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Original poster

Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

314 replies

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 18:14

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one. Confused

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice? Sad

OP posts:
74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 23:18

Especially one you appear to have bought yourself...

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 23:19

@rockingrobin1 Because I inherited it. I don't wear it as I don't think my marital or financial status needs to be publicly advertised.

74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 23:19

You inherited it? So it’s not an engagement ring, it’s just a ring.

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 23:19

@74NewStreet Especially one you appear to have bought yourself...

I'll try this again: third time lucky.

No, I didn't buy it myself. I inherited it.

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 23:20

@74NewStreet You inherited it? So it’s not an engagement ring, it’s just a ring.

Please define what makes a ring 'an engagement ring' rather than 'just a ring'.

BootShakin · 11/02/2020 23:21

Get it. My ring was around that and we didnt earn as much back then.

74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 23:21

A ring exchanged between two people when they decide to get married. It can be any ring. In wartime I believe they used to use brass curtain rings...

rockingrobin1 · 11/02/2020 23:21

But why does it have to be an "engagement" ring if you inherited it? Wear it on a different finger & you're not advertising your marital status.

74NewStreet · 11/02/2020 23:23

Inheriting a ring used for someone else’s engagement doesn’t make it your engagement ring Confused

rockingrobin1 · 11/02/2020 23:23

Tbh in this day & age I don't think you can tell someones financial status by their engagement ring/car/handbag etc.

buckeejit · 11/02/2020 23:24

Yabu not to spend more 🤪. I have 2 engagement rings -£6.5k & £3k & I earn a pittance now. You'll be stick with this every day so you need to love it!

Check auctions though as you'll get more for your money! And congratulation 😁

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 23:25

@74NewStreet A ring exchanged between two people when they decide to get married. It can be any ring. In wartime I believe they used to use brass curtain rings...

Right... So on what basis are you telling me that the rings my husband and i exchanged when we decided to get married aren't engagement rings?

@rockingrobin1 But why does it have to be an "engagement" ring if you inherited it? Wear it on a different finger & you're not advertising your marital status.

Because it was used to mark our engagement, between us. It's the public advertising of marital status that I find 'cringe', as I said a while ago.

Along with the really crass expectation that a man should spend a fortune on buying a ring for his future wife

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 23:26

@74NewStreet Inheriting a ring used for someone else’s engagement doesn’t make it your engagement ring confused

It wasn't used for anyone else's engagement. It belonged to someone else in the family. It was used as one of the rings we exchanged between us when we got engaged.

rockingrobin1 · 11/02/2020 23:28

So your not against all rings just rings worn in the traditional engagement position? Do you feel the same re wedding rings?

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 23:29

@rockingrobin1 Yes, I feel the same about wedding rings

rockingrobin1 · 11/02/2020 23:32

I just don't really understand the point of

It was used as one of the rings we exchanged between us when we got engaged.

Why exchange a ring & even call it an engagement ring if you don't like what it represents? Why chose that symbolic gesture to mark your engagement?

whattodo2019 · 11/02/2020 23:33

You wear it for life. Go for it. Mine cost 3 times that, and we weren't earning your salaries when we got engaged!

Narcheska · 11/02/2020 23:39

Go for it OP! I love my engagement ring. Granted DH didn't buy it but it was lovingly given to him by my nana when he went to tell them he was going to propose to me.

Sadly she died shortly after my wedding so it means even more to me now.

rockingrobin1 · 11/02/2020 23:42

Along with the really crass expectation that a man should spend a fortune on buying a ring for his future wife

I kinda of get this point with regards to some people having ridiculous expectations & people getting into debt to afford a ring. However 2k for a ring in the OPs circumstances is not ludicrous, it's the price of 1 months childcare for some!

ScarlettBlaize · 11/02/2020 23:53

@rockingrobin1 I kinda of get this point with regards to some people having ridiculous expectations & people getting into debt to afford a ring. However 2k for a ring in the OPs circumstances is not ludicrous, it's the price of 1 months childcare for some!

The exact amount isn't the point. It's the sexism of it, and the idea that a man should 'buy' a woman and that the amount he spends reflects her 'worth'.

I absolutely hate the idea of women setting themselves up to be bought in this way.

SmellyBeard · 11/02/2020 23:59

Oh god OP some of the comments on here are ridiculous.

Get the ring if you love it and can afford it. It's hugely symbolic of your love for each other and you are going to be looking at it for the rest of your life.

This is all that matters.

Aloe6 · 12/02/2020 00:28

Scarlett is raising some really important points actually, amongst the fawning over rings.

Sunshineand · 12/02/2020 00:43

At first I thought Scarlett was one of those people who talk out of her arse, saying it was ,' cringe', but listening to her I actually agree with a lot of what she has said here.

And I am someone who adores my engagement ring and wears and looks at it daily.

ineedaholidaynow · 12/02/2020 00:56

For those of you who wear your engagement ring all the time, I was advised by someone who had worked in a jewellery shop you shouldn’t wear them in bed or when you have a shower as you will loosen the clasps. So I have always heeded her advice. I also don’t wear mine when walking the dog or whilst gardening.

A friend of mine lost the diamond in her ring and found it caught on her bath towel.

Another friend lost both her engagement ring and wedding ring when she went snorkelling on her honeymoon as her fingers shrunk in the water and the rings fell off.

ASureSign · 12/02/2020 01:07

ineedaholiday. It depends on the ring - I have worn mine for gardening, diy, sleep
And almost everything else for the last 20 years. I've a platinum ring with three diamonds in it and when I had it made I asked them to make it very strong. My clasps won't bend. I occasionally have it checked by the jewellers to double
Check it's still as strong as ever.
I take it off if I'm biking or playing tennis but that's about it.

I forget what we paid for my ring but I still absolutely love it. 💍