2 choices commit fraud or be a single mum

[help005]

My husband has said as he works away weeks / months at a time I should tell the government I'm single.

Yes he has a good job however he travels a lot and they only pay him a % back.

We have loans and store cards too. Things we have needed rather than wanted. He has a credit card I don't. Our phones are constantly cut off. I've said phones and sky are luxuries and for now we should cancel. We have another year left on our phone contract.

I've spoken on here a lot about our money situation (under a different name) and people have made me feel awful. But I need advice.

My husband is right. Apart from 2 weeks at Christmas. 3 weeks in the Summer and one weekend every2 months he isn't home.

I had a mini breakdown 10 years ago and since then I haven't been able to work. My nerves and anxiety is shocking.
I'm currently having assessments for Aspergers. I've had an assessment for PIP but I don't think I'll get it. I really cannot work but are struggling for money.
My Husband (notice I don't use DH) has said if I don't put a claim in for a single person then he will leave and I'll have no choice. I feel sick. I'm not doing anything illegal. If he does leave I don't know where me and the kids would go.
I'm fed up of being treat like an idiot. I have lots of mental health issues and I just can't cope with life.

Please don't have a go at me. I'm not thinking straight. Thank you.

I’m not sure what the disadvantage to him leaving is? You’d get a fixed amount of maintenance and you could claim benefits. His financial mismanagement would be his problem and you could budget for yourself.

Have you tried speaking to SSAFA? They may be able to help you.

@namby I've said twice he can come home most weekends if he's not working but he can't afford it

I really don't like the sound of your husband- if someone tells tales on you or you're investigated about the benefit claim it will be you who is in trouble because you're the one who lied, it doesn't matter that it was someone else's idea. He's not putting his neck on the line here, only you would be. It's your decision how you feel about him and if you want to stay with him but he sounds like a horrible man for encouraging you to put yourself at risk of getting a criminal record by doing this

@Mintypea5 not army no

@help005 is he claiming GYH? When my DH worked 200+ miles away he came home every weekend, GYH didn't completely cover it but it covered the vast amount of it. 225 miles is a measly amount for him to be spending so much time away.

@lorettalemon I know it sounds bad. He's supported us for 10 years now. I worked the first 5 we were together. I think because he is home for 3 weeks (together 24/7) and we have no money to take the kids out during the school holidays he's just snapped and said we can't carry on like this.
I can understand it.

What is his income and what are your outgoings?

Are you entitled to any benefits, when was the last time you checked?

What travel costs does he incur, have you explored different methods of transport to reduce the cost?

Is moving to a cheaper property within proximity of your family possible?

Have you done an income and outgoings breakdown? Are you/ he not able to go bankrupt because of his job?

Sorry if I have missed something. But does he work from home because that's where his work is? If so can he not get similar work closer to home as it doesn't sound very well paid?

Alternatively I think you need to be working to add to the pot?

Tbh as much as we are all blaming his job and him (which shouldn't be ignored) I think the biggest issue here is you can't afford to be a one income family, you should be working. You are very lucky in that unlike many civilian families you could live in MQs which enables a cheaper lifestyle for a one income family, but you are not utilising that, you can't have it both ways.

@namby yes he does but it's only a percentage isn't it? They don't pay it all. He has 2 taxis and 2 trains to come home and the same to go back. That would be 16 trains a month. Is that right? He does have his rail card but obviously that doesn't include taxis.

We phone FaceTime him at the weekends. He is in his room watching Netflix like a teenager. If he could afford to come home more I know he would.

@namby I don't see moving to base is lucky. I couldn't move my kids so often.

@jelly79 there are o my 3 places he could be based in the UK. All similar distances away. If he was in the army then they are all over but he isn't.

"Only"

@help005 it is compared to families who are in poor financial situations with no other options, you have options but you don't like them and tbh your decisions are having a really negative impact on your family which you need to own up to, the answer isn't benefit fraud.

Yes GYH pays a percentage, it's paid monthly and they don't know how much he goes home so I would guarantee it would pay for at least 1-2 journeys entirely. It's paid on a daily rate so if you couldn't afford to do every week you could do less.

The OP isn’t capable of working due to her mental health. Saying she needs to get a job is pointless. She needs to get support to either improve her mental health or make a successful claim for benefits. SSAFA may be able to help.

@help005 jelly79 there are o my 3 places he could be based in the UK.

So how often is he actually being posted and how far away are the postings from each other? He's obviously navy and navy usually have it the best in terms of moving as I know families who have been allowed to retain quarters to avoid moving on each posting.

Exactly maybe 1-2 journeys which is what he does. If he could come home more he would. Is your DH in the army?

Def not navy

@BitOftheSea thank you. If I worked most of our problems would be solved. I have spoken to them. They advise I need to work or move closer.

@BitOftheSea no, she doesn't need help to fraudulently apply for benefits as a single parent if she is not a single parent. She needs support to:
A. Look into married quarters
B. Budget more effectively if she chooses not to move into married quarters or get a job

@help005 no, RAF. Apologies. Are the 3 possible camps far from each other? Is he allowed to extend? My DH was allowed to extend to 5 years here, they're doing it more now but obviously depends on role.

@ralphfromlordoftheflies she didn't advise me to claim fraudulently

I'm an ex military wife. My husband did the same, could come home more but didn't. Best thing he did was leave me. I would have never been brave enough to leave that relationship. Turns out he just chose not to and was shagging around.

If he owns the house, you need to split and private rent. Claim as a single parent. Get help with your rent being paid. And get some help, sounds like you really need it at the moment.

Military life is no way to live when the men are like that.

@Lwmommy @NoBaggyPants
I've gone through our income and expenditure with my brother and sister in law. Apart from our phones and sky which we can't yet get out of there are no luxuries. Everything else is bills good mortgage insurance. Plus his car which he doesn't use often but he said he may try to use that instead of the trains.