2 choices commit fraud or be a single mum

[help005]

My husband has said as he works away weeks / months at a time I should tell the government I'm single.

Yes he has a good job however he travels a lot and they only pay him a % back.

We have loans and store cards too. Things we have needed rather than wanted. He has a credit card I don't. Our phones are constantly cut off. I've said phones and sky are luxuries and for now we should cancel. We have another year left on our phone contract.

I've spoken on here a lot about our money situation (under a different name) and people have made me feel awful. But I need advice.

My husband is right. Apart from 2 weeks at Christmas. 3 weeks in the Summer and one weekend every2 months he isn't home.

I had a mini breakdown 10 years ago and since then I haven't been able to work. My nerves and anxiety is shocking.
I'm currently having assessments for Aspergers. I've had an assessment for PIP but I don't think I'll get it. I really cannot work but are struggling for money.
My Husband (notice I don't use DH) has said if I don't put a claim in for a single person then he will leave and I'll have no choice. I feel sick. I'm not doing anything illegal. If he does leave I don't know where me and the kids would go.
I'm fed up of being treat like an idiot. I have lots of mental health issues and I just can't cope with life.

Please don't have a go at me. I'm not thinking straight. Thank you.

Others are far more knowledgeable on the military bits, so do feel free to ignore me on that bit. If you did live on base, then obviously that would be a change for your children, but you could use the money that you save on accommodation to pay for some extra support / help and paying for your mum to travel and stay a bit. That and having your husband around could help?

Army brat and ex wife of here PLUS I used to work in army admin.

I am almost 100% certain he's lying to you about leave and income!

Why I don't know but I think you're incredibly naive to completely rule out cheating, infidelity is RIFE especially by those living well away from the family home.

Ssafa is a good call because they will KNOW what he should be getting in terms of pay and allowances.

Do not commit fraud on his behalf you & DC will be the ones facing the consequences not him. He'll claim he knew nothing and bolt!

Frankly you'd be better off without him!

Speak to ssafa as a matter of urgency with as much info as poss (as well as income/outgoings also when he joined up, current rank etc)

But yea like others with experience of the military setup I'm pretty sure he's taking the piss!

You should also be able to claim on the basis of being too unwell to work but you need good help to do that, ssafa good but not particularly experienced on this and local knowledge can be invaluable, instead speak to your local welfare rights office (usually part of local council) they tend to be much better versed on this side of things including pip claims, which are notoriously difficult to access wrt mh basis for claim.

Don't be surprised if initial claim denied, that's quite common, but if you receive a letter stating that you need to act quickly on appealing as there's time limits involved.

Good luck but don't keep believing all your husband is telling you without getting independent advice/evidence which ssafa can definitely help with.

I’m with the few posters who have mentioned he may be fibbing about a few things. Sorry OP but I think you need to dig around a bit to see if there is another woman involved or anything like gambling/prostitutes.

I am not saying anything more than it is. But if you can present us with information, we can take a look. There are a lot of people here on your side , we don't want to lie, or get yourself in trouble. The facts and figures will speak / advise for you mate.

I’ve been thinking about you and your situation. If he’s coming up to retirement and has served 19 years, he’ll definitely have had some promotions to stay in. He might not have made warrant officer but he’ll be on about £40k basic plus allowances for living away from home, for being deployed etc. That’s not a fortune but with all the benefits and a very generous pension, it’s not awful either.
Have you seen pay chits and mess bills?

Why is he getting expensive trains and taxis when he could be driving?

I agree with other posters that he is fibbing.

What rank is he and what level on the pay scale? You can look up easily how much he earns.

He will be entitled to reclaim some travel money and/ or rail cards to travel home.

He will be allowed off base more than every 3rd weekend.

As a military spouse you can speak with welfare officers - it is literally their job to help.

SSAFA are also brilliant.

I don't know to what degree your mental health is clouding things for you in terms of how you are thinking, but you have been proactive by posting here. Keep on that path of seeking out help.

I was a military spouse for donkeys years. He is having you on.

She’s been given the same advice on several threads. She really needs to call and get advice/support but won’t/can’t. Could you email them in the first instance, OP, if you are hesitant to call?

Nothing will get better until you take action.

OP have you heard of a charity called CAP. They help people who are having money issues. They might be able to help or advise you.

capuk.org/

Don’t let the name put you off. They do amazing work and I did a training course recently through some volunteer work and the people from CAP were really lovely.

Please contact the Royal British Legion

They can help You with the following.
Debt support. They will take over dealing with the debtors and either sort repayment plans or pay the debt off.
Benefits support.
Outreach workers.
Emergency supermarket or clothing gift cards.
Rent and bond.
Furniture.
They also have a specialist team that will counter any pip decisions all the way to tribunal.

It's confidential and you do not have to tell your husband plus they will check is service records so you will know if he is actually serving.

0808 802 80 80.

Members of the armed forces get free rail travel

No they don't get free rail travel per se but based on where they are posted/ additional circumstances they can apply for a military rail pass to allow them to visit their family.

But hey this is Mumsnet so of course it makes sense to try and poke holes in genuine advice rather than try to help.

@ChessIsASport

OP have you heard of a charity called CAP. They help people who are having money issues. They might be able to help or advise you. * https://capuk.orgg<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=capuk.org/" target="_blank">//* Don’t let the name put you off. They do amazing work and I did a training course recently through some volunteer work and the people from CAP were really lovely.

Seconded - I was so pleasantly surprised by how much they helped a friend of mine who like me is atheist.

It didn't make me rethink my religious (or non religious) beliefs but it did make me rethink my attitude to people who hold them and be pretty ashamed I had tarred them all with the same brush.

Lesson learned - good people are good people. I was humbled by it and so grateful on my friend's behalf.

This is why I don't like to post on here. I always get the same responses.

Why post then? You’re seriously not expecting people to say it’s OK to commit benefit fraud?

I’m really sorry you’re struggling but that is not the answer!

He travels for work and they only pay him a % back ?
Sounds highly unlikely , why would he be paying them to work

@pelirocco123 it's true, MOD get you home allowance doesn't cover 100% expenses. He has opted to live on base so theoretically he has no commuting costs, the MOD pay a percentage of costs to visit family.

@Scarfaceclaw21 can they still get a certain amount of travel warrants a year? Or is that just training? I think it's different to GYH, I vaguely remember that covering the whole ticket. Only a few times a year though.

I’m not sure you should continue in this marriage. You clearly need more support from a partner. You are getting none at all.

You’d be better off without him.

If you are unfit to work you should be able to claim ESA, that is based o your NI record and your health.

OP hasn't worked for 10 years and income based ESA isn't available to new claimants unless in certain circumstances, it's been replaced by universal credit.

Op you have had some good suggestions.

You really need to apply for pip as well.

And do a statement of affairs, go to money saving expert and debt free wannabe. There are so many ways to make income go further when you are determined.

Look into all the military wife suggestions on the last two pages. Seems like loads of places could help. Little bits of help from these places would all make a big difference together.
Good luck.

If you get pip and your mum doesn't work over a certain limit, then get her to claim carers allowance, as it sounds like she spends a lot of time helping and supporting you.

Also go back to cbt, it takes a while but it can and does help.

Thank you all. I'll make a list of all the advice on here.

I honestly think he has worn you down so much that he has caused you to be so unwell which is why you struggle to believe he has been lying to you the entire relationship.

Please be brave and get some independent information from those organisations