Should I refuse to pay half?

[plaintomatopasta]

We are moving house soon and part of the sale money will pay off our credit cards and my overdraft. My dh has said then we can just pay for everything 50/50 from the joint account.

He said we should each have our own bank account but pay into the joint for the mortgage and bills 50/50. I asked if this would be proportionally and he said no. To make it fair we should just split it all 50/50. Is this fair? Am I being right or wrong by saying I don't want to pay an equal half?

Sorry @NoSquirrels I was in lessons.

I genuinely think he's being quite serious. I didn't tell him I was leaving and he did the bank thing. I said yesterday we needed some time apart to reevaluate the relationship before going forward and he agreed that if that's what I want he will do what he can. So he moved out and then came back this morning early so I could get ready for work (he's still on holiday till Monday). Even when we lived together he used to stay in bed as long as possible so I was doing everything.

What confuses me is he has had no prompts to do these things except seeing how my parents treat me.

I know there's more issues than just the ones about money but I think if I wrote them all down (I get upset and forget) and said we should go see someone so we can talk and someone else can see the problems it would really help. Right now he struggles to see my side sometimes and until he saw it firsthand always thought I was just being jealous about my golden child brother. Turns out he was disgusted by the way my mum speaks to me and treats us all very differently with me taking the negativity.

I honestly don't know what to do

It's ok to not know what to do right this second, this week, this month, give yourself some time to see how things go and whether this "miraculous" turn-about really does look like a change of heart. If theres an ulterior motive or its an act, the truth will no doubt reveal itself soon enough.

As I said much earlier in the thread, if it were me I would postpone the house buying/move for at least 6 months and see how things stand in the meantime.

He has sounded like a dreadful man child veering into abusive controlling behaviour. But I don't know him except through what you've posted and of course it is possible for people to change, to grow up, to learn not to be selfish and self centred. Taking time to decide this is OK - you don't need to have all the answers and you certainly don't need to leave just in the say so of people from the internet.

Take time, suggest counselling, get a grip on the finances together, and what you want in terms of effort & commitment from him. Go from there. Just realise people truly changing is a long tough road, even with best intentions people tend to slip into old habits, old patterns. You'll both need to find a new way to relate and change if your relationship is to succeed.

Could he have found this thread? There are a tremendous number of people on here who have made it quite clear that he's been an utter ass and you should leave him for his selfish behaviour...

I doubt it @BewareOfDragons because he doesn't even know I'm on mumsnet. Also he would have gone mad because he hates me even talking to my friends sometimes about personal stuff let alone strangers online.

If he had though I don't think he would change because if it. He would just hate me