Should I refuse to pay half?

[plaintomatopasta]

We are moving house soon and part of the sale money will pay off our credit cards and my overdraft. My dh has said then we can just pay for everything 50/50 from the joint account.

He said we should each have our own bank account but pay into the joint for the mortgage and bills 50/50. I asked if this would be proportionally and he said no. To make it fair we should just split it all 50/50. Is this fair? Am I being right or wrong by saying I don't want to pay an equal half?

He sounds like a keeper. 👎🏻

the more you post, the worse it sounds. He sounds financially abusive and as things stand, you'd be better off if you divorced him and got maintenance. Seriously.

"I've had to pay for everything whilst you've been off work"

And the answer to that is: Looking after OUR child!

Do the sums and ask him if he honestly thinks it's fair that 50% of all costs come out of your wage which is substantially lower than his, due to the fact that you are keeping childcare costs down by only working PT?

If he does then I'd be having a serious think about whether to stay with such a selfish dickhead.

I am sorry but this is not a partnership. Stand firm. He needs to pay more. I suggest 2/3 to 1/3 from you.
Also make sure you are putting money away for your pension.
BTW you were off having his child so he can fuck off with that comment.

Oh OP, he sounds very much like my ex. He assumed GPs were there to provide round the clock free childcare for him, whether I agreed with this or not. Horrible disrespectful attitude towards them and you, so what he's had to pay for everything, that's what his salary is there for when you start a family! Makes me so cross to hear this

He's a selfish bastard and a shit husband.

We've only been married less than a year and being a tight arse isn't really grounds for divorce.

He's just not used to sharing and I think he's trying to make a point because I called him a chauvinist when he said I was choosing to work and he would rather we prioritised our son. However he wants to move and the only way we can do this is if I have a wage coming in. He's agreed because it's only a term till DS is in school.

I am grateful for the fact I have spent two and a half years with my baby and he's looked after us. I WANT to contribute when I'm working but I think it should be proportional and not a 50/50 financial split of the outgoings. I need money for pens!

He sounds a tight fisted misery. And I say that as someone who budgets to the pound.

You should have the same amount of cash left after paying off bills/adding to savings.

No it's not appropriate for you to do the majority of childcare/cleaning/running the house, then work part time and then also pay half the bills/mortgage.

Basicly he wants all his cash for himself (wonderful family man!) and he gets to do very little domestically or care wise.

OP, you are grateful but he should also be grateful to you for being there for your son, which it doesn't sound like he is.

You were off work on maternity leave with HIS CHILD, it's not like you took time off to swan around the world. And he is basically saying that you are not allowed to have paid-for childcare but you also must earn a full-time wage and it's up to you to make the impossible a reality. FUCK THAT! Honestly, pay what you think is fair into the joint account and if he so much as whispers a complaint withdraw everything, no laundry, cooking, picking up after him, buy just enough food daily to feed you and DS (with your own money) so there is nothing left in the fridge or cupboard for him. And if he complains about any of that, piss in his shoes.

I'd sit down with a list of jobs and child care that needs covering and ask him to put his name next to half the things.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar 😂 I'll leave the pissing in shoes to my small friend! He's only two but a good aim!

He's being ridiculously unfair. Did you force him into having DC? I suspect not. A fundamental shift in his attitude to money is needed otherwise your future looks bleak.

I pay childcare costs because he is of the belief we don't need someone else bringing our son up

He should stop working and look after him then.

A son with good aim is more precious than rubies.

Unless you mean the split will be 50% of his wages and 50% of your wages into the joint account each month - to cover all bills including childcare, then he is a complete twat.

How on earth does he see it as fair that you should pay 50% of all household bills plus childcare on one part-time wage while he has wads of cash in his own personal account each month .

Have you ever pointed out that your own earning potential has been hampered by providing him with free childcare for the past 4 or more years? You could probably be earning a similar wage to him had you continued to work full-time after each maternity leave, but you stayed at home with the DCs by (presumably) mutual agreement.

He cannot now be allowed to punish you for that mutual decision!

Intransige, he just doesn't want to pay for it, that's all. It's purely financially motivated. Nothing to do with what's best for the family.

OP, I wish I'd posted the same thing several years ago. As it happens I didn't question it, I just went along with it, blindly trusting him and by the time I left, it was very messy. I'm glad this may open your eyes to the truth about his behaviour.

I once had the bright idea to work out how much money I had saved him by the fact we never bought any formula (29mths bf) and never bought a disposable nappy (£115 initial outlay). I asked for the money I'd saved us as well as in childcare costs and he said it was my choice!

I'm currently altering his trousers (he has short legs)... should I make one shorter than the other 😆

Tick, tick, tick...I did all the money saving things in the book too - getting hand me downs, second hand stuff from anywhere and everywhere, doing everything myself, diy, trying any which way to save money. Now I look back, it's it because we didn't have enough money as a family, it's because I didn't have access to it, and he got used to my money saving ways, assuming the costs to run a home are very low - when in fact that's utterly untrue.

Just seal them up at each ankle. Least the financially abusive twat deserves.

Sparkle