2 choices commit fraud or be a single mum

[help005]

My husband has said as he works away weeks / months at a time I should tell the government I'm single.

Yes he has a good job however he travels a lot and they only pay him a % back.

We have loans and store cards too. Things we have needed rather than wanted. He has a credit card I don't. Our phones are constantly cut off. I've said phones and sky are luxuries and for now we should cancel. We have another year left on our phone contract.

I've spoken on here a lot about our money situation (under a different name) and people have made me feel awful. But I need advice.

My husband is right. Apart from 2 weeks at Christmas. 3 weeks in the Summer and one weekend every2 months he isn't home.

I had a mini breakdown 10 years ago and since then I haven't been able to work. My nerves and anxiety is shocking.
I'm currently having assessments for Aspergers. I've had an assessment for PIP but I don't think I'll get it. I really cannot work but are struggling for money.
My Husband (notice I don't use DH) has said if I don't put a claim in for a single person then he will leave and I'll have no choice. I feel sick. I'm not doing anything illegal. If he does leave I don't know where me and the kids would go.
I'm fed up of being treat like an idiot. I have lots of mental health issues and I just can't cope with life.

Please don't have a go at me. I'm not thinking straight. Thank you.

@mordecaithomas I know he can't afford to come home though. We don't have the money.

Why doesn't he use the car

He's shouting me now. I'll be back 😲😔

Ok, that's the information we needed.

If he has four years left on a decent army pension, it's worth sticking it out, if you can. That gives him a max of two rotations with the regiment. Unless he is in the Engineers or another ancillary support role, it's likely he will be moved with them, so no more than two moves, plus postings. On top of that, the Army are moving towards Super Garrisons to extend the time personnel spend in the area and reduce the amount their families move about.

If your children are not approaching GCSEs, I would rent out your current house and move into Army quarters. That will reduce commuting expenses and housing costs.

In the meantime, post to the money saving expert boards for heavy-duty budgeting advice. Finally, if you feel up to it, there are options to work from home, from transcription to bookkeeping and social media management. It's not an immediate panacea for your problems, but you do get to set your hours and workplace.

Your illness has put you under house arrest. I hope you get the right help to break free.

@TheABC Marines

No you can't. You are married, he financially supports you and is registered at your address. It's ridiculous to think you can get away with it?! Do you want to go to prison for benefit fruad?!

Forces railcard ? Saves a third on rail fares.

Extract from the Joint Services manual for accomodation charges :

Waiver of Accommodation Charges
0303. SLA (single living) charges will be waived in the following circumstances:
a. Royal Navy and Royal Air Force personnel in Personal Status Categories (PStat Cat) 1, 1s/c or 2.

(bit of gobbledegook but Pstat category 1 is married and would live with spouse or who would do so if they were not in the forces. Category 2 is someone who has parental responsibility for a child who they would live with if not for serving.

I would suggest that you need to find out what accommodation charges he is paying and possible speak to Royal Navy Royal Marines Welfare and ask if he is getting all the allowances he is entitled to. You can speak to them as his dependant and say that you are struggling financially. The paragraph suggests to me that he shouldnt be paying for is accomodation. Food is payable at £5.29 a day if he goes for all 3 meals

@help005 in my defence that is the navy!! And like the navy they are limited in where they can go (although admittedly Scotland is one but I'm sure with your mental health you would have a good welfare case to keep him north or south).

@help005 yeah, that's what my husband said...

He has his own room in your house? Not sure if I read that correctly.

If you commit fraud there is a very high chance you will get caught. I'm assuming he is registered via HMRC at your address, then there are the bills and DVLA that link him to you. It will be you who is convicted, not him, with all of the implications.

Would you be entitled to universal credit at all if his wages are low?

I would leave, it doesn't seem like much of a marriage. Are you/him going to be able to readjust one he leaves the forces? How much of a part is he in his kids lives now? At least you would get maintenance for the kids then.

GYH would probably cover mileage better than trains.

@ceecee32 he has breakfast and evening meal every day because he gets the train. Could get a taxi to a nearby shop I suppose but that would be £10 each way. Now that he can use his car again he said he will go shopping on the way ti work and cook his own food to save money . We shall see.

Sorry just came back to get my phone. Going back down now.

Can you get pip for your disability?

If he’s fish squadron (which patrol U.K. waters) then he’ll definitely get more than three weeks leave. He’ll also get sea pay that is more as you gain more years service. Overseas deployments are no more than nine months with a weeks leave in middle and significant time off afterwards - I’m talking several months. I don’t know anyone serving who only gets three weeks leave. The usual teasing conversation is about whether they ever work. Young friends on post deployment leave currently have four months leave after a nine month deployment.

It does sound like some misinformation and some money going elsewhere. Onboard living is very cheap. If he’s in a room rather than a cabin then he’s alongside and the bases usually empty completely or almost completely every weekend.

The navy is the force that patrols the channel unless he’s border force and they don’t go worldwide so I'm assuming RN. Border force also have generous leave allowances. After ten years it’s 39 days which is nearly eight weeks.

I think you may need to have a conversation about his leave as I think he’s getting more than he’s told you. I think he’s getting more money too. The forces pay travel warrants for weekends home when someone is based away from home too. They pay it all.
I just have a feeling he’s not being straight with you,for whatever reason.

@ralphfromlordoftheflies wtf? No, obviously I’m not suggesting she asks a reputable charity to help her fradulently apply for single parent benefits. I’m talking about disability related benefits as she is incapable of working due to her mental health.

OP, it sounds like you asked SSAFA for budgeting help? Have you asked whether their benefits advisers could support you in applying for disability related benefits?

@Missingstreetlife if it's all on her medical records then yeah she will, even if it's only a basic rate of 235 four weekly.

The marines don’t patrol uk waters routinely. That is the role of the regular RN.

SSAFA is wise advice

I've had an assessment for PIP but I don't think I'll get it

Sadly, all social services are under financial pressure. Fraudently claiming benefits will only exacerbate the problems others face.

What’s his income?

It sounds as though you need to build a full complete picture of exactly what is going on in your financial situation to be able to understand what you can do about it.

You should write out

Incoming: wages, expenses, benefits (child benefit etx)

Outgoing's, standard living bills: mortgage/rental cost, water, gas, electric, council tax, cars, insurances, food, clothing

Debts: A full list of those you are paying and those you are not paying
Go on to credit karma, they are free for life to access credit score and report for both you and your husband

When you have compiled this information you need to look at what costs can be cut and what is a priority

When you have a list of outgoing and incoming you can then contact each debt collection agency and offer them between £1 and £5 as a minimum to get a plan in place with them.

That will stop the letters or demands

You then need to consider, is your marriage supportive, loving and importantly meeting your needs as a wife.

There are charities who support PIP assessments when they are refused, there are also organisations that will help you put together financial plans

Hi Op, Google "claim tax back military" your husband may be able to get some tax rebate on the travel to postings. My husband is in the military and knows a few people who have hd a rebate, there are companies that they used to help them apply. We have never used them ourselves so not sure how it all works to be honest but might be worth a look.

@DewDropsonKittens your post just now was the best one I've read on here in absolutely ages - please do go through their advice methodically OP, you'll feel so much better when everything is down on paper and out of your head.

Would also be worth speaking to Step Change for some advice on any debt management, they are really helpful.

Really hope things improve for you soon

Hi,
You heed to talk to SSAFA or the RMRN charity.

My husband was RN and left a few years ago now, but RM allowances are basically the same.

If he is posted as much as you say he should get 10 GYH allowances, and he should be getting LSSB or LSSA.

He also should be eligible for a waiver of his accommodation charges (although not his food).

Is he living on base / ship or renting? If he’s not in MOD accommodation tell him to get his arse in a cabin, that will save you a fortune.

If he wants to come home his GYH can be traded for mileage or a rail warrant that he doesn’t have to pay for so as a minimum he can come several times a year free of charge.

He might not have another woman or family tucked away but I guarantee that he is having you on somewhere along the line.

You can also possibly claim a council tax reduction if he is deployed for extended periods.

Have a read of this and ask him some questions about which allowances you can claim. nff.org.uk/allowances/

It's fraud unless the only money you receive is child support, he's paying a lot more it seems. If he leaves you then you can claim. We all have to live within our means, and breaking the law isn't the answer.

There's advisors who can help you in the military, they will also know about specific programmes of support. If he got caught he would loose his job remember!