Debt Number 3 : For those who feel they are drowning and want a way out

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then
SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.

No holiday here either for the foreseeable future. Need to put every spare penny towards our debt. Not budgeted for any treats but am going to put money away for clothes and shoes for dd and for birthday and Christmas presents, car tax and mot etc. (Can't start til dh gets first wage at the end of the month- hopefully! )

I can't persuade dh to camp, he says camping isn't a holiday

Another one feeling shitty here. I'm fed up thinking about this stuff. Part of me thinks "Sod it, I have an excellent credit rating. I could just keep on spending forever, provided I always made the minimum payments." We liken paying off debts to going on a diet. Well, I can't imagine being debt free any more than I can imagine being thin.

So, harking back to the £1600 I confessed to putting on my credit card this month - it wasn't even anything exciting. DH got statutory paternity pay for half of this month so his pay was rubbish, we needed to get things like maternity pads, breast pads, nappies for the baby. The only "treat" thing we got, if you will, was a new sofa. We have been minimalizing for a couple of years now (waves to MissA) and so when our old sofa bit the dust ages ago we didn't replace it. We have been using camping chairs and bean bags but now that I am breastfeeding a decent place to sit was kind of essential. Hey presto, £1600 in total back on the card. That takes us back to about the 1st Feb in terms of what we have accomplished with the debt. Miserable.

I may have to agree with your DH there Kazza! Maybe glamping at a stretch I just never sleep well and it's SO cold x

Pixie breastfeeding on a camping stool creates quite a uncomfortable picture! How is the newborn?

Gorgeously fat and thriving, thanks Golden!

Ah, but in my head, MyGolden,I have images of sitting round a campfire at night, food on the bbq, beer in hand, children asleep in blankets next to me, everything peaceful around me, and waking up the next morning to glorious sunshine and fresh bread and coffee for breakfast. In reality I know it would be raining and full of ants and I'd ache all over and be unable to sleep!

Just checked my balance and my O/D is down from £1650 to £800. I don't think it's ever been that low! I'm hoping dh's car won't cost too much to repair and I might be able to pay some more off.

Now I'm going to have another look at the spreadsheets linked in OP and see if I can set one off to show how much debt we have left to pay off and how long it will take! We are lucky as all are set to 0% interest, but still I need something to help me see that we are getting somewhere.

kazza

Pixie I just love fat babies. Their lovely cheeks and milky little sighs.

NSD here - mainly because there's no money to spend!

I am doing exam marking at the end of this month - apparently you get paid quite soon afterwards? Intend to use the whole lot to bring my OD down to £1000 - I've been living in it for nearly 10 years so this will be a huge improvement. Seems a much more manageable amount.

Well done kazza!

Thanks

Woohoo, Kazza! Exam marking sounds promising too, Golden. I need to think of ways like that to bring in more income. I'm signed up and 'trained' did a crappy e-learning thing to be a McDonalds mystery shopper, but I usually go with DS and to do the mystery shopping, you have to go by yourself. It would involve paying out for a meal too, but I worked out the cheapest allowed option and I'd make £5 - £6 profit. I might give it a go this month.

We ended up having a Happy Meal each, as DP got some unexpected birthday money and wanted to treat me and him too. We bought the pans we needed from Asda as well.

This really will out me if anyone IRL reads this, but another reason we're struggling so much is that we're getting married next month. Everything has been done on a budget tighter than a hipster's skinny jeans and my family are helping a lot (it's a very 'do it ourselves' sort of wedding) but we're panicking that we're invited all these people and won't have enough cash to feed them sandwiches after the ceremony. We WILL, but the panic is there, IFYSWIM?

Hang on in there all those feeling down.

Its hard, especially when kids are small and they get filthy every day and grow every night.

What I can strongly suggest is :
Charity Shops / Freecycle / Facebay / Gumtree / Ebay
There is no shame in buying second hand.
FFS Antiques are 9th hand usually.
Adult clothes : good quality ones turn up in charity shops. I buy Next jeans for £4 a pair and my three Boden tops cost a tenner all up.
Kids clothes : you can often buy by the bag - especially from ebay
Shoes : kids shoes are an utter rip off for the under 4's so buy them at an NCT sale
Adult shoes : have a look at charity shops. There are some nice pairs for under £5 - especially boring work ones.
Furniture : only buy new if you have no debt : British Heart Foundation, Emmaeus and Oxfam all have furniture shops. And ebay is FAB.

BUT
It will get better - and if you get into the habit of being tight fisted with what need not be new, it leaves you more cash for what WILL be new.

Holidays : yup, you'll not get one every year. Save them for when the kids are old enough to really remember.

Iamthegod
Congrats on the wedding .....
Lidl frozen canapes / Sainsburys platters / trays of crudites and dips and piles of sliced baguette
sorted

IAmTheGod, congratulations I'm sure it'll be fine

Ydd is 13 , has had very few hols, only once to Eurocamp in France for a week, otherwise the odd weekend on a Haven site or Centerparcs out of season. I would love to take her to some faraway countries, but it just isn't going to happen for a while.
We might go to stay with MIL in south Wales in the summer for a weekend though if dh's car has been repaired by then.

I got DD 4 T-shirts yesterday in charity shops. Total cost £10. Took some trawling but she was really pleased (wasn't with me at the time). She's 7, so I've only got so long before she'll really understand.

I hope that I'll be able to teach her the value of money etc etc and she'll be happy to continue, but I have to be realistic!

Today DH and I went to the pub for a couple of drinks. 6 months ago we'd have ordered food and stayed all day. As it was it came in at under £20 so we're within budget (kids are with their dad)

We walked to the pub and had a good conversation about money and debts. We're still not completely on the same page but he's very 'compliant' and I'm sort of leading by example.

It's slightly tricky as he earns twice what I do, and I have 2 children by a previous marriage. He's never had to compromise on material things. He's very ready and willing to get out of (my) debt, but I do think I need to tread carefully.

To the person getting married next month... I can throw roughly recommend NOT having a gift list or requesting money/vouchers. We got £1800 given to us. The wedding was tiny, so many of these people didn't even get invited

'Twas unbelievable!

We've not asked for gifts or had a little poem or anything. No gift list. We invited the majority over Facebook by setting up an event (and some cheap card invites for the offline relatives). People have been asking and we've just deflected so far, mainly because so many of my friends are spending a lot of money to travel to us and stay in a hotel and have made a real effort to come. I genuinely don't expect anything, so if people want to give gifts, they can, but I have been amazed at the number of people who are putting themselves out to be able to attend.

Some people have specific dietary requirements and have offered to cook/bake something to suit, so I've gratefully accepted those offers. My parents are paying for a caterer to do an evening buffet. The venue hire was free apart from having to pay for and use their DJ and we're getting married late afternoon, so the plan is to do lots of sandwiches and cake to tide people over.

I wish we could do the canapé thing with the veg, but we have to prepare the food in the venue just before we get ready for the ceremony as there's nowhere to cook it or safely store it for more than a few hours, hence the sandwiches as they'll be ok at room temperature.

waves at pixie

NSD today. Can't wait til Wednesday to find out about the savings account.

MyGolden - I know what you mean. DH & I have decent jobs with a decent income and yet have very little for ourselves out of it.
I have been thinking about things alot since joining this thread and although I'm determined to try and improve our situation, I can 't feeling a bit down when all my friends are jetting off on hols or buying new houses.

This may sound awful but I do at times feel a bit resentful to dh as the largest debt we have is what he had before I knew him. He hid it from me for a year as thought I would leave him and then told me as we got more serious about being together. He had about £50k of debts on various cc's. I loved him and so said we'd sort it out but there are times when I think me and my are dc are missing out on certain things because of this. I feel awful for sometimes thinking like this but I can't help it and I wouldn't tell him as he would feel awful. I try not to dwell on it and think of the positives like he is a good and loving dh & father.

I also need new work clothes as most of mine are too small after having dc. I feel so shabby only having a handful of clothes to wear at work especially when the people in my team are all in lovely trendy different outfits every day.
I have looked online but clothes just seem so much money for what you get in places like Next & M&S.
Any recommendations for work clothes on a budget? I do look in charity shops but never found anything and I've made a few ebay errors!

jemster
turn it around as you look at it
many of your 'jetting off' "friends" still have their heads in the sand about their debts.
You and your DH are building a relationship through hard times based on honesty with each other, yourselves and your kids.
That will stand you in good stead in 40 years.

Charity shop work clothes : ask at the desk - they often do not put suits etc out
TK Maxx
dress agency shops
I get Jaeger by going in and asking : its not on show as its not "trendy" but its incredibly well made, comfortable and lets you accessorise with other bits

Can I join?? I have spent the last week reading the entire thread from the start and have already picked up loads of helpful tips, so thanks!

It's such a relief to read other people's stories who ard in the same boat as we are.

So here's my honesty run down:
CC 1 £5373, most of which is on a 0% rate til September
CC2 £943
CC3 £144
CC4 £2418 0% for 28 months
CC5 £1480 0% for 30 months
plus car finance £4311, with 26 months left at £185 per month, so total debt of £14670

Dh and I both work, but not on huge salaries. The cards belong to one or other of us. I have been chipping away at cards since last summer. The only debt I have added to cards has been to cover car repairs. We run two cars ad both commute in opposite directions and this is by far our biggest exoense, spending atound £400 on fuel each month, plus tax, ins, repairs, tyres etc.

I am managing £400 per month on CC payments plus the car loan, paying the high interest balances first, and min payment on the long 0% BTs.

I expect to be debt free by Jan 2016 and will NEVER do this again. It is do hard to say no to things that we have taken for granted in the past, like popping out for lunch,but im on zero tolrrance atm. If its not planned it doesn't happen.

I am not a shopper and rarely buy things for myself, but my weak spot, like many of you, is the dcs, and not wanting them to go without. My budget is so tight atm, yhat food, bills, fuel and debt are covered, but with very little left, and no savings as a safety net.