2 choices commit fraud or be a single mum

[help005]

My husband has said as he works away weeks / months at a time I should tell the government I'm single.

Yes he has a good job however he travels a lot and they only pay him a % back.

We have loans and store cards too. Things we have needed rather than wanted. He has a credit card I don't. Our phones are constantly cut off. I've said phones and sky are luxuries and for now we should cancel. We have another year left on our phone contract.

I've spoken on here a lot about our money situation (under a different name) and people have made me feel awful. But I need advice.

My husband is right. Apart from 2 weeks at Christmas. 3 weeks in the Summer and one weekend every2 months he isn't home.

I had a mini breakdown 10 years ago and since then I haven't been able to work. My nerves and anxiety is shocking.
I'm currently having assessments for Aspergers. I've had an assessment for PIP but I don't think I'll get it. I really cannot work but are struggling for money.
My Husband (notice I don't use DH) has said if I don't put a claim in for a single person then he will leave and I'll have no choice. I feel sick. I'm not doing anything illegal. If he does leave I don't know where me and the kids would go.
I'm fed up of being treat like an idiot. I have lots of mental health issues and I just can't cope with life.

Please don't have a go at me. I'm not thinking straight. Thank you.

Tell him to go seriously dont go to prison for an abusive cunt

But you aren't single.

I know it's hard but you aren't.

You have a partner who has joint finances.

It doesn't matter how much physical or emotional support you miss out on, you are one half of a partnership and he contributes so you are not entitled to claim so.

Sorry :(

Let him leave. It sounds like you will be better off without him.

You do it most of the year anyway!

And if he is really working away that much you should have enough money yo live does he have a 2nd family or is he hiding money?

If he is going to leave you anyway, you may as well do it on your terms. He sounds like he checked out a long time ago, OP. I am also shocked he is basically subsidising his employer - is there another woman in the picture

@slipperywhensparticus this question comes up every single time. He pays for our home. Bills. Mortgage car. Food. Debt. Loans. Travel. Christmas. Birthdays. His room where he stops. I don't think anyone would have money after that. He doesn't even have money for what I've mentioned so no other family and def not hiding money.

@TheABC no other woman I know people always say that but I'm not worried about that in the slightest. No one would want him.

The whole scenario smells rotten TBH. Good jobs with lots of travel generally pay well and reimburse expenses. So why are you struggling financially exactly? Also, I know quite a few people who travel extensively with work but none to the point they only get home for a weekend every couple of months. It actually reads to me that he is leading a double life and you are it. How well do you really know him?

My first thought was to wonder if he has another woman / family?

Also, claiming as a single person would be fraudulent. Is it really worth it? Have you spoken to any local benefits advice groups to see if there is anything else you may be entitled to?

This is why I don't like to post on here. I always get the same responses.

He has no double life. We just can't live on one income.

What’s his job?

It’s not about him actually being away - he earns an income which is contributed to your household.

I don't want to say what his job is as people will assume even more he has another family.

Im not saying he would never cheat but I know he isn't. I know where he is based where he stays. Lots of his work colleagues. We can see where each other are in our phones.

Please can I have advice as though he isn't cheating even if you think he is.

@youhaveafacefortheinternet exactly I agree.

Do you have equity in your home, to possibly remortgage to sort your debts out?
Alternatively seek debt advice (many community centres, churches etc offer this free) to see if they can suggest anything.

Good luck op

Do it OP. You’re basically a single woman anyway. Get him to take his name off all bills and pay you child maintenance (could be equivalent to what he pays out anyway).

@MiddleForDiddle hi I've spoken to lots of debt companies. I sent them his wage slips. They have said they cannot help as we simply don't have enough coming in.
I cannot work. I hardly leave the house. Yet I can't claim. It's such a mess.

Is he a spy?

@Wildboar if he didn't have our house to come home too. He would possibly stop at his mums 15 min away however he would have to stop on the sofa and their is no room for kids so I'd worry he wouldn't see them.
Also I've been with my kids 10 and 8 years 24/7. I would be heartbroken if they did have to stop away. I know lots of women have no choice however with my mental issues I think I'd seriously loose the plot.

@Shplot lol

Maybe speak to citizens advice. Also you need to look at how to manage your income and outgoings - there maybe help they can offer.

Fraud is not worth it. Someone will shop you in and you'll all lose out. It's awful he is threatening you. Do you have anywhere else you could go?

Parents, family? I feel like you shouldn't be with him he sounds awful.

Hi op
Do you know how much is owed in total, apart from mortgage?

If I was reading this I'd say he had another family too. I get it. But there are people that work away lots with just one family.

Are you speaking to your GP re your mental health? Getting help/medication?

@help005 I think you are looking for a magic answer that just isn't there.

Either your husband isn't cheating/gambling etc in which case his income just isn't enough to cover your lifestyle and assuming you are claiming all you can already, your lifestyle needs to change. That means cutting down on luxuries e.g Sky or selling your house and downsizing.

Or you leave him, get divorced and claim legally for anything you are entitled to.

Or he is cheating/gambling in which case again leave him and claim as a single parent. Whatever you do DO NOT make a fraudulent claim.

Although I echo what other people have said. I have never heard of a job that doesn't reimburse travel expenses nor have I heard of a job that involves that much travel. What does he do with his annual leave? You may not want to hear or believe it but he may well be being dishonest with you.