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Original poster

2 choices commit fraud or be a single mum

152 replies

help005 · 14/08/2019 17:41

My husband has said as he works away weeks / months at a time I should tell the government I'm single.

Yes he has a good job however he travels a lot and they only pay him a % back.

We have loans and store cards too. Things we have needed rather than wanted. He has a credit card I don't. Our phones are constantly cut off. I've said phones and sky are luxuries and for now we should cancel. We have another year left on our phone contract.

I've spoken on here a lot about our money situation (under a different name) and people have made me feel awful. But I need advice.

My husband is right. Apart from 2 weeks at Christmas. 3 weeks in the Summer and one weekend every2 months he isn't home.

I had a mini breakdown 10 years ago and since then I haven't been able to work. My nerves and anxiety is shocking.
I'm currently having assessments for Aspergers. I've had an assessment for PIP but I don't think I'll get it. I really cannot work but are struggling for money.
My Husband (notice I don't use DH) has said if I don't put a claim in for a single person then he will leave and I'll have no choice. I feel sick. I'm not doing anything illegal. If he does leave I don't know where me and the kids would go.
I'm fed up of being treat like an idiot. I have lots of mental health issues and I just can't cope with life.

Please don't have a go at me. I'm not thinking straight. Thank you.

OP posts:
Ravingstarfish · 14/08/2019 18:07

I know people work away but even soldiers and oil rig workers see their family more than that

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:08

I went to CB about 8 years ago. They told me to move closer to where my husband is based to save money on two lots of homes / where he is based. But he travels from there too. Once he is at this base they pay for him to travel to work but he has to pay and travel himself to this place they are based.

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 14/08/2019 18:08

He's abusive and trying to con you into becoming a criminal. You have to let him leave.

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:09

@MiddleForDiddle do you mean debts credit cards store cards etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:10

@MirrorHope I'm on medication yes. I'm having assessments for Aspergers. I've had counselling but they don't have a magic wand so I stopped going,

OP posts:
MediocreOmens · 14/08/2019 18:10

Ah so your husband has chosen to work far away from where you live and is paying for a second home? Why did you not relocate or why doesn't your husband look for a job closer to home. He can't have his cake and eat it at the taxpayers expense.

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:11

He is able to come home every 3rd weekend however it costs too much so he doesn't

OP posts:
mindproject · 14/08/2019 18:11

You should not commit benefit fraud under any circumstances, you will end up going to jail and your children taken into care. Also, your husband can blackmail you with this in the future.

Your husband doesn't sound like a very nice person. But I don't know why others are suggesting you should leave him just for this. Most women put up a with a whole lot more and I don't know how you would support yourself without him. You shouldn't have to put up with it, but you do have to think practically about how you would manage without him. He probably won't leave you, he obviously wants to stay, he just wants more money.

You are in a difficult situation. The best way out is to get a part-time job, maybe work from home.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 14/08/2019 18:12

My DH works away, people always assume you're minted when it's really not the case. Claiming single parent isn't the answer though. You need to go through income/outgoings (included his expenses away that aren't reimbursed) and cut as much as possible

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:12

He can retire in 4 years. Really we should have discussed moving 24 years ago but as my family are close by and I'd still be alone a lot I didn't move.

OP posts:
Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:13

@mindproject thank you that has been the most understanding post yet

OP posts:
SpringLake · 14/08/2019 18:13

If you take him off the Electoral Register, and you take on all the bills (and he sends you the money to cover everything)... then surely it's no longer his home/residence... would that work out that you would be single (or separated) officially? So long as you declare the monthly income, then it would be above board?

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 14/08/2019 18:14

@SpringLake that's still classed as being a couple, he's paying the bills

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:15

@SheSaidNoFuckThat hi. We have looked. We just don't have enough to cover everything. I need a job I know. I just can't cope with small home tasks do I know I can't work on a till, with figures, anything with common sense x

OP posts:
bionicnemonic · 14/08/2019 18:16

But he travels from there too. Once he is at this base they pay for him to travel to work but he has to pay and travel himself to this place they are based.
Even if he does travel from there for work (which they reimburse) it would still cut out having to pay to travel from there and back even that infrequently and one whole lot of accommodation costs and less bills?
That does seem the logical solution.

Nousernameforme · 14/08/2019 18:16

I would tell him where to go. We had a benefit balls up a few years back (not our fault) and we had to be interviewed under police caution and everything. That would ve shit for your mental health not to mention the stress of waiting for them to catch you.

You need to fight against your anxiety as well I know its shit it is but you can get better and with children you need to be able to leave the house. What happens on school runs and weekends do you ever take them out.

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:17

@SpringLake the thing is he knows lots of people that do this. My whole step dads family do too. My parents and brother and sisters have good careers. It's never anything I've know about. However I know to go to jail if you claim money you aren't entitled too

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 14/08/2019 18:17

Why do you want to stay with him?

JustTwoMoreSecs · 14/08/2019 18:17

Exactly, why not move closer to his base and save on the two sets of accomodation?

ysmaem · 14/08/2019 18:18

He's not worth getting in trouble for. I can't believe he's putting pressure on you to do this. I say just tell him it's over.

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:18

@bionicnemonic I know. I don't know why he didn't mention this before we had kids. Also though he does get moved every 2 years so that would mean moving the kids schools.

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Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:19

@Nousernameforme I do the school runs that is it. I will take them out at weekends only if my husband or mum take us.

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Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:20

What a mess.

Get a job that I know I'll fuck up

Risk / Go to jail

Split. Go off the rails more. Move house. Not see my kids as much

Starve and or go bankrupt

OP posts:
cakeandchampagne · 14/08/2019 18:21

If you commit fraud, you could end up in jail and someone else would be raising your children.
Don’t do it.

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:21

@cakeandchampagne I won't do it. I've not even taken a 1p sweet without paying.

OP posts:
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