Based on our salary can we afford a child ?

[Fitness247]

I live in Scotland with my partner of 6 years in a 1 bed council flat in the city centre, I’m nearly 30, partners 35 and we’re thinking of having a child but I’m worried about finances.

I work in the healthcare/care sector getting £16k partner is on £17k so pretty low salaries but our city/lifestyle is very cheap. When we have a child I would work p/t as obviously childcare would cost more then my salary so not worth it. We are able to buy our flat then in 5 years we can sell it and buy a 2-3 bed flat/house in cash due to council discount. My family are able to help for childcare if I work part time.

I can try to increase my salary but that’s not guaranteed in my sector as it’s badly paid even at manager level but obviously will try to get better pay in the future.

I’ve done the sums and this is the result: salary per month = £2,300 (roughly)

Rent/or mortgage = £300
Water/gas etc = £250
Cars x 2 (if I have too can manage 1 car) = £500
Phones/gym (gym not nes.) = £80
Food = £280
Misc. (clothes, shamp, baby stuff etc.) = £100
Savings = £50
Child support for 1 child in previous rel. (4 more years) = £400
Sending money home (parents/sister in partners home country in Africa - not negotiable) = about £200 sometimes more/less
Social / going out = £280

I grew up pretty poor and while I’m okay with not being rich I hate the thought of barely scrapping by each month and not being able to afford even going out for dinner. The biggest problem is my partners culture ! He came as a migrant and has to help his parents + sisters/brothers who live in a poor village in Africa and also visits them for 1 - 2 months a year. Makes things very hard financially.

But I love him obviously and don’t expect him to leave his family to possibly die as they’d have no income but is having a child going to be too difficult? Everyone poor and rich seem to manage I just wonder how !

What’d you guys think 🤔?

sonlypuppyfat, yes, you're right, you don't get child benefit if you are a high earner

Tree - I think it’s only for those earning under £50k so most people really, I guess you don’t need it if you earn that much

Atlanta - I’ve explained already I disagree it’s not up to you to decide what others should or shouldn’t spend benefits on, if you disagree write to the PM. It’s like me saying, I don’t want someone who drinks getting hospital treatment as I don’t drink I shouldn’t pay for it. Where does it end ?

His ex obviously get housing benefit I don’t know where I said she doesn’t but I don’t know excatly what she gets all I know is she doesn’t work and my bf gives £400 a month, anyway not really important is it ?

Sonly - I haven’t been rude in fact as other posters have said, a few people seem to not have reading skills and making false claims to be bitchy for some reason. And rich people don’t need child benefit obviously 🙄

Tree - yeah good idea I’ll look into it

Ah it was a typo,

even teachers presents and he she didn’t get housing benefit she’d want him to pay her rent

're my comment though, do you think it's a moral thing to do? To take money in benefits to send abroad? Benefits are there as a safety net, to help those in need in this country and be aid overseas.
Wrt your comment on pensioners, they are being delayed as we cannot afford to pay them, people have to work longer, and a large majority of those who are getting a pension have paid in over many many years

Yes it's possible but looking at your budget I think there is a lot that you can cut down on.
No idea why your shopping is so high for 2 of you a month - look at what you are buying is it brands/ready meals etc. My shopping is just over half what yours is for 2 and I get my shopping from Sainsbury's so not cheap.
Cars again £500 a month are they on finance? Shop around for insurance deals etc.
Water/gas etc is very high, for a 1bed flat can you switch to a water meter? Again shop around. I have a 2 bed old cottage in North Scotland (very cold in winter) my gas and electric is £65 a month.
As someone has mentioned socialising is quite high too but if you can half shopping, bills cars phone and gym that's over £550 a month extra without even taking your socialising down.

Reexamine your budget urgently! Your over £1500 without factoring in mortgage, child support or money back home which is crazy!
To put it into perspective that's the same amount that myself and DH pay for everything including mortgage of £900 a month (we over pay) and I'm a higher rate tax payer.

Twig let- thanks I will definitely look at reducing some over spending !

Atlanta - I think it’s the personal decision what people spend the benefits they are entitled to is spent on - would it be better to spend it on a holiday instead of family overseas? No? How about cars? Anyway we’d both be working so who says the benefits would be spent overseas we could send our money worked overseas and keep the benefits for our selves, but it doesn’t make a difference in my opinion. My partner HAS to help his family overseas otherwise certain death, no I’m not being dramatic, so should he decline benefits we’re entitled to bcos some people would rather we spend that money on nice clothes in this country.

It just seems to that attitude gets us nowhere because it can go on until we end up with no one getting any benefits or paying tax as well all disagree on what we want it spent on.

The bit that struck me was this

"When we have a child I would work p/t as obviously childcare would cost more then my salary so not worth it"

Even 30 years ago plenty of us women earnedmore than our men and put our careers first. If you and your partner earn about the same why would you give up uyour career to care for a child rather than him? Would you not have better career prospects and as you are not married i think would it not be better you keep up a full time career whilst he goes part time and cares for the child?

But benifits are for people who can't manage here, not for sending abroad, I don't see why you don't see that

Sonly - it’s not against the law, like I said it’s not up to individuals to decide how a family spends benefits otherwise I’d have lots to say about others and I also said we’d work so technically we’d send our salary money abroad and spend the benefits on ourseves/child here so we wouldn’t even be sending benefits overseas but our salaries. Anyway that’s a policy debate which I find interesting but we can agree to disagree :)

Xenia - maybe you don’t agree but I think it’s morally wrong for ME (personally) to have a child and make child minders bring them up, I’d barely see the child as I hardly get time to myself as it is with working full time. I want to bring my child up as well as work so Part time is perfect I think as I think you can keep your career, independence but still bring up your child. Anyway different strokes for different folks.

It's great that you are so well organised and very mature. When you have a baby will be very lucky because you are thinking about everything.
You are both young and if possible I'll wait a couple of years and save as much as possible. Pick up extra time o weekend work.
Kids get expensive as they get older. Also if you save you can afford to stay longer at home.
Best of luck.

Colb - thank you !! 😀

Fitness, I said the child's father- your partner - brings it up. I did not say child minders. Also why is a child minder worse than your own family - parents etc who will look after it when you go back part time?

Why can't the father look after the child? You earn about the same so why you stopping work not him? It just seems incredibly sexist to me .

i agree people can spend benefits how they choose unless the rules say otherwise. tehre has been just been litigation in the US where a religious group pooled all benefits and then shared them (although as ever the leaders dined on lobster whilst those not in favour had beans and rice only).... but in that case the US rules say food stamps must go to the individual and they breached the rules. It was quite an interesting moral and legal issue actually.

I'm in awe at you partner's ability to stretch a low salary so far; Out of take home pay of 1200 he manages to send home 200, pay child support of 400, pay a car loan of 150, on top of day to day living costs, and still manages to pay for a yearly flight back to an (unidentified) African war zone. Plus he has an employer who allows him to take leave in blocks of 1-2 months.

Maybe he should be on here offering advice?

Sonly so you believe her husband’s parents should die then? Yes or no?

Many immigrants send money home monthly to help their families, it’s a different culture, get over it. IF they are using benefits money to send abroad (remember they both work), I think that’s a much better use of money than using it for holidays for example which you’d cdefinitely complain about also

a lot of people on benefits cannot afford holidays - and if they do manage, they wont spend anything like £2,400 (which is what your partner is sending abroad every year)

yes - its a good thing that he wants to send money back to protect his family, but really, you shouldn't be claiming benefits if you have that much money left over at the end of the month - benefits are to help you in your rough times.

No one is saying the partner shouldn't be sending money home, what they are saying is that they shouldn't be claiming benefits to do it

Xenia- fair enough, we all have different opinions. I hate sexism so I agree women shouldn’t be made to stay at home but for us, my partner earns slightly more then me and isn’t suited to staying home all the time and I’d like to work part time as part time look after my child. But everyone’s different I agree

Alison - I know so am I I really couldn’t do what he does! He works very hard though :)

Jim ham - excatly thank you !! Some people are so selfish I can’t imagine how anyone would allow their own family to die bcos they wanna use the money for a nice holiday or clothes.

Atlanta- at the moment neither of us are on benefits but just because we manage our money well shouldn’t we spend what we like? Let me be clear; if my partner was homeless, getting £10 a day working in a kebab shop all day he would still send money home so his parents don’t DIE. He’s not evil. And let’s not turn this into a policy discussion, if we’ve paid into the system and then are entitled to benefit we will spend it how we see fit and it’s not up to you.

For all I care you can send all your money abroad you can go over there and stop for me but to claim benefits to send there is morally wrong

Sonly - okay well I didn’t ask for your opinion on the welfare system why hijack this thread to make it about your own personal beliefs. Thanks anyway