do to. I guess I haven't looked closely at many other people's hands recently and I do work in a non office job, in fact most people I know aren't 100% deskbound.

It's not just work though, anything other than a plain band is fairly impractical for most things surely - does anyone keep them on through the baby and toddler years? Sports? Pet stuff? Outdoor stuff generally? Bath? Shower? I CBA taking it on and off after the first year!

I actually lost DH's original wedding band - he asked me to look after it while he did some work in the garden and I put it on my thumb and forgot I had it on, and lost it somewhere between chasing our then toddler around the park and a trip to the supermarket... Searched for ages. It wasn't thousands of pounds but it was a heavy chunky white gold ring which cost a few hundred (gold paid for by weight).

ShirleyPhallus very true - DH has a stainless steel replacement wedding ring I bought him on a whim after I lost his original one, and he actually prefers it Grin

Elbeagle · 11/02/2020 17:51

It's not just work though, anything other than a plain band is fairly impractical for most things surely - does anyone keep them on through the baby and toddler years? Sports? Pet stuff? Outdoor stuff generally? Bath? Shower? I CBA taking it on and off after the first year!

Mine is a 1 carat diamond and I wear it for all of those things!

Lipperfromchipper · 11/02/2020 17:52

@ItWillBeBetterinAugust

It's not just work though, anything other than a plain band is fairly impractical for most things surely - does anyone keep them on through the baby and toddler years? Sports? Pet stuff? Outdoor stuff generally? Bath? Shower?

I keep mine on ALL the time...as I said it has never really come off...

lilgreen · 11/02/2020 17:52

I wear it because I like it. It stays on most of the time. It’s a square diamond solitaire, not huge so doesn’t get in the way. Only comes off when I’m putting body lotion or fake tan on. I also wear my late DM’s engagement ring in my other hand.

74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 17:54

It really is not a thing that “everybody” has jettisoned their engagement rings and just wear their wedding bands. Really, it’s not.

AgeLikeWine · 11/02/2020 17:56

I would buy the ring, but I would absolutely insist on paying 50% of the cost myself.

In my view, this is the right approach for a couple who earn equivalent salaries in the 21st century.

Elbeagle · 11/02/2020 18:10

I can only think of one person in my group of friends who doesn’t wear her engagement ring, and that’s because she doesn’t like it.

fedup21 · 11/02/2020 18:20

Who on here wears their engagement ring?

I don’t know anybody who doesn’t wear theirs!

fedup21 · 11/02/2020 18:20

I don't know who worked this out or when but I've known about this for 40 years. Not sure if it's still the norm

Grin doesn’t advertising work well!?

notacooldad · 11/02/2020 18:21

The only people I know with engagement rings is my mums generation.
None of my friends have them (30-58 years) as they are seen to be very out dated and old fashioned.
A lot of my friends seem to have the view that it's only women that have engagement rings and it's a sign that you are 'teen's.
My point of view is that I dont wear jewellery except on a black tie function.

PrimeraVez · 11/02/2020 18:27

Oh jeez. So much angst. If you want it, buy it! In the nicest possible way, it’s 2k, not 200k!

Elbeagle · 11/02/2020 18:37

notacooldad I’m 35 so hopefully not your mums generation Grin, and all my friends wear theirs. Might make me uncool or whatever but I’m not that bothered, it’s a beautiful piece of jewellery and I love it.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2020 18:37

Ithink if you've decided you want one much out of the agreed budget it should come out of joint wedding savings. Otherwise it's very to just double the amount of money he has to spend on you so you'll marry him

Lipperfromchipper · 11/02/2020 18:41

@notacooldad I’m 35 and all my friends and colleagues (who are firmly within your age bracket) wear theirs!!Confused

BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 11/02/2020 18:44

Yeah everyone I know wears their engagement rings

WooMaWang · 11/02/2020 18:45

@notacooldad I'm not sure exactly where you're living but all the married or engaged women I encounter in my life (of all ages, including many undergrad students) have engagement rings. It's definitely not something old ladies did and everyone thinks is old fashioned.

My fiancé (the first time I've had call to refer to him as such) gave me an engagement ring at the weekend. One of the first things that happens when we tell people is that they ask to see the ring.

Tbh, I know a couple of men (in hetrosexual relationships) who wear engagement rings. They and they'd partners decided they both wanted one.

FloraGreysteel · 11/02/2020 18:49

I agree with those who say if you can afford it, by it. You'll be looking at it every day, unlike your wedding dress.

However, you might want to cut back by £1000 on other parts of the wedding if you're feeling guilty!

Yourejokingme · 11/02/2020 18:50

I was going to say buy it, 2k is fairly standard for a ring, but it's not a lot of diamond and it is white gold, and from E&J which is massively overpriced.
Take that picture to a diamond wholesaler and they will make you one for far less, or spend the 2k with them on more stone.

AfterSchoolWorry · 11/02/2020 18:56

Of course not! Get it!

Maverick66 · 11/02/2020 19:11

I don't think you should compromise if you can afford it.

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 19:35

@WooMaWang

notacooldad I'm not sure exactly where you're living but all the married or engaged women I encounter in my life (of all ages, including many undergrad students) have engagement rings. It's definitely not something old ladies did and everyone thinks is old fashioned.

I don't wear them. It makes me cringe.

Elbeagle · 11/02/2020 19:37

If they make you cringe why did your partner buy you one ScarlettBlaize? He must have known you disliked them?

mytypeonpaper · 11/02/2020 19:39

Do it! My engagement ring is expensive and we scrimped on my wedding ring and wish we didn't!

HappyAsASandboy · 11/02/2020 19:45

But it if you can afford it without debt or hardship and it's not so delicate that you won't wear it.

We spent loads on my ring and I love it. I'll look at it every day forever, which will make it a very cheap "per wear" item!

Blankscreen · 11/02/2020 19:49

I thought you were going to day the ring was £20k or something.

If you can afford it just buy it.
.I wear my engagement ring everyday (not sure if that make me old fashioned) and I absolutely love. It