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Original poster

2 choices commit fraud or be a single mum

152 replies

help005 · 14/08/2019 17:41

My husband has said as he works away weeks / months at a time I should tell the government I'm single.

Yes he has a good job however he travels a lot and they only pay him a % back.

We have loans and store cards too. Things we have needed rather than wanted. He has a credit card I don't. Our phones are constantly cut off. I've said phones and sky are luxuries and for now we should cancel. We have another year left on our phone contract.

I've spoken on here a lot about our money situation (under a different name) and people have made me feel awful. But I need advice.

My husband is right. Apart from 2 weeks at Christmas. 3 weeks in the Summer and one weekend every2 months he isn't home.

I had a mini breakdown 10 years ago and since then I haven't been able to work. My nerves and anxiety is shocking.
I'm currently having assessments for Aspergers. I've had an assessment for PIP but I don't think I'll get it. I really cannot work but are struggling for money.
My Husband (notice I don't use DH) has said if I don't put a claim in for a single person then he will leave and I'll have no choice. I feel sick. I'm not doing anything illegal. If he does leave I don't know where me and the kids would go.
I'm fed up of being treat like an idiot. I have lots of mental health issues and I just can't cope with life.

Please don't have a go at me. I'm not thinking straight. Thank you.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2019 18:23

Why can he not get a job close to home? Even if it's lower paying you could be better off as a low income may attract benefits whereas a high income with high associated costs doesn't. Plus he could help with the DC more etc?

catspyjamas27 · 14/08/2019 18:27

If it goes wrong you'll be the one liable for fraud charges which may involve court and will definitely involve paying all the money back. If it gets reported by the press it'll be your reputation that's ruined. You not him. People hate benefit cheats.

No matter whether or not he's working away you're still bringing his income into the house.

If it were me I would make myself single and claim for real if he were throwing around ultimatums like that. Not to mention his lack of morals. Benefit fraud is stealing imo.

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:27

He retires in 4 years on full pension. If he leaves now it will be half so I think he may as well wait now. But yes family is more important than money so he should have left years ago. It's not really just a job it's a life style that he's had for 19 years.

OP posts:
namby · 14/08/2019 18:27

Is he military OP? If so I know the allowances quite well if you want to know what he's entitled to as it would be more than one weekend a month (ignore me if he isn't!)

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:28

@namby yes

OP posts:
Mintypea5 · 14/08/2019 18:30

If he's military can't you get married quarters close to him? I work for MOD and we have a an awful lot of military men with families living with them

MediocreOmens · 14/08/2019 18:30

I could well be wrong but don't military personnel receive housing for their families near their bases as they move around so much?

Pringlemunchers · 14/08/2019 18:30

You need to break the problems down separately. It is not able people understanding your situation. You are skint. We understand. Give us your outgoings let's see if we can all work together to find a / some solutions.

Pringlemunchers · 14/08/2019 18:31
  • about people understanding
Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:31

I don't know how he expects me to go downstairs and be normal when he's said he's leaving if I don't do it. WTF. I've not eaten since he told me.

OP posts:
Shplot · 14/08/2019 18:32

If he’s not on tour he should have a lot more than 6-7 weeks available over a whole year. Why can’t you live in married quarters? I know you said you’d be lonely but you could make friends and visit family

namby · 14/08/2019 18:33

@help005 how many miles away is he? GYH should get him back more than once a month. If he's only got a few years left and you don't work have you considered quarters? It's so much cheaper.

If you leave him remember British legion will help you, and that his pension is a joint asset.

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:34

Yes we could get housing cheap near his base.

We decided not too because.

He travels around the UK and rest of the world lots so I'd be alone without family.

He moves every 2 years so the kids would have to move school lots.

We never discussed it before kids or buying the house

My mum is round everyday helping me when he isn't here

Lots of his colleagues wives told me not to bother. They don't live on base either. They have had too many negative experiences

OP posts:
Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:36

@namby 225 miles away

OP posts:
Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:36

@Shplot he can come home more often but can't afford too

OP posts:
Ravingstarfish · 14/08/2019 18:37

Travels around the uk and world doing what?

PickAChew · 14/08/2019 18:37

Let him leave.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 14/08/2019 18:37

Ok but you can't just commit benefit fraud because you don't like the other options available to you.

Mintypea5 · 14/08/2019 18:37

Whatever you do don't commit benefit fraud for him.

You'll be the one who goes to prison.

How old are your children?

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:38

@ralphfromlordoftheflies I'm not doing it. It's not as though I don't like the options I know I won't cope

OP posts:
Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:38

@Mintypea5 8 and 10

OP posts:
namby · 14/08/2019 18:38

@help005 we live on base (well at his posting, we bought) and honestly your family life sounds awful, you don't have a husband, your children don't have a dad. I've always felt my husband was more important to our children than my parents. The rumours are honestly nothing like your reality! I know it works for some, but it doesn't sound like it's working for you If your marriage was a healthy one I would really be urging you to consider it, but tbh it doesn't sound like it is, so perhaps you should be looking at your options to split? There's lots of help out their for military couples splitting up.

I know lots of military spouses who are SAHMs living in cheap quarters, who are going to struggle as a one income household in the military paying civilian housing and then his travel costs (though I bet he's not being honest with how much he can get, I've seen that before).

namby · 14/08/2019 18:40

*there

And you are going to struggle, not who

Original poster
help005 · 14/08/2019 18:40

@Ravingstarfish Fighting. Training. Training Others. Security. A lot of time at sea checking who's coming into our waters. Looking for dead bodies of illegal drugs immigrants in the water. I don't know anymore I don't ask.

OP posts:
Mintypea5 · 14/08/2019 18:40

Is he army? I've worked with all the services and I know a lot of military wives day the community really helps when you have no local family

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